Purple

[Purple_lady1]

Hi

Was recommended to start my own thread so here it is. The gist of it is I am unhappy, unmotivated and don't enjoy or look forward to anything. Am always tired and hate my life!

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi again Purple,

You are far from pathetic! Every single person has problems and issues to deal with at some point in time. All we can try to do is control how we react to them and to not compare ourselves to what we perceive others have.

Reaching out here is brave. Do you know what is even more courageous? Admitting to yourself that you need help or someone to talk to. I congratulate you for taking that step and posting here.

I understand how detrimental being lonely is to our mental health. I have parents but my relationship with them is incredibly unhealthy. I have been single for over 16 years. (I’m 39) I recently had a falling out with my 2 closest friends and I had started dating a man early last year but that failed miserably. I hit rock bottom because I let the loneliness, negativity and constantly feeling like I was not enough win. I let it take over me and misery became my new best friend.

Counselling and reading a thousand self help books and blogs has taught me one thing... the ability to change my life comes down to one person... me!! And it is freaking hard to have strength to move forward. Sometimes medication can assist if we find doing it on our own isn’t working.

The most important person to have a healthy relationship with is ourselves. Learning to love and value ourselves, to know we are worthy of love and happiness and not to rely upon others to fulfill this need is so powerful.

You have the ability to make positive change in your life. The first step is acceptance. Accepting where we are. The next step is doing something to change it. It could be reaching out here, it could be going to your GP, it could be starting meds, it could be seeking counselling, it could be getting a dog, it could be implementing the slightest change.

It seems daunting and impossible... but it doesn’t have to be. You have all of our support. Can’t stress enough again how important it is to be kind to yourself and to speak positively about yourself with that inner voice. I believe you can do it!! I stand with you!!

[Purple_lady1]

That is so nice of you to take the time to write that message. Thankyou very much. You sound like you have had an incredibly bad time. Have you improved.?How do you feel now? It's nice to hear of someone succeeding. If so , how did you do it? What happened with your friends? I too have a very unhealthy relationship with my mum. The feelings of sadness and loneliness that I feel are so incredibly strong and sometimes overwhelming and scary. Like I have said before, even if I find the motivation to do something those feelings come with me. Doing something doesn't fix my feelings. I am at a loss.

[Ggrand]

Hello Purple,

Sorry I haven't been around for a while, I had a really tough day today,

What a beautiful encouraging post Feeling lonely sent to you. FL, you worked so hard to get where you are well done. You got some strength behind you, determination and courage to get well. Loving it.

Purple Success can happen to you as well, but only you can make it happen, maybe think about going to your GP and have a chat to him/her, your GP, can help you get your MH professionally treated, its to hard without help. I didn't get help for many years, I thought I could make myself well, but I got steadily worse, then I came here, and people gentlely told me to seek help from my GP, I did and now am on meds, seeing a physiologist, physiatrist and a GP, they are working together to help me. My issues go really deep and really far back, it's going to take time with me. But hey I'm not going anywhere and I want a happy life, for once.

Please try and get some help, We only have one life that we know of, we need to look after it, nurture it, care for it, and the only one that can do these thing is you.

Im concerned about you, I care about you.

Kindness only

Karen

[Purple_lady1]

Hi

How can you care about me, you don't even know me? I don't know anyone who would care about me unconditionally as that would be wonderful. I'm just some words on the computer. I would love to meet you. You sound so caring even though you are trying to help yourself at the same time. I just want to feel happiness, compassion and yes maybe even love. I am amongst people and think how disconnected I am from everybody. I see friends laughing and sharing , families having fun, and partners sharing their day. This makes me feel worse and more alone. How do I end this?

[Ggrand]

Hello Purple,

I care because you are a person who is writing on a computer who is hurting badly, I don't need to know you in person, I can hear your pain in your words, that is enough for me to care. Karen

[Purple_lady1]

You sound so compassionate. I love that about you. I feel defeated

Purple

[Ggrand]

Hi Purple,

Dont feel defeated honey, You just got to fight for happies to reach you.

If your not going to go Drs, which I think you really should see a GP, your going to have to read self help book, The sadness depression just won't dissapear by itself. You need to try and help yourself.

I need t sleep now. Take a look at other threads and read through them, you might find some things on them that may help you.

Goodnight or should I say Goodmorning.

Karen

[Feeling_Lonely]

Good morning Purple!

How are you feeling today?

I cant say “I’m cured” or anything, every day is a constant battle. The one thing I have gotten better at is controlling my actions based on my feelings. For a long time I would feel miserable, take a lot of sick days from work because I couldn’t stop uncontrollably crying. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror because I was filled with hatred for myself. I hated my life and felt worthless, like nobody cared about me or would notice if I disappeared. I felt invisible. I had nothing to smile or be happy about.

In one of my earlier posts in this thread I listed all of the things I have done to try and take control of my mental health. At first they all felt useless like they were doing nothing, because I still felt so incredibly depressed, anxious and alone.

The thing I did though was persist. You can’t do something once or twice and expect results. It takes time, patience and being kind to yourself and not getting angry at yourself for not being where you want to be.

Acceptance is key. We cannot change the past or simply wish for a different future. It all takes time, effort and discipline.

Its a long story with the 2 friends, the short version is that I introduced them and then got shut out of their new friendship. When I tried to explain how I felt and that I was in a bad place, rather than acknowledge that their behaviour had adversely impacted me, they blamed my mental status and just think there is something wrong with me.

The most important thing for me to deal with right now is getting back into a positive mindset and to not feel like the world is against me. I would love to make new friends and potentially a partner at some point, but right now I’m too vulnerable and need not to rely upon an external person for happiness. It has to come from within.

Counselling is helping me to deal with a lot from my childhood and how the environment I grew up in has had an adverse impact on my ability to have relationships. But all of the positive mindset stuff (exercise, journalling, gratitude, meditation, mindfulness, telling myself I love myself) has come from myself. I had to take control over the negative thoughts as they were destroying me, my career and my relationships.

I am learning to love and accept myself and where I am at in life and trying to believe that I am exactly where I need to be. I’m working really hard on becoming a strong, confident, independent woman who is comfortable with who she is.

[Purple_lady1]

Hello Feeling lonely

You sound like a very strong person. I would like some of that strength at the moment. I'm finding it hard to feel the love through the printed word. I still want to persevere because I do like hearing some of your stories and ideas but I still find all these ideas are not working for me. I have a history of very bad driving offenses so nobody will accept me as a volunteer. This makes me feel disgusting and hopeless that good people won't accept my help. I am not that person any more. I feel so worthless, useless, lonely, sad and these rejections just bring down and realize I am a worthless and have wasted this life I have been given

Purple

[xCrumpetx]

Hello purple,

have you tried to apply for a job that doesn't require driving?

I have felt worthless when i got turned down for every job i applied for. It took me 6 years of applying before i got anywhere.

I got help by taking medication and seeing a psychologist. I think because you are looking to be a volunteer it might help you to find some support so you do not feel so worthess.

I say just keep trying your best and apply for volunteering opportunities because at least then you have a bigger chance than if you didnt apply at all.

Rejection is tough. I know that first hand. You are not alone in feeling that way. I would recommend building your self esteem so you feel less bad if you are rejected.

I am sure there are many threads on here that have some tips on building self esteem. There is also the internet, beyond blue articles, and if you start therapy they can also teach you some strategies.

I hope you are having a nice day purple. Its not too late to turn your life around 🙂

from crumpet