Purple

[Purple_lady1]

Hi

Was recommended to start my own thread so here it is. The gist of it is I am unhappy, unmotivated and don't enjoy or look forward to anything. Am always tired and hate my life!

[Purple_lady1]

Hi Crumpet

Thanks for your reply. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that fails. I hear everyone giving things a go and succeeding or at least not being negative. How does everyone do it. Like I have said I feel so lonely whatever it is I attempt to do. That includes being surrounded by people. I cannot force myself to be happy or feel less lonely. It is there surrounding me all the time. Sometimes the feelings are so desperate

Purple

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hi Purple,

Thank you. I don’t feel like a strong person, but my desire to be happy is outweighing my desire to be miserable so I feel like I have to try everything I can to get better. Some days it’s harder than others.

It sounds like you have ghosts from the past haunting you and I’m sorry for what you have been through and how it is impacting you now. It is hard to accept and move forward when the past keeps dragging us back.

It is difficult to accept and understand sometimes, but (unfortunately) no one can change what has happened in the past. We have to stop fighting it, accept it and try to learn from it and (most importantly) not let it define you.

What types of volunteering have you looked into so far? I like the idea of volunteering at an animal rescue centre. I can’t have pets where I live and find animals (dogs in particular) very therapeutic. Dogs don’t care about your past, they just want a good belly rub and scratch behind the ears. Maybe there is a shelter near you?

Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? If you have tried implementing some of the positive changes without an impact, perhaps it is time to seek professional help?

In your response to crumpet you mentioned feeling like the only one who fails. This is so untrue! This is only your perception... firstly of other people and secondly of yourself. The most successful people can be going through hell but putting on a brave face. This is why kindness is so important, you never know what battle someone else is fighting.

I can only suggest trying to find peace within yourself... accepting what has happened in your past and finding ways to deal with it so you can move forward and stop feeling stuck. You may need to speak with a psych or counsellor to help you with strategies to do this.

The longer you fight it, blame yourself, criticise yourself the harder it is to move forward. And only you can make that choice to let go of what has been and create a different future for yourself. It is not an easy journey to take, but it sounds like it is a necessary one.

Can you tell us more about what you like to do on a day to day basis? I’m interested in understanding more about you.

FL.

[Purple_lady1]

Hi

I do nothing of importance from day to day. This is part of the problem and as for forgetting the past, I can't when it impacts my life now with everything I try to do. When you can't even be accepted as a volunteer. that is pretty sad and it's giving me negative feelings and enhances the fact that I have ruined the life I have been given. I want to be able to get involved with something of importance and be surrounded by people who truly care. It's very hard to go to clubs or meetings or organizations on my own as I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb and that everyone is better at life than me

Purple

[xCrumpetx]

Dear purple,

hello again ,

i think it is good that you want to volunteer. It means you are willing to help people. That is a very good characteristic to have 🙂

Perhaps you can start small, and offer to help people that are already in your life. For example, maybe you can ask them if they need help with any household chores etc.

Helping others is a great way to feel good about yourself. So take small steps and try to help people in any way you can. Even if its just a friendly smile or a hello.

I find that keeping pets is something that can give you purpose in life. Because they are relying on you to help them. Perhaps you can 'volunteer' your time by looking after your very own pet. Or, if you cannot keep one for whatever reason, maybe offer to look after someone elses or try voluteering at an animal rescue centre, like FL has suggested.

I think the pet would be a good way to go, because they dont look at your past in order to have one 🙂

from crumpet

[Purple_lady1]

Hi Crumpet

I have a pet, she is very old and as is my thought processes at the moment, all I can think about is losing her. I love her so much. She is a beautiful soul.

Purple

[Feeling_Lonely]

Hey Purple,

It’s not about forgetting the past, rather accepting it and making peace with it. Perhaps counselling could assist with this process. Unfortunately it cannot be changed or undone, so to move forward we need to accept, learn and grow from it rather than wishing we hadn’t done something or wishing for a different outcome. I am not meaning to be harsh here, but blaming things from our past prevents us from moving forward and you end up stuck.

That is awful that you have been turned away from volunteering, but there has to be other options to explore. Lots of people need help. I like crumpet’s suggestions 🙂 It’s important to not give up after getting a knock back. We have to try again. And unfortunately it may take 20 knock backs before we get the desired outcome. It is how we respond to those knock backs that define us. Learning to pick ourselves up and persisting teaches us resilience. Resilience builds strength. Strength builds confidence. Confidence in who we are brings inner peace and happiness and makes us attractive to others. Every action we take has a follow on effect.

I read a quote the other day that really resonated with me... it was,

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.“

To me this means when we spend too long focusing on the negative and wanting and wishing a different outcome, we become blind to other opportunities around us.

I wish I could take away your pain and help you to see a little bit of light in every day.

[Purple_lady1]

Hey feeling lonely

Thankyou for your response. I truly like it when I get answers. Your suggestions. Are they working for you, have you improved? are you happy? All good advice and I could give this advice to others but to do this myself is impossible when all that I can do is sit down or slowly walk from room to room. If I do anything, I seem to always come back feeling very defeated and just as lonely and unhappy as I was before. Because of this I can't socialize with the few people I know (not friends) because I am not good to be around

[Feeling_Lonely]

Good morning Purple!

Welcome to the weekend, yeah! What is one thing you’re going to do for yourself this weekend?

Every suggestion I’ve made in all of my posts to you regarding making positive changes in my life are working for me.

But... I’m not cured. I’m not better. Some days are fantastic and I feel normal, but some days I am so riddled with anxiety it’s almost crippling. Some days I will flip between feeling happy and feeling depressed 10 times.

What is happening though is that I am 100% feeling happier today than I was 4 months ago when I started this journey of actually implementing these steps and being consistent with what I was doing.

When I have those really down and low moments, rather than fighting it, I acknowledge and accept my feelings. I then try to meditate or do mindfulness to clear the noise from my head. It helps. Then I try to find something to distract me. Read a book, do a puzzle, listen to upbeat music, post on here, go for a walk, find a dog to pat. It helps me to recover from the low moments quicker.

It isn’t going to happen overnight. Consistency is key, but also acknowledging that every day is likely to be a battle. It’s about having the strength, determination and discipline to keep going, even when we don’t feel like it. The want to have a better, happier life has to outweigh the misery and then taking action to do something different.

So I ask again, what is one nice thing you’re going to do for yourself this weekend that will give you a small moment of happiness?

I’m going to a yoga class to help clear my mind then I’m going to treat myself to a coffee afterwards. I might sit in the cafe if it’s not too crowded and read a paper (that will depend on my anxiety) or I might get takeaway and sit in a park in the sunshine and watch the world go by. And as I sit there I am truly going to enjoy every moment of the experience of sipping delicious, warm coffee as it fills my belly and feeling the sun on my skin. I’m going to notice the sounds I hear.. birds chirping, children playing, laughter and I’m going to smile to myself because these are all beautiful sounds. Then I am going to feel grateful for living in a country where we have freedom and opportunity to simply sit outside on a beautiful day and watch the world go by. By truly appreciating the small things and expressing gratitude, it slowly helps to change your mindset over time.

[xCrumpetx]

Hi purple and FL,

FL has some great suggestions for keeping well. I especially recommend the consistency he or she talks about.

I too would like to hear what good thing you will do for yourself this weekend 🙂

I also think its awesome that you are staying active on this thread, purple. I know that a small part of you wants to get better and is fighting for you. That gives me hope.

Sometimes its helpful to look at yourself from a distance and treat youself as you would a friend. If you had a friend who spoke the way you do about yourself, would you help them? And how might you go about it?

Have a great weekend FL. Sounds like it will be good!

You too purple. Take care of yourself. It will be nice to hear from you again 🙂

from crumpet

[Purple_lady1]

Hi Feeling lonely

You are amazing. Do you do all these things on your own?

Purple