OCD, absolute loneliness

Byzantine

I've been dealing with excruciating OCD my entire life and have never told anyone. I'm completely alone. I've never told anyone any of my problems ever in my life. I'm just so entirely alone. Nobody seems to care about my wellbeing.

Summer Rose

Hello and welcome to the forum.

Congratulations on having the courage to share for the first time that you are battling OCD and that you have been your entire life. You must be exhausted, frustrated and hurting. Hugs to you.

As a fellow human being, I care about your wellbeing. I also understand OCD, as I care for my now adult child who also experiences this illness. I am so very sorry that you have been suffering alone.

I want you to know that it can get better. With the right treatment, courage and commitment, it is possible to put limits on OCD and live an easier, fuller life—I have supported my daughter to do just that.

There is hope for better days ahead, and I offer you my support—I’m just a mum but I get it.

The first step would be for you to reach out to your GP for help. Is that something you think you could do? Why or why not?

There is no pressure to answer but I am happy to talk it through with you anytime.

Kind thoughts to you

Byzantine

Thanks for responding.
I don't have a GP. I'm 16

Doors24

Dear Byzantine,

I can hear and empathise with your struggles. I suffer from OCD too and at a high level.

I have joined an online support group that has been helpful in understanding OCD and feel supported by it. However I read that you are under 18, so I am not sure that this would be suitable for you. However, I am sure with the right guidance,there might be someone who could tell you of groups for under 18.

There is the catch, I guess. A lot of the time people can put up a “front” or “shield” for when they are in public, but when they are alone, it looks completely different. And if people don’t know you are struggling, they may not ask if you are okay. If they don’t know you aren’t okay, they can’t try to help you.

It is important to approach an adult who you feel safe with to start talking about how you feel. And you don’t need to explain everything all at once. You can take your time to share details as you feel safer. A student counsellor at school, hotlines for under 18’s or explore valid websites to see if there are options for you.

Please know that there is never any shame in sharing what you are feeling. If someone responds badly to it, they are just the wrong person to talk to about it. There are plenty of people who will respond kindly and with compassion rather than judgement. There is nothing “wrong” with you for having these issues in your life either. They can just be eased with sharing with the right person who can equip you with strategies to help you. OCD is usually linked to anxiety or fear and gets worse when someone is really stressed. There maybe underlying reasons why the OCD compulsions are happening. And addressing them may help. OCD can be a terrible cycle because in the beginning your actions make you feel safe and in control,but they gradually turn into a problem instead. I truly understand this aspect of it.

You are not alone. It can just feel a little unsafe to know how to start talking. And you are not alone there either. So many people here, know firsthand how this feels.

I am happy to talk if you want too.

Doors24

Summer Rose

Hi Byzantine

Like my daughter, you unfortunately had to learn very early that life isn’t fair. I’m sorry this has been your experience.
I know you feel that no one cares about your wellbeing. So, I’m wondering if your parents know that you are feeling unwell? I ask because my daughter irrationally felt ashamed of what was happening to her and she didn’t want me to know. She thought she was a freak. When she finally did let me in, I was able to help her and reassure her that anyone can fall ill and that even though people fall sick they can get better.
So, if your parents don’t know, it’s really worth considering letting them know what’s happening for you. Doors24 has given you some great insights into disclosure conversations. We can also brainstorm this type of conversation here on the forum.

If they do know and aren’t providing the support you need then there are other options.
You can have a chat with a teacher or school counsellor to seek guidance and support, as Doors 24 has already said. You may also choose to confide in another family member (eg an aunt) or trusted adult. You could also make plans to visit a Headspace centre.

These centres provide free or low cost mental health services to young people. Try Googling them and check them out (we are not permitted to provide links, sorry).

I hope you feel a little less alone, you are so welcome here on the forum.

Kind thoughts to you