Hi Essen;
I'm not too great this morning either, but you need support and sense in your life. I'm still here ok.
The thing about mindfulness is obviously to be in the moment, but for survivors of SA, it means so much more. 'That' moment when you focus on squeezing your hands or rubbing your arms, is 'safety'.
"No-one can hurt me right now, on this spot and in my personal space. Look around the room, not one person's there to harm me. I have complete power over this one moment."
It's about training your brain hun. It takes practice and courage to face one moment of empowerment, because it feels so foreign. When you came home from hospital, the safety of being there was broken by 'life' in your home.
Rising above this to just be in your body and in the present, is really important. Allow others to talk; watch their mouths moving without listening to the words. Make a game out of it.
I know there's a lot going on, but what can be achieved in any given moment? Nothing except breathing and being. All the rest is outside of your space and you have no control over it. Isn't that a freeing thought?
It means you're off the hook. You can't 'do' anything to change people or events. So sitting in a chair looking at the blue sky, listening to birds and taking in smells etc, is one moment of peace...just one.
That moment for me was my wake up call. If I could accomplish one moment, then I could do more. That's how my true sense of recovery began, and it can for you too. What I did was lower my adrenaline and cortisol levels; that's physical recovery too.
When something gets on top of you, ask yourself; "Is there anything I can do to change this at this moment in time?" The answer is usually "NO". That's relief and peace; you get to just sit in your body without any disruptions. Don't be afraid of it, just do it.
I hope your psych visit went well.
Take care...
Sara xo
