Not coping after disclosure

[startingnew]

Please help me. Im really struggling.

last night i disclosed something that ive kept with me for 2 years now. Im already struggling with ptsd anxiety and depression but the event that i disclosed also comes under ptsd.

I rang a hotline and the first time in 2 years ive spoken about it and im so embarrassed and ashamed. I hate myself and blame myelf for it. And im terriffied! !

[Just Sara]

Hi my lovely;

I'm assuming you've gone to hospital ok, I refuse to think anything else. I'll be here when you get back hun.

Take care of you first...

You're in my thoughts...

Sara xo

Thanks for calling in Tony, it's a blessing Essen has so many supporters. x

[startingnew]

Just checking in

Im still alive i guess if thats what you want to call it

[white knight]

Hi SN

I dont know if you are up to it but at the end of this post is a thread I wrote recently.

Its about taking control of a mind that "seems to have a mind if its own".

This means, being sad, feeling hopeless and inadequate the thing we tend to do is let it do what it wants. Another part if our brain has to discipline that and do the reverse.

Eg if we feel sorry for ourselves for good reason but it results in chores being neglected, dont think....do! In other words tise up and physically continue with your obligations.

easier said than done yes but inside you is a fighter that you need to rescue, to pull yourself together and keep going. You are unique, proud and incredibly wonderful.

Use google

Topic: switching mindsets- beyondblue

Regards Tony WK

[Just Sara]

Hi Essen;

I'm relieved to know you're here with us still. I'm wondering where that beautiful and caring girl has gone in her mind. Her lovely support is missed around the threads. 😕

I need to ask if your lower than low mood is in part due to physical pain, and if so, what's going on there?

I've been keeping an eye out for you hun. I was hoping you'd gone to the hospital? Where are things at there?

I'm not writing too much today; I'm more concerned with hearing about you at this point.

What have you been doing to counteract what's going in your life?

Get back to us soon ok...

Thankyou again Tony WK 🙂

Hugs...Sara xo

[startingnew]

Im not up for big responses at the moment but thanks for checking in

Im not in hospital but i should be but i cant

But im semi alive- bodys here but minds not

[startingnew]

Hello everyone


I cant say how thankfull I am to have you guys on here being so supportive.

I havent been in a
very good headspace to really reply on here, though I have been
having abit of help behind the scenes.

I am still smack
bang in the middle of the storm
I seen my nurse
yesterday and she took some swabs for me to see if I have an
infection down stairs- lets hope not but the amount of antibiotics
and stress ive been under it wouldnt surprise me
I thought id hold off on hosipital at this second but was at my last straw that If I
needed to I was going.

I went to see my psychiatrsit today and she said I tappered off way to fast on
medications which could be abit of the way im feeling plus the lack
of family support, lossing friends, being a 'mum' when im not a mum
im suppose to be a sister as well as starting out as being a carer at
such a young age – this si including my nan so I was 14 then. And
also the family troubles ive been having with my mother and my
sisters as well as the bullies and the full on few days ive had to
push through with the sick horse isnt helping me.

She said please the next time I even think about suicide to call an ambulance as the way I was speaking to her today about the way ive been feeling I may not
thin next time and I might just do it and not think of anything else
and just make an attempt.

[startingnew]

she wants me to start
doing things for myself as well and to take the time to just do
something each day that I want to do even if I dont feel like it esp
the drawing as she said that was something that was helping me and
even if I dont feel like it do it any way itll give my brain
something else to think about. She wants me to get my favourite books
back out and start reading them again, even write recounts of eahc
chapter to keep my mind occupied if thats something im into




She said that there
is a place about an hour and half away from me that is a metal health
retreat and she can organise for me to go there. The only problem is
yet again my responsibilities here and what my sisters and mother
would think if I was to go. It runs for 4 weeks and I would be an
inpatient. I havent got the full details as yet as I said I need to
think about it.




Tomorrow I start a
new medication when I get to my gp in the morning and she has also
increased to to see my gp twice a week otherwise they will be ringing
in to check on me and if I dont answer theres a possibility they will
send an ambulance and have me admitted involuntary

[startingnew]

in repsonse to your
comments: Tony, Dottie, Sara


I am completely
shattered and wiped out yes, and no I dont want to move to much and
id much rather stay in bed.

Ill be startinf dbt
therapy which is similar to cbt but more for suicidal thoughts then I
can move to the cbt phase as well


I do only just have
me. Ive tried talking to my mother about this new retreat and guess
what now shes angry at me. She thinks im a psychopath 😞 this is what I get for opening up even just slightly. She told me to go out and
get a life. I offerred for her to speak to my psych to ge any
questions answered and she doesnt want a bar of it. I dont know if
im relieved to still be here but I like talking to people on here,
your my mentor and you pretty much are the only one I feel I can
trust. That beautiful caring girl is no longer there and
I dont know when she will be back.

my lower than low
mood I think is lower than that. My psychological pain is so bad, but
thats also explaned in above respnsed when they appear . My phsycial pain is there but I think I can handle that. I dont know what to do to counteract it all I know is darkness at the moment




Im glad I made someone smile casue im not doing that myslef nor for anyone else at the moment. Im not good to anyone at the moment including myself. I might take a look at your thread when im in abit better headspace cause at the moment nothing is sinking in anyway, thank you for suggesting it
 

[startingnew]

well i tryed to have a convo with my mother and that didnt go well. she wont speak to me or even look at me now and im a psychopath apparently.

well now im a psycho for asking for helping and suggesting i need to go to hospital and even said my gp and psychiatrist are happy to talk to her but she declined and said i already know what its about.

i tried i really did try and im trying to make everything work as my decision is going to affect everyone and im trying to do whats right

ive just been compeltely disowned by my own mother

geez im such a disgrace!

[Just Sara]

Hi sweetie;

I hear you and acknowledge your pain, I've been there. The thing is, when I was, I should've asked for help but I didn't. Big lesson! I'm passing it on to you...

Please reach out for intervention Essen. This attitude of "She'll be right mate" won't cut it with your situation. Living thru that torture will damage your nervous system even more and make recovery harder.

Use my strength, courage and determination to pull yourself out of this. Hear my words of encouragement...

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And Wisdom to know the difference."

Write these words down and repeat them over and over out loud to block out the bad thoughts.

You're not helpless...it only takes one phone call to change this situation. 'Courage to change the things I can'

I know you can do this...

I'm with you in spirit hun;

Loving thoughts...

Sara xoxo