Nobody’s Person

[focus008]

Hi all, 

I have just recently joined.
Im 38, female, single and living alone.

I’ve come to realise lately that although my family love me because they are my family and will always have that tie to me, I am not important to anyone by choice.

I am no one’s best friend, I am no one’s partner, no one has ever loved me enough to stay or go want to marry me or have children with me. 
It must be the most wonderful feeing in the world to mean so much to another person, but I am always left feeling not good enough and alone. I come home to an empty house after work and cry because life isn’t meant to be lived alone and I feel so alone… 

I just don’t know what do do about it. 

[Beaser]

Hi Focus.    Welcome and im glad you reached out here.

You sound like a really decent person who works hard going to work each day.  You know im sure you mean so much to many people. I ve lived a lot of my life the same way and have that feeling of there being no one out there for me. Im sure you mean so much to many people . I was wondering do you do much outside of work ,do you have any hobbies or even a happy place that you like to go too.       Im interested to know more if you feel like it.         Happy Thoughts    from   Brett.

[Sophie_M]

Dear focus008,

We would like to welcome you to our helpful and supportive community. We are grateful you found the strength and courage to write a post about your feelings of loneliness.

We understand that you are feeling like you will always be alone and unimportant to anybody except for your family. These thoughts greatly distress you almost every night.

We have heard it said that, in order to potentially meet someone special, we need to go where people can meet us. This is often quite difficult if we are shy, intraverted, look different, act different, or any number of other things which might separate us from other people. However, there are many different groups and clubs of people who meet about many different interests.

We would encourage you to talk with your GP about setting up a mental health plan so you might be able to meet with a mental health specialist about figuring out things like: your interests, your desires, what you would like in a partner, and even potentially develop a strategy around safely meeting people and starting to develop a potential relationship.

Many of our members have excellent thoughts and advice.

Again, welcome to our wonderful community. We look forward to hearing more from you whenever you feel like posting.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
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[Bob_22]

Hi fous008,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post. I hope you can find some support here as well as a sense of community that you might be needing in your life at the moment.

I'm sorry that you have been feeling alone and void of loving friends or partner. I can somewhat understand how you feel as I have spent the majority of the last 18 months stuck at home and had little opportunity to go out and make new friends, socialise or date. As Sophie mentioned, a great first point of call might be find a mental health specialist who can unpack some of these feelings and try to allieve the feelings of isolation you're experiencing. For myself, I found coming on these forums to be great in addition to regularly scheduling activities with existing friends even if I don't particularly feel like it. 

Another great tip, and potential place to meet a future partner, might be attending classes or volunteering at organisations you are passionate about. Unfortunately I don't have time but would love to join a book club or toastmasters if given the chance. This can provide a chance to meet new friends who share similar interests. You could also consider joining a sporting team/club/class for something you might be interested in. This a great way to improve physical and social activity in your life.  Hope this helps.

Bob

[nskye]

Hi focus008,

Welcome to the forum, and thank you for sharing your story with us! Reading your post, I can relate to your experience as I felt the same way last year. I am so sorry to hear that is how you are feeling now, and it must have been so hard for you to be in this situation. I think you made the right decision to share your thoughts on this forum as you can find other people who can empathise with your story (like me). It does help us feel less alone in this situation by sharing each other's experiences and understanding for one another.  

The first thing that helped me out of my struggles last year was to be aware of my situation and reach out for help. I decided to go and see a therapist when I felt so stuck and unhappy with everything in my life then. Self-help books also helped me to cope better and find new ways to improve how I felt then. If you are into reading, I recommend checking out a book called "Already Enough" by Lisa Olivera - it is a beautiful book about self-acceptance. I find it relatable to my situation, and I hope you will find it helpful too. 

Feeling alone/lonely can be extremely difficult for us to experience and find way to cope with but I hope that you are able to find the right help to improve your situation. You might not be where you want to be yet but you are not alone 🤗

Sending you lots of love,

n 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

You've had several helpful supportive posts.

I have a partial solution, unusual perhaps. If you havent already- buy a cute little dog. I'm happily married Dog clubs, pet coffee cafes, dedicated groups... all places attract like minded people.

The other interest we have is caravanning. You'd be amazed how many "lost and lonely" souls are out the there that love sharing a campfire. Or farmers, rural and regional areas that spend their lonely social time in a venue waiting to meet a lonely prospective partner.

The main message is - you wont meet anyone without action and I acknowledge the difficulty in actually "doing" these activities but my late dad also said "you wont meet anyone watching TV."

Good luck  

TonyWK

[james1]

Hey focus008,

Welcome to the forums. I'm really sad to hear you feel alone and not good enough for others. The others have made some really wonderful suggestions and I don't have too much to add to what they have already said. But I did just want to let you know that I understand how alone you feel and the pain of wanting to mean more to someone, but not having that someone. I am also single and don't really meet new people, partly because I am introverted, but also because I'm pretty pessimistic about meeting anyone. It's tough because I feel like I won't get the life I'd dreamed of, but I've come to the point where I just try to accept the life that I am living right now.

I think a part of me still hopes that I may be lucky enough to meet someone, but in the meantime, I just try to make the most of my situation - I do a lot of hobbies, I keep whatever schedule I want, and I look at big life decisions on my own, like potentially looking to foster or adopt children and animals. It's not the same, and it doesn't mean I don't feel lonely at times, but it helps day-to-day. It means I plan my life differently to what I had hoped for once, and while that's often quite sad, there's a lot of good that's come out of it for me.

Anyway, I hope you can also find your way to something which isn't so lonely. That's such a painful feeling, and we're here to support you as you try to find a way through.

James

[jaz28]

Hi focus008,

I am sorry you are feeling this way, it must be very hard for you.

I feel like a lot of people feel this way at some point in life, there have been times when I too have felt like I have no friends. But I did, they were just busy with their own lives. I think it is important to see someone about these feelings such as a mental health professional. You can start by seeing your GP. This helped me.

Being positive was really helpful to attract people into my life that matched my energy, focusing on me in times of loneliness led me to find my current boyfriend and soulmate who I have been with for 3 years now. I found that instead of dwelling on my loneliness and focusing on myself and loving who I am has changed everything. But it can take work to do this, so do not be afraid to seek help.

I hope you are okay and please continue to reach out if you need it.

Jaz xx