It doesn't get any better

Lostworld · ‎22-03-2017

It's been 2 years now that i have been seeing doctors near weekly and still my mind is clouded with the question "Why?" Why go on, why bother, life is just too hard, i keep thinking of how to end it, the anti depressants i just came off had me curled up in bed 20 hours a day grinding my teeth and petrified to got out, even now I am off them, i feel it's all pointless.

Croix · ‎22-03-2017

Dear Lostworld~

Hi, I'm Croix. I see you have a fair number of posts racked up, but I can't find any of them, so I guess they must have been before my time. It sounds pretty grim for you at the moment. While I'm reasonably good now I can remember before, and maybe that was something like you have been facing now.

2 years of doctors weekly -um , not effective. I don't blame you for thinking it pointless. I sure did. I was lucky - well I got lucky later, not to start with.

I was a policeman, invalided out with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Funnily enough things got worse some time after I left and then I was in the pits. Meds had not helped - not that much help all along up till then to be quite frank.

I ended up in hospital and something changed. New meds was part of it, getting away from life - everything removed - was for me a big factor. When I came out things slowly got better. I also found something real simple I liked to do, kept me occupied and away.

All I can say to you is that for me sticking with trying out meds and therapies ended up 'clicking' and a solution of sorts.

You don't say much about yourself in your post. You have a nice dog in your picture - I like dogs and normally have two, but just one at the moment, same size as the one in your pic, but fatter - bit like a blimp with a toothpick on each corner. Stronger than me though, determined little thing

Would you like to come back and say a little more about yourself, if you have a family, if there is anything in this life you like or gives a little peace?

Thanks

Croix

Doolhof · ‎23-03-2017

Hi Lostworld,

Late January I was in a similar place to you. Thanks to a kind-hearted and lovely Policeman I was taken to my Dr. and to the hospital to be admitted. The compassionate man stayed with me until I had a room and a bed.

I understand the toughness of the journey that seems so tough you just want to check out.

It sounds like a cliché and probably something you don't think will help, but there is help out there, you can still find hope.

I was in a small country hospital where there was no mental health care of any kind. I cried, I agonised over what I had become. I was beside myself.

My Dr. put me on a different medication. Slowly, day by day through the struggles I see a little more light in my life.

Gardening has been therapy for me. We have 5 acres so there is a lot to do. I work like crazy, get rid of frustrations, anger and pain while out in the fresh air and sunshine.

No one feels the same kind of pain as another person, we do understand depression and how it can make you feel as Croix has also shared with you.

Lostworld, there is hope. You do have a future. Right now you can't see it. It is there. Somewhere in the gloom of depression there is a way out.

Take a step today to try and do one small thing that will make your day seem brighter.

The battle is tough, I don't like the alternative, so I will keep battling on.

From Dools

geoff · ‎23-03-2017

hello Lostworld, I know it's been a long time for you to suffer, much too long, so now when a suggestion is offered to you don't have any energy or inspiration to even want to begin to try, why should you because something similar has been suggested and did it work, no.
So, is the problem that nothing works, because time after time the same ideas are mentioned, and by now aren't you sick and tired of listening to these people hum-drumming you, do this do that, but why would you even want to try again and again because it can't break the block from getting well.
You need someone to give you a new direction, because that's what I did, I changed my whole life and turned it around, everything I did before and once loved, was thrown out the window, and I started a new life, because I turned a full circle, and started doing something that I never thought I would even like doing, but I did so I began to feel much better, there were issues that I could never solve, so I pushed them all away, and if I think that I could tackle them, then depression came back, so I never asked the question why again.
These are locked up in a box as I say, and thrown out to sea where they will never annoy me again.
Please get back to us. Geoff.

blondguy · ‎23-03-2017

Hi Barry

Great to see you back! I read that you are still doing it hard.

I love the pic of your dog...Is he a medical assist K9?

you are (and have been) an important part of the BB forums. I really hope you can stick around

takes a lot of guts to post and heal when our brain is continually pulling us in the opposite direction

my best wishes for you to find some peace Barry. You deserve it.

Paul

Lostworld · ‎24-03-2017

Croix

Its hard right now, my sister left to take up a job in New Zealand, both my adopted parents dead from cancer and we nursed them at home till the end, hard to process seeing your once healthy parents a 35kg mess that can't even get to the toilet. To make it harder i have just been told by an adoption agency that at the start of April my birth mother wants to meet me.

About me, diagnosed with PTSD, PPPD, benign prostatic hyperplasia, pheochromocytoma's, bipolar scitzophrenia, L5/S1 50%, top 3 neck discs bulging, full thickness tear in tendon on right shoulder rotator cuff. Chronic pain.

I too worked for the police for about 7 years, doing basic forensics in murder and suicide scenes for the Royal Thai police, they don't understand western mentally and can't read English, so any written evidence i had to translate.

4 scuba diving accidents ended up with type 2 DCS, which means there was neurological involvement, now i have weakness in one side, no feeling one side, reflexes a mess.

My dog is a blue heeler and an assistance dog, i am getting a red heeler soon, his daughter after her last litter from the breeder.

My GP referred me to the psychiatrist here and i got a letter back saying i am discharged from their service before i have even seen them.

Lostworld · ‎24-03-2017

Dools
I am wondering where this help is, how can they help me, 2 years and i wish i was back where i started. The only drugs that are helping are S8 and now they want to take me off them due to stupid rules, they don't care about quality of life.

Every time i try to do something positive it's ends up a mess

Lw

Lostworld · ‎26-03-2017

Paul

Thanks, you know me a lot more than just what i post on here, and how much i am going through, not to say you don't have problems too, yours are similar in a lot of ways, but I have rapidly got closer to the end of the piece of string. The next week will be hard dropping off the tablets we discussed, back to a tablet that doesn't work for me and they just won't listen. Hence i am posting at this time now insomnia has kicked back in thanks to our useless government. They don't care about the pain they inflict on us, just about how to win the next election, democracy sux, it didn't work for the Roman's and no one else since has got it right, USA seems to have a chance and i hope for our sakes we can get someone who will do the right thing.

blondguy · ‎27-03-2017

Hi Barry

I know you are in a really dark place

Im also keeping an eye out on my benzo at the moment as Canberra have just made any repeats illegal.

I always try to hope for the best but its taken me many years to find a great management tool and because of a minority that abuse the medication I am now being effected directly.

I think having tight controls on some meds is fine, but not at the cost of the people that have a reasonable quality of life by using them

my best

Paul

blondguy · ‎27-03-2017

Apologies for the double text Barry

Im not a very good early morning poster Im afraid (my last post)

I remember you mentioned that you were in the Sydney to Hobart. I still even imagine getting my tired brain on one of those without being scared to death. I just dont know how you did it let alone air travel.

Anyhoo I also neglected to mention that your posts are just as important as anyone else's on here..mine included

It would be great if you could stick around and share some of your background and what you enjoyed doing before the crap hit the fan (only if you wish of course)

Its your thread, even if you want to vent we are here for you 🙂

I hope you are doing reasonably okay

kind thoughts

Paul