In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Wilma1]

Morning Simona, like T, I'm sending you my best wishes for a better day today. You have done well recently and we all have set backs, all part of it, so I'm told!!!

I've had a shower and have no idea what next, but it will unfold.

Beautiful day here, sun shining already heading for 20.

Take care. W

[Starwolf]

How are you feeling today, Simona ? Sorry this Morgana character has been meddling with what is none of her business...She's a trespasser on Simona's territory.

Like a political coup in the head, those personalities do their best to eclipse you and take over. Fingers crossed she's back where she belongs, back to the realm of fantasy and deceit. Medication keeps them out of your head, which is why they don't want you to take it.

I hope they don't get away with it.

Please hang in there Simona and defend your territory.

[Simona]

I'm sorry

[Simona]

I took my antipsychotic last night. I was getting images in my head of doing something bad to my family. My partner doesn't know this. I don't know why I get these ideas. It's like they are inserted in my head.

I stayed up late because I was manic. Still feeling manic and very withdrawn. The tv was on earlier. When I'm like this I feel I'm getting personal messages from ads/shows and some of these are very triggering. It's like I'm supposed to do as they say. This happened in the MHU once and they gave me this syrup that made it all go away.

I'm sorry I'm not up to answering individual posts. Thank-you for coming to me and not being afraid. There are so many children here today I'm overwhelmed. Did go away on my own for 2 hrs earlier and to be honest didn't really want to return. I just had this idea to drive 400k's and visit my parents but what do you know I'm home again.

[Wilma1]

Simona, you don't have to answer posts. We are with you no matter what's going on in your head. Why would we be afraid of a truly good lady???? Thinking of you. W

[Simona]

Hello W : ) I 'm determined to be ok. My partner rang triage and he got me to speak to a psychiatric nurse. My Mh clinician will be in touch tomorrow to do a face to face assessment. This is tricky because I tend to 'pull myself together' before these types of meetings because I'm paranoid about hospitals etc

I'm supposed to take my antipsychotic earlier and take a sedative before bed.

[Wilma1]

I understand your paranoia of hospitals, I share that. Remember we are here with you. Star will be back with some good advice so hang in there. Take care and try to get some rest. Thinking of you. W

[Simona]

hullo 🙂 no rest for the manic. I have pulled out my wardrobe and have carefully refolded. I have 29 jumpers (2 of which are in still in transit thru aus post), 5 hoodies. I didn't count the t shirts but longs sleeved tops 11. I'm really fine W. Tonight is better than last night that's for sure. I rang my mother. She spoke about Sylvia Plath. My partner is in hospital because he has a staph infection which is not responding to antibiotics. So just me and the children here

[Wilma1]

Hi Simona, I'm sorry to hear about your partner being unwell and in hospital. I hope you will be ok tonight with the children.

Ohhh I know the manic episodes. Sorry it's so hard. Now you know exactly what's in your wardrobe!!!! At least until you need to find something next time!!!!

I hope you manage some sleep tonight. Take care Simona...W

[Simona]

Thank-you for checking in on me W. Really kind and sweet of you : ) I hope you're ok yourself - i have noticed you've been very quiet today . I hope i can sleep. I haven't touched the sedatives. I really dislike the zonked out feeling.

Goodnight then