In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

I'm going to go back to reading up on the cryptids . I'm up to the Dover Demon.

Bye for now : )

[Wilma1]

You found the most eggs. Have a good night. Thanks for the game. W

[Guest_9809]

Hey Simona and Wilma. I am so sorry, I had to leave the egg hunt almost before it got started. My brother rang me and was not in a good place. Its 8.55pm now and I am only just off the phone. A long and difficult call.

My apologies. I will catch up with you again soon. Have a good night.

Taurus xx

[Wilma1]

Simona, happy Easter.W

[Simona]

Happy Easter Star ! Thinking of you too

NYUK NYUK NYUK

[Starwolf]

Thanks Simona. I hope you are having another good day with your family.

Sorry I missed the egg hunt. I was on the road again last night . Anyone old enough to remember that song by Canned Heat (On the Road Again) ? These days it could be a personal anthem...

[Simona]

Today I was mostly alone because I kept dissociating. 1 child is still at home the other packed his backpack and took off for some sleep-over. The egg hunt went well btw. I rang my dad. I was in town just hanging out at my fave café. I figured if I don't call him I will never hear from him. He said the reason why he doesn't call me is because he doesn't want me to drag him into one of my paranoid fantasies. Well I got to hand it to him; I admire his honesty. He also said my most recent diagnosis is wrong and that I should sack my mh team. I forgot to tell him I'm disengaging from the services 4 weeks from now anyway. Got only 4 weeks left and I'm cut loose. I just want to be left alone and I got you guys anyway if I'm feeling bad/out of control

Partner is cooking his signature omelette for dinner trying to get me to eat. I tried to help but he doesn't want me in the kitchen so Miss 9 is helping him and I'm youtubing.

It was nice to hear dad's voice

[Simona]

I'm being told not to take the medication. This is hard to explain. I'm morgana. I know secrets but there's more t learn except I can't take the medication. I will try but I can't promise. I told my partner about the other world it's like in merlin's time. he said they can't be my friends if they are telling me not to take the medication. he has no idea how powerful they are

[Simona]

I said to him stop calling me honey because I'm morgana . I'm going to go and be alone now but he won't let me drive so I'm going in the spare room with my ipod nano

GOODNIGHT

[Guest_9809]

Good morning Simona. Pleased to hear that the easter egg hunt went well yesterday. And its good that you got to speak to your Dad, its always nice to hear their voice isnt it?

It sounds as though you have had a bit of a setback yesterday however, and I'm very sorry to hear that. You have been going so well lately.

Please try your very best not to listen to those other voices in your head Simona. Your partner is right, they are not your friends, and they are deceiving you with their trickery.

You know yourself that you feel so much better when you take your medication. That it alleviates your symptoms and allows you to take care of your children and participate in their everyday activities. Your children need you Simona, their much loved Mum. They dont need Morgana! They can watch fantasies on TV, and enjoy them as just what they are meant to be, a bit of fun. They need you Simona ... their beautiful, talented, funny, caring and very loving Mum. Please allow yourself to be there for them ... I implore you to continue to take your medication.

How was your partners signature omelette last night, made with the able assistance of little Miss 9? I hope it was good. I really hope today is a better day for you Simona. My thoughts and very best wishes are with you.

Taurus xx