Im new. Unsure how to start.

[Sapphire_]

Hello. Im new. I dont really know where to start. My heart is pounding, Im so anxious to be on here. Im not sure if its the right thing to do. I've never spoken to anyone about how i feel or anything. Even my husband. I just cant. I dont really know what i am supposes to do. I feel so alone and lost.

[Evilnut]

Hi Sapphire Wayne the evilnut only in name one of the mask's I wear as one of my protections. I can relate to you post I feel the same most of the time but have been down the suicide route its not worth it. I found that its better off to be sad but you can find that places like this were you can find great people. I am a newbie as well cheers Wayne

[Sapphire_]

Im tired of pretending im ok when im not. I can no longer fake being happy. So i shut myself away so noone can see through me, i no longer know how to act around people.

Im tired of being tired all the time. Im just so tired. I just want to sleep forever.

I dont even know what im doing anymore.

[demonblaster]

Sapphire how you doing today

Are you in a situation with hubby that you can talk to him about how you're feeling?

Maybe you've failed at some stuff, we all do, doesn't mean you always will hun.

You getting much sleep?

[demonblaster]

Soz hadn't seen I don't think the other post, the one that you said was longer.
Right so you are getting sleep at least.

[Sapphire_]

I dont want to talk to hubby yet. Ive tried to talk to him before about how i feel and suicidal thought and he was concerned about it but then kinda just forgot about it. I hide my abody away from him so he cant see the self harm injuries because they are becoming more. He is so busy with work and his life. He doesnt notice.

I tried talking to a friend, well i thought was a friend. She didnt care. Replied with a generic respose and thats all ive heard from her. So i tried here.

I have a hard time talking to people because ive never told people my problems i just keep it to myself. Even when the really bad stuff happened i didnt tell anyone.

I just dont know how to. On here it seems a bit easier i guess because i cant see who im talking to.

[Coffeebean]

Talking about how you feel can be really, really hard. I still struggle with it. But I'm realizing that people around me aren't mind-readers. If I feel sad, but tell my husband I'm tired, he thinks "oh, she's tired, needs to go to bed early." I can't blame him for getting it wrong! I have to admit though that he is getting better.

Do you think that you could print out this thread and take it to your GP? Does your uni have a student clinic?

You deserve to be cared for.

take care. CB

[Sapphire_]

Im scared if i go to the doctor and tell them I've been having constant suicidal thoughts and have plans that they will force me to go to hospital. Im terrified to tell anyone. Im not sure how to even start that conversation. Im really scared of being made to do something i dont want to do. The whole idea of telling a doctor makes me feel sick.

[demonblaster]

I think I replied this morning so will try not to repeat anything

Sapphire what sort of things do you think if you went to hospital they could make you do that you don't want?

I haven't been admitted as such so can't put a lot of input in but darl you know you've got us here but hun you need professional help, this is too much for you to handle alone.
I know you don't want to but maybe hubby needs to know to be able to support you & understand.

What if you print your posts & give to Doc, it starts with them.I know you said you're scared, I get that but this needs attention now not later.

You said what you wrote isn't half of it, when you're ready let it flow, painful but an outlet.

Sorry you're feeling like you do. xx
Here for ya amongst others too 🙂

[Sapphire_]

Im just affraid of the unknown i guess. Im scared of being put into hospital. I was told by someone that if you tell your doctor about having suicidal thoughts that they call the cops and forced to go to hospital. I dont want that to happen. I hate not being in control.

My husband has enough troubles. Mainly caused by me so i dont want to add to the list. I already think he deliberately tries to be away from me most if the time. I dont want to be another problem for him. My husband would be better off without me and marrying someone else and having a family. I have nothing for him.

I know i need help and i dont know why its soo hard for me to get it. Im not the person who asks for help. Im the person who people come to for help.

I dont want to be like this forever. I do want to have a normal life. Im just not sure that thats what im going to get or if i deserve it. Everytime i feel like i am on top of things it all comes crashing down. I just feel like maybe im not meant for this world. I dont belong here. This is not how my life is supposed to be.

[startingnew]

Hi Sapphire i have been to hospital and it isnt all that bad

please feel free to ask any questions and ill do my best to answer them and hopefully ease your mind