Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l feel like this is another dumb question from rx , but ah well.ln times of uncertainties we might ask some of those right.

We sep' and divorced 5yrs ago , threw life into a spin. Together 19yrs before. l've stayed in the area to be close to my d, 16now, and finally got another house of my own 15mths ago.

l was with someone new nearly 2yrs but it hasn't worked out unfortunately but being long distance 70% of the time, there was lots of days and nights spent at home in our little private bubble world of messaging and skyping .

So now that we've split, l still haven't built any sort of a new life really. Got this hosue because loved the spot and the house itslef and great views and it's only 20mins form my d's town. lhoped l'd like it here , maybe even make a new life. But ldon't really fit in this town and so it's beena lot more time at home, l work at home too.

Nit sure if l'll stay here , but l do love the house and spot and views and in spare time can easily just hang out around the house days on end , basically alone, bt l dunno, it's just and old renovator but just really comfy to hang out in, live.

If l'm working l always try to get out most days, pick up spares or spin over to one of the other towns for a change of scenery , or some lunch, whatever.Or locally up to the shops even , groceries whatever , anything just to get out for awhile.

lately l've sort of developed a bit of a pattern in spare time. love hanging out around the house a day , 2 or 3, but then l make myslef go see some, a drink with my brother, or another mate l know, or up to the main town , see my daughter some days, or beach , go for a hike, or something. No pubbing or night life.

Same with wkends, l try to get out somewhere one day, hang out at home the other.

But that's pretty well life has been since split with gf. Mostly alone , andl enjoy lately just hanging out around this house , maybe way way too much , not sure. music or some reno's or movies , internet. It's just big and roomy and airy , views , and comfy. l often get claustrophobic but never in this house,

Do you think what l'm doing atm is ok , l really worry l'm alone too much or taht l'll slip into hermitizing too much, l dunno.

Any thoughts welcome.

rx.

[blondguy]

Hi RX

I admire and respect every post you write and wish I had your coping mechanisms when my relationship fell apart in early 2015.

I am alone a lot but have always been a homebody anyway so it doesnt really phase me too much

Just what my GP and counselor asked me....'Paul...are you happy on your own?'.....I said yes because I am.

I have people I know RX (even family) that havent had the clarity/strength to reach out on the forums and thats okay as many people wish to read only.

Your posts are always good value and I wish I was as strong when my relationship fell apart.

I didnt have the courage you possess RX. To have you as part of the forum family is a bonus

My Best as always

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Ah thanks very much for that paul.

In all fairness though , gf and l were apart so much last year that it really could've hit me much harder and soomething like yourself bt tbh , it was like we'd already had 8mths of practice and that really helped a lot . Add it being long distance we were use to be apart in that way too, even though we were still together 24 7 one way or another and being with out that now has really knocked that hell out of me l admit.

bEING Summer right now though lalso just feel like doing things so that also helps, but l'm also really enjoying time off and couching.

l'm glad your content with what your doing mate , that's really cool but it's also a bit of my dilemma because l could also very easily just hang out at home alone. it could go weeks if l let it and that's sort of why l fight it a bit because l'm actually a bit as you sound and very content tbh .

lt's ahrd to know whether to just accept that and roll with it or push myself to get out a bit as l have been

l'm sorry the break up hit you so hard. l think mine could too if l let it in too much, l think l'm subconsciously pushing all that away tbh, the good old fake it till you make it thing .

Anyway hope your well mate and thanks again.

rx

[geoff]

hi RX, it's always good to hear back from you.

If you are happy at home doing anything, well that's exactly how I was before depression hit me, staying at home, doing things that probably didn't need doing but did it anyway.

Don't worry because you are able to go down the street, pick up any parts and enjoy being at home, then going to have a drink with your brother, see your daughter what a great life you have, enjoy it, but remember worry creates too many problems, and we don't want to see that happening. Geoff.

[quirkywords]

Rx,

What an interesting post. Paul and Geoff have given you helpful feedback.

The sentence that speaks out loudest to me is:

"Do you think what l'm doing atm is ok , l really worry l'm alone too much or that l'll slip into hermitizing too much."

Are you ok with your lifestyle.

Are you worried because someone has commented on your lifestyle?

Even before my relationship broke up 7 years ago I was like a hermit as I didn't drive and I didn't go out.Ex only went out drinking so I was alone a lot. I live on top of my shop so I don't even go out for work! When ex left I sometimes didn't leave my house/shop for 3 or 4 weeks at a time. When my present relationship started several years ago I did not realise how my stay at home life may not suit everyone. I was so comfortable . Partner joined a community service club which means he gets to help people and socialise .

Just my thoughts, that my lifestyle suited me but now I make a bit of an effort maybe once a month to go out/

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Random

I always enjoy reading your posts, and this post is the same with added interest plus I can feel your brain ticking over while you wrote it.

Randomx I really think that we are supposed to do what we want to do if it keeps us happy and/or content.

I mean if staying home for a few days a week doing renovations etc is what you want to do, then that is okay.

Staying home when you want to for a rest or renovations, or going to see your daughter, going camping , going out with your mates, going for a drink with you mate, going to the beach and having a swim, going for a walk and driving different towns, These all sound like a fantastic way to spend your time.

What it comes down to I think, is if doing these things are making you happy and content, keep doing them, Why not? You enjoy doing these and maybe other things, They keep you content, give you outside time, excercise when you walk, relaxation under the stars, self satisfaction from renovating, Sounds like it's a really good and varied routine.

If you can have a lifestyle no matter if it routine or just a randomly selected one, if it suits you and you are enjoying it it okay.

kind thoughts,

Karen

[Guest_1584]

Thankks verymuchgeoff/

gEEZ MAte l never thought a great life but thanks very much though then , that's really encouraging.Your so right about the worrying too, it's just no damn good is it .

Hey quirky , thanks very much , and really interesting about how things have turned out for you . You've still manage to meet somebody new even being the home body, good for you.

But no nobodies said anything to me , no body knows my life and l've always been the master at keeping people out of my business. But nah it's just an inner thing with me. it's really too the first time l've been single in my life really too and that's a thing as well. still finding my feet now l guess , and wondering wth happens from here.

So l suppose l could say it's in those ways that nah l'm not really ok with my life as l've always ahd a partner or wife. But apart from that yeah l've been really enjoying this existence lately. that's waht worries me.

But eh ,l suppose geoff had the answer to that one right, stop bloody worrying rx .

Hi ya grands , how's things going , l hope you've been ok.

Thanks very much for dropping in and the thoughts . Your right yeah , l'm a thinker and the brains doing overtime lately.

And yeah l guess that about sums it up doesn't it the way you described it , everyone else too really , we do what makes us happy l guess.

lm on one hand very content right now just doin my thing as l have been , this house itself helps a lot too it's just that damn chilled. but at the same time now that l find myself single , the area and town are a worry though , as life feels like it passes me buy. and also being still around ex w's and her new life too, she's only 20mins away, so tbh l'm seriously thinking of selling up later in the year. My daughter will be old enough and l need to be somewhere with more to offer and away from ex now once and for all.

so those are ball park of rx's head right now in all this.

[Guest_1584]

Put it this way , do people believe we should push ourselves to get out there a bit , even though truth be known , yeah sometimes l do need to get out and so l always try to be genuine to myself and make it doing something or going somewhere l feel like or that l'm interested in,

But even then there is self pushing involved because otherwise l'll just exist at home. And l often feel lonely and empty in this new life right now so l feel as if l don't push myself to get away and go do stuff, what can change . ?

On the other hand though , things have away of happening themselves in life sometimes don't they, and l often wonder if l should just not bother , let life happen and work itself out instead of pushing myself.

Hope what l'm getting at makes some kind of sense.

Any thoughts or opinions ?

[geoff]

hi Randomx, personally it's much better to be away from your ex, because you might see them too often or with someone else or participating in something you want to be in, whether she's more entitled or whether you are to be in, leaves us with ?, but choose somewhere you like and has all the facilities you want.

My son wants me to move closer to him and my 2 little granddaughters, that I would love to do, however I like where I am, 5 min to the bank, supermarket or pharmacy, and now I am used to living by myself and wouldn't have it any different.

Maybe you might feel the same, but that's only something you will learn if you find a partner and live together.

I think that's what we say to ourselves 'do people believe we should push ourselves to get out there a bit', well you can't worry about what people think because this will lead you to be unhappy and depression may return.

Do what you want to do. Geoff.

[Elizabeth CP]

Goeff was spot on. Do what feels right for you.

Recently my dtr moved OS. I really miss her. She needed to make a decision quickly whether to accept the job offer OS or not. She was worried as she owned her house (at least the bank did) , she had a stable job & good friends. Moving meant leaving her comfort zone. On the flip side she was dissatisfied with her employer & wasn't having any success finding a partner. Her final decision came down to the question-'Will I regret it if I don't go?'For her the answer was ýes' Her decision was based on what she thought NOT on what anyone else thought or even what she thought others might expect. In fact none of the family wanted her to go because of the risks & knowing we would miss her but we accepted her decision because it was right for her.

In your case base your decision on how you feel NOT on what might happen or what someone else might do. It is your life.