I so lonely 😭 and I am tired of this

[Unicorndogge]

I don’t know how to start this but I am sick and tired of having no one to talk to and nothing to do. I sit at home and just do written jobs. No one even cares if I sit on my own all day.I have tried to talk to people that i went to school with but none of them have even showed any interest, I am so desperate. I cry myself to sleep most nights I can’t sleep because what’s the point. I am good at nothing which makes me un- useful. None of this youth groups can help me and my consular doesn’t know how to help either. I am so scared of what I have become, 20 and I have no friends or job even worse no one likes me. I just think what is the point of living when there is nothing to live for, this is cruel world. If anyone is reading this I am not forcing you to answer but if you do Thankyou very much.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Hayley

I understand that, you are very embarrassed about what happened but that does not mean that you don't ever get to have trust given back to you and that you don't deserve privacy too.

I am so sorry to hear that your dad and your brother call you dumb and stupid, that is really hurtful and I am sure it is totally fine to let them know that too. I am not sure if you can find four words to say "please stop saying that"..and see how they respond. That is not acceptable Hayley as you are most certainly not dumb or stupid.

How would you feel about asking your dad if you can go with him one day and that you would like to spend some time with him? If he says no, that is fine too but at least you have tried.

I love the thing about art in that it may not always turn out how you expected it too, but it can always become something else, kind of like life really, not always the way we thought or planned but that does not mean it is no good.

I agree somewhat with what you said in that you can't change some things about you however, if you want to make improvements you always can and there are things to do if you want to make some choices to be a different version of you. Not better, just different and you can do some things to take yourself out of your comfort zone and see how you feel, you might surprise yourself....

Hugs and hugs

Sarah

[Unicorndogge]

Hi Sarah

Happy Birthday 🥳 to you

They won’t listen to me all they do is laugh. Am I always a joke to everyone I meet coz the same thing happens when I meet other people my age they just laugh. Also I tried to ask my dad if I could come with him to choose a birthday cake for my brother since it was his birthday yesterday but of course he said no. Am I that unhelpful? All I wanted to be was helpful but I am nothing. What annoys me is that I have been trying but it’s like no one cares so why bother after all the things I am doing aren’t working but still they can’t be happy that I am trying. My dad keeps pestering me about getting a job yet he thinks I am dumb, I told him I am trying and all he did was blame me. I get so tried staying in all day it’s irritating to not have much options of what I can do especially by myself I hate it, I even talk to myself. Last night I stayed up till 1am because I don’t see the point in sleeping when I don’t do anything. I don’t think much things surprise me anymore coz I am used to them turning out bad.

hayley

[Aaronsis]

Thank you so much beautiful girl for the birthday wishes, that is so very sweet and caring of you.

I am so sorry that the conversation with your dad didn't go well and that he didn't let you come to get a cake with him, that is so hurtful and I am really struggling to understand that too, I am so sorry Hayley.

I think it is time to focus on you beautiful girl and build you up and start to do things for you. I think that getting a part time job will really be great for you and get you out of the house as well as show your family you are most certainly not dumb, stupid or worthless, you are wonderful and so caring and it will happen.

So maybe in the time you are home during the day you could apply for some jobs on line, I know Coles is a great place to start and they have all sorts of different roles that dont always mean serving customers, you could do packing of stock, but you could put in an application. Even Woolworths or Kmart too, they all take online applications. Perhaps you already have, is it worth putting a call into the lady you spoke to the other day?

There is also absolutely nothing wrong with chatting away to yourself, I do that too, it is totally fine..at least you get good conversation!!!

I am so very lucky I have just been given two bunches of flowers for my birthday, totally spoiled.

Thank you so much for the wishes Hayley xxx

Hugs and more hugs

Sarah...who is old..lol

[Unicorndogge]

Hi Sarah

to be completely honest getting a job is not my main concern, I just want someone to talk to and I want someone to be my friend. I don’t have a resume and I am scared that if I do it myself I will just write something dumb.I hardly have motivation to do house jobs so repetitive and boring and I can’t see the difference between doing them and the real thing. I have to wait until the lady contacts me. I can’t see how getting a job is going to make me meet new people, depending on the job I suppose but still like tafe everyone is there to concentrate. Also I don’t like working on my own just because I have autism doesn’t mean I want to work on my own.

sorry if that sounded rude just really annoyed at people saying hurry up get a job and I still don’t see anything that beneficial to me. It will get me out of the house and that’s all but my motivation is lacking.

i did try to make friends and nothing worked, like I am nice to them but they all rude to me back so what’s the point in being nice. Maybe that’s what I have to do.

These thoughts of mine won’t go away and they won’t go away because I am sick of this life. I am sick of everything why try when no one puts any of there effort in, they have left me talking to myself. I am so angry at everything that has used me. Maybe it’s there fault.

If you don’t like what I said and I was too honest you don’t have to reply but really I am sick of faking that I am not feeling mad.

your not old

hayley

[Aaronsis]

Hi Hayley

I am so sorry for upsetting you and talking about getting a job. I was not trying to push you, I was just trying to provide you with a solution to getting out of the house and being around other people. Sure you are at work to get the job done, but you will also meet people too and make friends and surround yourself with others, which is an opportunity to take your mind off how you are feeling and provide you with something positive to do and make some cash at the same time. I am so sorry to have offended you as it was not by intention.

I understand you are feeling really mad and that the way that people treat you is hurtful and it does cause you pain and every reason to feel angry. It does hurt when you dont have anyone to talk to and go places with and just to be with you on your journey, I get that and you are not being unreasonable for wanting that in your life too.

How has today been for you?

I donated blood this morning as a way of helping to do my bit for the bushfires...it was actually a really good experience and it made me feel good about me.

Sorry once again Hayley and huge hugs and much love to you

Sarah xx

[Unicorndogge]

Hi Sarah

You haven’t said anything wrong. It’s my dad and his girlfriend I get they’re pushing me but I just don’t see how it’s going to work. No one likes me now so how is it going to change when I go to work. There’s something wrong with me everyone my age has a job, has friends, and is independent. While I just sit here hardly anyone cares but you. Thankyou. I know I am rude but this is all I got you to talk to. Why can’t I get someone like that in real life.

my day has been alright me and my brother has been talking to me a little bit more coz his friends are away and he has no one to hang out with.

And that is great that your helping out.

hayley

[Aaronsis]

Hi Hayley

I understand that you are frustrated and that you are hurting and I am so very sorry you are feeling like this. I am here for you and even though it is not in person, I am real and I do care and I will be here for as long as you need me to be here, to chat and to get off your chest how you are feeling.

Please don't put pressure on you and a timeline as to when you have to have a job or have to feel better or have to do anything, this is not worth the stress and the added pressure and anxiety that it is causing you, and it is most certainly not worth your life. Things can and will get better Hayley, they really will and it might take some time but it wont be like this forever.

I am glad that you are chatting to your brother, even if it is as a result of him not having his mates around, that is still great.

I wish I could sit with you and chat and give you a hug and tell you that you are so wonderful and that you are going to be ok, that you matter and that you are worth it. I want you to know that you are so caring and you are a wonderful person Hayley.

Hugs hugs hugs

Sarah

[Unicorndogge]

Hi Sarah

I am feeling really down today. I feel so useless and no one wants me. I am just a problem, I can barely sleep. I feel like a blank canvas 😭. No one cares why? It hurts so much. Sorry for not writing more I am in pain.

hayley

[Gadzooks]

Hi Hayley,

I hope you don’t mind me joining the conversation though I won’t say anymore if you don’t want. I hear that you’re really having a hard time and wanted you to know that you’re not alone. I empathise with you discussing your age and want you to know there is nothing wrong with you. I fully understand being confused and hurt when those around you are rude for no apparent reason. I’m a similar age to you and I can get really confused why people can’t act like adults.
You are not a problem and you are not useless. It is the fault of others if they can’t see this. I wonder whether there is any opportunity to do art with others? I’m a musician and playing music with others helps me to be myself. Plus even when family and work colleagues don’t understand I’ve found musicians to be a pretty inclusive bunch. I hope you’re able to find your group, your people as it can make such a difference. I care for you Hayley and please if things get too much know you can call one of the helplines or 000 if needed. My emotions have been everywhere today so I want you to know you’re not alone.
Sending my own hugs

Gadzooks

[Unicorndogge]

Hi gadzooks Thankyou for answering

i don’t want to bother you and I am sorry if I did. I like art but I am not good at it, I went to a art course end of last year hoping this was the answer but nope. As always I am the left one out, I try not to think it’s me that’s causing the problem but everyone that knows me is not interested in even talking to me. I think it comes from the autism that is what makes everything impossible, I can’t figure things out for myself and that’s what I want to do. And everything I try to do is all wait and wait like I feel like I am wasting my time just waiting for something that’s not guaranteed to work. I like music it’s good also the only thing that makes me happy now everything else I do I get stressed out.

Thanks for the hugs

hayley