I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Winter is a great time to make and eat healthy, I also made a vegatable soup, I made enough for a few nights dinners, which help me eat properly..

Sounds like a lovely week end, it's Saturday and where I am it's a beautiful day, not cold but not hot either..maybe this afternoon I might go for a walk around town..

It warmed my heart knowing that you are caring for yourself, as you said, you need to be well to care for your bf..

I am also proud of your determination and hard work to get yourself well, CW you really are an inspiration to those that are reading along only as well as those posting...

Keep taking really good care of yourself.. looking forward to hearing about your weekend..

Warm and caring big squishy hugs..

Grandy..

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,

I’ve had a good few days. I’ve been quite proud of myself. But I’ve had some back pain today and it’s bringing out my health anxiety. I also found out that my aunt is very sick yesterday.

So tonight I am a little sad. Although I did see my psychologist today.

I need to find some more ways to be active to help with my posture.

Ive got some more homework to do. I’ll just keep going.

[Ggrand]

Dearest CW..

Im really sorry your Aunt is sick, my best well wishes are for her..I hope she heals and gets well..

A few good days..you are going really good, CW, youbhave every right to be proud of you..Ummm......wait....just a minute.... found it...a very soft cuddly 🐿.squirrel to snuggle up into tonight.. because I'm proud of you..

Maybe walking might help with your back, Ive read in here a few people have sore backs and they walk to build up the "core strength" of the back...

Thank you for your post, I love hearing from you and listening to your amazing progress..💜.

Warm hugs and kind thoughts.

Grandy..

[Chicken_Wings]

Thank you for your sweet words Grandy,

Unfortunately my Aunty is the kind of sick you don’t get better from 😞

I cried on the way to work this morning. I’m feeling that weight of sadness again. But I got up and I got dressed and I left the house.

I hope you are well Grandy and enjoying your walks. I’ve turned the pedometer on my phone on so I can track how far I go. Maybe it will make it a bit of a game.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Im really sorry hun that your Aunt is so sick, 🦋..Do you see here at all or does she live overseas/interstate?.

Oh CW, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you yesterday, I hope your feeling better today, a little Piece of chockie 🍫 might help you..

What a great idea the pedometer on you phone..geez what will they think of next..How are you doing with your eating, and if I may ask you how is your b/f doing..

Just remember that you really need to care for yourself,

Looking forward to hearing back from you when you feel up to it...

Warm hugs and kind thoughts,

Grandy👼.

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,

My aunt lives in England. So I won’t be seeing her.

I felt a bit better yesterday afternoon and I didn’t feel so stressed when I woke up, but I feel tired now and have a bit of that annoying fuzzy head feeling.

Im going to try really hard today to use the techniques I’ve learnt to manage how I’m feeling.

My bf is up and down. He has days when he seems happier and does sweet things. Other days he feels down. I’m doing my best to be the partner he needs; whilst still caring for myself.

I’m eating well. I’ve downloaded another app to monitor my food to make sure I get enough vitamins and minerals etc

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

I am pleased you are looking after yoursel, I hope that when your down and bf is up, he also looks after you..

CW, can I ask you? Only if you want to, We're you born in England and come out here to live,?

It would be so hard to be away from your mum and auntie. At least today we have Skype, although I don't know to use it, it's supposed to be great..

I hope today you are feeling better then today, and your anxiety stay away..and your technique work if you need to put them into play..

Look after yourself CW.

Kind thoughts and stay warm Day Hugs 🤗

Grandy..

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,

My mum and her family are English. She moved back when I moved from NZ to Australia.

I enjoying Skyping with mum often. It’s so nice to see and talk to her. I do wish we were closer, but I know she loves living there. My Aunty is deaf and I don’t speak sign language (I used to get mum to translate) so I can’t talk to her.

I went for a walk with my little dog this afternoon in a great park, it was lovely. We’ve got the heater on this evening and we’ll have some yummy dinner soon. I’m going to enjoy a rest this weekend.

I hope you have some nice plans

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

It must be really hard having your family live overseas, Have you ever thought about moving to England or going for a visit?

i have never Skype before I wouldnt know how to even do it.. lol...I'm sorry sweetheart about your mum and Aunt.🌹..

Its nice going for walks with our little fur buddies isn't it? They really enjoy the outing, the park sounds nice, do you sit down on a park seat and just look at your surroundings .

Did you enjoy a restful weekend, I hop so,,

Just remember to deep breathe if your anxiety gets to high..

Kind thoughts and caring 🤗 hugs.

Grandy.

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,
It is hard being away from family. We went to England for Christmas. I loved having Christmas with my mum, was the first time in 10 years and we did all of our usual traditions.

I couldn’t move there, I’d be too scared and also I’d have to leave my pets behind.

I might move back to NZ one day though. That’s where the rest of my family are.

I try and Skype with my mum once a week. She went to an art retreat this weekend so we missed out.

I love my little dog so much, he loves exploring. We sat in the park for a while and I took some pictures. He is very little and when it is cold he wears a jumper. People always comment and want to meet him.

Im struggling a little bit today, just feeling a bit disconnected. But I’m going to try and get stuck in to my work.

thank you for being here Grandy.