I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Chicken_Wings]

It’s been nearly a week. It was a busy week with a few things on that I was obliged to attend or jobs I HAD to complete.

I think it was probably good for me, but I’m worn out. I feel like I’ve slipped a bit again. I’m trying really hard, but I’m not really sure if I will continue posting.

This thread is so long now and I don’t think anyone has the time or inclination to read it from the start to be a support to me and I’m just talking to myself.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Please continue to post, I'm sorry that not many people are replying, I'm listening, I'm sorry I haven't been around much, it's just that I've been in a bipolar episode for around 6 weeks now and it's really been a struggle to get on top.

CW, sometimes doing a lot of different thing we have to do can overwhelm us, but in a way it's good because our minds are busy..well done for doing everything you had to do..

That happens a lot to me, I'm good before sleep and I don't want to go to sleep because I like how I'm feeling and know that when I wake I could be back to being feeling not so good..I hope that your day improved.

CW, your post is not that long, I learnt that if you look around the forums and talk to others on their threads, which is a good way of using distraction, they are more likely to pop into your thread to offer support to you..I found your thread because you called into my ..Adopted son..thread, before then I never knew this thread was here..maybe give that a try ..

Please continue to post here, it's important that your heard. I'm am really sorry that I haven't been here for you..

Look after yourself and be gentle to you..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Chicken Wings,

just popping in to see how you are feeling..I hope your doing okay..

You are important to me, I'll be hanging around if you feel to talk.

Kind thoughts,

Grandy

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy,

I’m doing ok. I’ve been trying to keep active and have been enjoying doing things around the house. I think I’m improving, but I’m trying not to rush myself.

How are you? How are the cows?

[Ggrand]

Hello CW,

Im doing fine..

Im pleased to hear that you are doing okay, I was concerned for you.

I feel sorry I haven't been here for you but I got into a BP episode of ultra rapid cycling that lasted near 7 weeks and was a huge struggle to stay afloat, I'm hoping that's passed now..

Just take your time darl there's no rush, a little improvement even monthly will lead to a lot of improvement in 12 months time..

Im pleased to hear that your enjoying yourself doing things around your house, I think now the cooler weather is approaching it's much easier to get ourselves motivated, well done..Yesterday, I spent most of my day cleaning up my home as well.

Take are CW of yourself and please stay in touch here, ( only if you want to). But I really hope you continue to reach out.

Kind thoughts,

Grandy.

[Chicken_Wings]

I went for my first night out in a long time last night.

I was doing really well until we got to dinner, then for some reason I just felt scared. Like I couldn’t do it.

But I stayed, I made it through dinner. But I was scared to go to the movies, but I didn’t want to just give up, so I went and once the trailers started and I used my breathing techniques I managed to do it.

I was pretty proud of myself.

Ive been flat today. Maybe I was just a little worn out from last night?

Id love another day off, but it’s back to work tomorrow. Although so do have my psychologist appointment.

I hope you’re feeling better than you have been Grandy.

[Chloe_M]

Hi Chicken Wings,

Haven't come across you before, so hello 😄👋.

I remember a few weeks back... It was the first time I'd left the house other than to go to school or dancing. Was very very scary, my anxiety was playing up and I didn't want to go. But I had fun and it reminded me how much i used to enjoy seeing friends and family. I don't understand what's so appealing about isolation. I'm confusing that way.

You seem like a very strong person- I don't know you well so I'm not one to make judgments, in fact I try to never make judgments, but from what you've written, about controlling your breathing and persevering through the night makes me think you are a force to be reckoned with 😊.

You should be proud of yourself. I am certainly proud of you. After not going out in such a long time, only to then go out for dinner and a movie, you might find you are quite exhausted. As if you've just run a marathon. This is the case for me and seems to be the case for you.

Good luck with your appointment.

Chloe 🙂

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Chloe,

Thank you for your lovely reply.

I think for me, isolation can be safe; there is no risk. But without risk there is no reward. I guess in our case the reward is life.

My appointment went well today. My psychologist said I was doing well and she was proud of me.

I hope you continue to get out and about too.

[Ggrand]

Hello Chicken Wings,

Im so happy to hear from you.🌹.

I thought I would give you a few red roses because you are really trying so hard with your healing, well done 🌹..

I can relate to isolation being safe and that taking risks to get outside and enjoy life is so worth it..

Im so pleased that your psych visit went well and that she is proud of you..Well done..🌹..

Wow, going to the movies and staying there was a huge achievement for you, you have come such a long way since you first posted on these forums..I'm so proud of you of how far you've come🌹..

I hope your weekend was a good one and you enjoyed yourself..

Have you being eating properly lately? Just asking because I'm concerned and you've not mentioned it for a while, I remember we talked before about you not eating enough, just curious if your eating a little more now..

You have 4 beautiful roses for a beautiful person with a gentle soul. Oh yeah and a nice golden vase 🏆 To put them in.. You so deserve them..

Warm and caring thoughts,

Grandy.

[Chloe_M]

Hi Chicken Wings 👋

Sorry only just saw your post haha

That's good re your psych appt, we are all proud of you, not just your psych 😊🤗

In my previous post to you I said "...might find you are quite exhausted. As if you've just run a marathon."

I am laughing now because this weekend i did run a marathon! LOL!

have a good day x

chloe