I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Chicken_Wings]

Karen, thank you so much for your comments.

I love music, I will try your suggestion. I just ate an apple too, that’s a positive.

I’m not sure if it’s normal that sometimes crying does feel good. Like it relieves the tension, I guess you can’t be stiff and tense when you’re blubbering. My brain fog usually clears up a bit after crying too.

I’m trying really hard and I’m doing all the things I know I should be doing, it’s just frustrating.

[Ggrand]

Hello Chicken Wings,

Thats good that you love music, what are your favourite groups/singers?...I like the old school bands, Deep Purple, Santana, credence, Eric Clapton, dire straits, the shadows, Simon n garfunkle, not sure if you know them or not.

Im pleased you ate an apple, but really not enough, you need vitamins and minerals to help fight depression and the saddies,

Its hard, like you I know the coping tools, what to do etc, but it doesn't work sometimes, but don't give up keep at it, eventually we will beat it.

I used to try and stop my tears, but found that makes it worse, so now I just let them fall, then I feel better as well, so must be helping somewhere along the line.

i hope you have a better day tomorrow. With that light shining through your beautiful heart.

Kindness only,

Grandy

[Chicken_Wings]

Oh I know all those musicians.

I love Simon and Garfunkel. We went and saw Paul Simon in concert once, it was pretty cool. We went and saw Cat Stevens recently too and it was incredible. I also love the Beatles. I like old RnB like Etta James and Otis Redding as well.

I do like some newer stuff too. At the moment I’m trying not to listen to anything too sad or emotional (unless that emotion is happy!).

Im going to try and have a little dinner.

I’m determined to beat this slump, just like you. I know it’s possible cause I’ve done it before.

[Chicken_Wings]

Another day started today with that anxious feeling and scanning my body to see how it feels.

Its such a gross way to make up. Id love to get a better nights sleep and feel more rested when I wake up.

I feel dumb again, I can’t think of words straight away.

I have an appointment with my psychologist this afternoon and I really hope she can suggest something to help me feel more at ease. At the moment I’ve convinced myself there is something seriously wrong with me.

[Ggrand]

Hello Chicken Wings,

Im sorry you woke up anxious today.

Sleep is hard, I think most people who struggle with their MH has sleep problems, I do, either no sleep or waking up all night long. Maybe I'll try a chamomile tea tonight, yuck I don't like them but maybe...

How did you go with dinner last night? Have you had some breakfast? Lol sorry about the questions but just concern...

Good luck with your Pysch appointment this afternoon, I hope it goes really well for you. Maybe ask Pysch for some coping strategies for when you start feeling anxious about your health.

Your not dumb, I believe that when you can't think of words to write, it's because you are smart and our brain is in a creative mode and wanting to put more creative words down. Just my thoughts.

Please try to relax, deep breathing helps, good luck today,

i want to send you some comforting hugs today, to help you relax. 🤗🤗🤗.

Kindness only.

Grandy.

ps, Simon and garfunkel are my favourite duo.

[Chicken_Wings]

Thank you for your kind words Grandy.

last night I managed to eat some vegetables and this morning I ate a plumb and half an orange.

I think my psychologist appointment was helpful.

She gave me some exercises to do all about worry and some reading to help me understand how and why worry effects me.

So far it does make excellent sense. Now it is a matter of putting these things into action. I just wait till I worry again for that though.

I’m trying to get some more sunlight too. Some vitamin d will be good for me and I read that exposure to sunlight does help you sleep.

Im not a fan of camomile tea either. There is another one you can get called sleep tea. It has camomile in it, but it doesn’t taste so camomile-y.

I hope you are doing well Grandy.

[Ggrand]

Hello Chicken Wings,

Im so pleased you ate some vegetables last night and a plum with half an orange for breakfast, That's really healthy food but please remember if you can, you need protein for your muscles.

Im pleased your Pysch visit was helpful , It's good she has given you some homework to do it will help with mindfulness,

I heard we need around 12 minutes of sunlight exposure per day to give up vitamin D and for sleeping. Maybe sit outside with the book your Pysch gave you and read outside in the sunlight. , Today was so nice and cool,

Chamomile tea yes yucky, ..I might try the sleep tea, thank you for letting me know.

My minds foggy at the moment words are not forming properly,

I hope you are doing well CW.

Kindness only,

Grandy.

[Chicken_Wings]

You’ll be pleased to hear I ate dinner last night including some chicken.

I’m nervously optimistic today. I’m going to go outside into the garden.

I can still feel the anxious and sad feelings under the surface, but so far they’re just lingering there. No crying or panic so far today.

I hope you enjoy sleep tea. I find my fogginess becomes better when I’ve slept well.

[Chicken_Wings]

Well after that day I spent the entire of today in bed. I feel a bit ashamed for doing it, but I just wanted a day off from these feelings.

I know it’s not the right thing to do and I should try and keep going, but I just didn’t want to today.

I had a nice long Skype with my mum tonight though and spent some time painting together.

[Chicken_Wings]

I’m persisting with the exercises my psychologist gave me. I’m try my best.

Today I’ve made it to work and I’m ok sometimes and sometimes I feel less ok.

This is all hard work and I know it’s hard work that can’t be avoided if I want to be well again.

I’m hyper-aware of everything my body is doing and it makes me anxious.

I don’t know if anyone is reading this and I don’t know if writing here is helpful. But sometimes it feels good to get the thoughts out.