I just feel like i have no chance..

[HamSolo01]

A bit of context: im 23, studying full time and i work a little bit on the side as a tutor.

Ive been dealing with this crap for 4 years now and it hasn't exactly gotten any better.

As a result of depression and social anxiety ive had no relationships, no girlffriends, no sex, no nothing. Increasingly over time friends are starting up relationships and enjoying feeling desired. I tried tinder once, and actually met a girl who as it turned it out had a fair bit in common with me but because of my depression and anxieties i was a total mess. I screwed it up.. That was just over a year ago. I still haven't been able to get over it. It was the first time i had actually ever been on anything (even though she maintained it wasnt really a date). The only other time before that was with a girl i spoke to at uni and got friendly with. She was insane. Told me mental health wasnt even a thing.. then she just ignored me and that friendship ended in the dumps. I feel gross, less of a man and feel like i will just be on the scrap heap. Whats worse is that it just gets harder and harder as you get older.

If i have another person tell me i must have it good because im a tall guy, relatively good looking (apparently i am according to some, yet i dont think so.. or else i wouldnt be failing so much) and that "the girls" must like me i may punch them in the face. It's warped too.. when people compliment you on your appearance your immediate response should not be anger... but if people actually knew the hurt and pain... i feeel like i should be out there... or else im just gonna regret my young years..

I just feel so alone. My depression has creeped up on me and my anxiety is through the roof. No use talking to my family.. they haven't learned anything. Im not going back to hospital. Its boring. It gets in the way. I feel like i dont belong there...

Anyway. Feels a bit better to say that here.

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch,

Glad to see you posting (even if the news isn't so great at the moment).

Having that uni debt hanging over you but not working to use your degree is a horrible feeling. I'm in your shoes there too and sympathise. It can bring me down a great deal at times too.

Finding any sort of work you enjoy has helped me a lot in terms of self esteem and worth. Doesn't have to be in your field either. You'll find a lot of the skills you've learned can be applied somehow if you're creative.

Not sure if you feel the same but for me just getting out and doing something is better than getting stuck in a hole wondering if I'm capable of anything.

If you ask yourself what do you need from your workplace (apart from an income) do you think that might give you ideas that might be fulfilling even if they're not ideal?

For example I volunteer here because it helps me I give something meaningful somehow. I clean and garden at the local school because I love being outside and gardening (but also love it when the kids are proud of their school and want to be there).

Does it use my degree? No. But I'm learning to use different machinery and do things I've grown up being told isn't my job because I'm a woman. I hear kids comment at the school about how it is odd to have a girl gardener and it makes me feel good to show them we can do what we want.

Ok so at the moment things are feeling shit. But you've worked so bloody hard and learnt a lot about getting through the lows.

Jay mentioned recently about just trying and it made me realise that is all we need to do. Go with the shit times and just get through and try again.

Thinking of you though. It isn't easy.

Nat

[HamSolo01]

Hey Nat.

Thanks for dropping in. It's nice to speak to you again. Been a while hey?

I am doing a but better today. The last couple of days have been improving since Sunday. Sunday was a crap day.

I am slowly building a business with some other people who I met at a conference I went to. A few months back so that's good to do. It is related to my degree which is nice.

I am hoping to hear back from a HR rep who is meant to be sending me some pre employment checks for a part time role I interviewed for a month ago. I am on their register so I didn't know when to expect an offer. But it seems that I got a bit of good news between Sunday and now which helped a bit.

I also went to the gym today and two days back. I always get a coffee after to use as a motivation tool to go. I am starting to walk in my local area too. Good to get air while walking. The area is very hilly so I can work on cardio.

I must say I laughed a bit atthe school kids looking at you as a lady Gardner. Kids are funny.

Doing things we care about matters - which is cool to have this business in the background. So things are slowly progressing I guess.

How have you been otherwise?

[Quercus]

Well that last post sounds positive! I hope the business ends up going ahead for you. My father in law keeps telling me I can bust my ass working all my life for someone else or try being my own boss. Sounds good theoretically but I'm a bit too nervous to try something like that. So good on you.

On a random note... Isn't it funny/curious to try notice the things we do when we feel ok and stop when we feel crap? You've gone back to gym and coffee and getting outdoors which have seemed to help before. And weekends used to be difficult also. It is frustrating when we go downhill again. But at least you know it will pass eventually!

Things here have been ups and downs. A lot of downs. I haven't found it easy to follow threads I'm sorry. When I feel crap I tend to post randomly, it helps stop me from getting overwhelmed. But I do read when I can.

[HamSolo01]

Hi thread.

Long time no post. I just wanted to post a bit of an update as to where I am for all those who have been following over the last months.

I last posted In August and from the looks of things back then I was waiting on something. Well that something turned into a job which I have been at since mid September. I can't be too sure on saying what it is. But I will say it is in government. Its been a testing time. Learning all the new things and goings on was one thing. But because it was a substitute role where I go an fill in for people there has been a lot of moving about. This tested my anxiety yesterday as something got switched last minute when I was at one place. Then I had to catch a train to another place all last minute and learn new stuff. It was a hard switch but I managed. Then today it was intense but eased off.

So it's a bit better now.

I am only on three days a week.

So tomorrow is the start of a four day weekend.

That start up business is still going. Slow but growing.

I turned 26 last week too. I'm getting old lol. Looking back on this thread made me think of the journey I've been on. Pretty strange hey? Lol

Anyway. Hope you are all okay these days.

[Quercus]

Hi Mitch 😊,

Has been a while but it is lovely to hear how you're doing.

Happy birthday for last week. Did you do something special to celebrate? I had to chuckle at 26 being 'old', seeing as I'm almost ten years older haha.

Great news about your job! It just shows how much you have changed that you're under pressure and anxious and yet still coping and doing what you need to. Apart from the stress of moving about a lot, do you enjoy your work?

Hope you enjoy your four day weekend! I'd say I'm envious but it is school holidays here which means a break from playing Mum's taxi.

Nat

[Azzdog]

Hey Mitch,

I’d thought I’d just send you a message here. It’s been a while since we’ve last spoken and it seems like things are going pretty well.

I’m really glad to hear to hear about the job. I know how stressful it has been for you so I’m glad that has resolved itself. And it’s good to hear that you were able to get through the worst parts of it as well. You should be proud my dude 😊

I hope everything continues to go well. I know what you mean about getting old. I turned 25 a couple of months ago and I feel old! Maybe it’s because I’ve never really fitted in this generation...

Anyways enough about me. Keep pushing dude. It’s great to hear.

Also, happy birthday my friend 😊🎂

[HamSolo01]

Hey all. What a world. What a life. Things are very different now hey?

I hope you are safe with everything going on re Covid19. Please take care.

An update on me:

Work is going on still. We are considered an essential service. My coworkers are okay but it has been testing. One of them has been working at home. I don't support that as it was very convenient for them. This was a kmonth after the lockdown was in place. I am not impressed. But I guess it's life.

It wasn't so long ago that I was out with the usual crowd and another rson who I'll call Q came along. I hadn't seen Q for a while. But we were talking about dating etc and he asked me if I had sex yet. I lied and said I did. Made up some BS. My reasoning for this was that he is no longer someone I care as a friend for. He is no longer important.

Today I found out that someone I am friends with moved out of home. I want to do the same soon but need more money and a better job. So that also affected my Mental health.

I am not great lately. But I guess I am trying.

[The Snu]

Hi HamSolo01,

I am 43 and I’m finding that it gets a bit easier as you get older and let go of other people’s expectations. You will not have wasted your youth as every step of your life’s journey leads you to the person that you become, or are, so none of it is wasted.

Relationships are pretty shallow and fleeting a lot these days, especially when it comes to being a sensitive person trying to interact with people who may not have developed the same qualities. One thing that worked for me was seeking people much older than myself to be friends with. I also had a few relationships with them too. This helped me a lot as they were very kind and nice and helped me to think better of myself. They showed me a sensitivity and caring that was lacking in people my own age. Might be worth trying? Going along to a group where people are older might help you relax a bit with anxiety, I know it helped me to join a lapidary club and get to know lots of lovely people there.

Don’t regret your young years because from what I’ve heard and understood, it is hard for everyone, just everyone has different issues with it. The older years are actually the best ones, from what I hear, when people have everything they actually need and want and have spent their lifetimes working it out and then finding simple things which satisfy them.

Hope this helps.

[HamSolo01]

Hi The Snu

Your words were very encouraging and do believe you are right

😊

[HamSolo01]

Hi

I don't even know if anyone will even read this but I have had some bad online experiences with others recently that has really left me feeling rather depressed and let down.

I was trying to be helpful to others and provide some advice or support but it was thrown back at me and I am really downtrodden by that prospect. It's hard to know where to look at a time like this.