I Don't Even Know Anymore...

[BenignSky]

Hey, guys,
I've been drifting around in the social sector of Beyond Blue but decided to post on here. The title really says it all. I'm unsure of everything and anything.
My name is Emily (or Em or any other nickname you wanna call me) and I'm fifteen years old, yes I'm still a baby. I don't really know what's going on with me, but I can tell you, I've been through a lot. From bullying, body image issues, sexual assault twice, friendship issues, online issues, relationship issues, losing loved ones, random and so few panic attacks, self harm and what I can only describe as an eating disorder yet not professionally diagnosed - I've had a good share of what life has to offer.
My issue, at the moment, is this. My friend (A) was dating this girl (B). B, had been lying about some serious issues, a lot of which I've had experience with. It is believed that B isn't telling the truth and for good reason, but there must be a reason for the lies - right? Anyway, A and B broke up a few weeks ago and A made this group chat online with my friendship group for support because he was all over the place. Anyway, basically it turned into a place to plan attacks on his ex girlfriend. I'm not like that. So, me being me, went and said something to a teacher because I can't let something like that happen. Like, yeah, she did something horrible but at the same time, she doesn't deserve to get treated like that. Word has gotten back to my friends that I told the teachers and now I'm about to lose everyone so today is fun.
I get it was a bad move on my half, and pretty disloyal to my friends, but my morals will always win.
And bloody hell, now random people are messaging me and I've made a right mess of myself.
And I'm gonna lose everyone that I care about and I'm gonna be alone again and I'm frustrating more and more people. I'm awesome at relationships, did I mention that? Seriously, all my friends are avoiding me now.
Why do I do this to myself, argh...
And this is one of the many reasons I hate myself.
It's taking me so long to write this post because I'm dealing with it as we speak.
There's so much more I wanted to say on here but my life has just been consumed by this...dark cloud known as social media and loneliness. I went against my parent's advice by bringing this up with my teachers when I should've just left it but I didn't want to be involved and I can't let bullying happen, especially when I know B isn't coping.
Why do I do this to myself?

[BballJ]

Hi BenignSky,

You said life has been hell lately but it sort of seems like it has actually been pretty good as well, don't forget to try and appreciate the good times you are having, the thing with the host family went well, that is something to be happy about, you and Jordan reconnected which is good and sounds like he has come around. Hopefully you both can find some time for each other, year 12 is a very stressful year for many people so finding time for social events can be very difficult, but just keep talking when you can and remaining friends.

I wasn't sure of the background of the story of the guy from Sweden but I would ignore that person and not speak to them again, no one deserves to be put down that much. Not worth your time.

Keep focusing on everything you have to do. CAT's, assignments, work. So much to be done and hopefully helps keep your mind more focused for a while.

My best,

Jay

[james1]

Hello Em,

Glad to hear you got that sorted with Jordan. It sounds like there's still a bit of work to do in terms of maintaining a friendship that can realistically work while he's interested in girls who live closer to him, but it sounds like you're doing a lot better in that regard.

Nice one with the scanning rates at work and even bigger congrats for almost reaching your savings goal 🙂 When do you go overseas?

Keep it up!