I always do things ass about

[velvetfaerie]

My first introduction thread after being here FOREVER..... because I always do things backwards...

Velvz. Bipolar.... type? Not sure. I walked out of the psychiatrists office the day he tried putting me on more meds. That was a decade ago.

Anxiety issues. OCD issues. Occasional SH concerns. Checkered history of substance abuse.

I manage for the most part by exercising, good healthy food and good sleep practices. Substances these days are 3 drinks maximum and I'm rat assed.

I work full time. Study part time. Bought my own house years ago. On my own. Ok the bank helped lol!!! Most days for me are 10-14 hours depending. That's work and study and house things and exercise.

At the moment I'm struggling because I believe I've burnt myself out and pushed myself into hypomania. I'm all over the shop. Been here before but no psychosis stuff. Woo.

Oh man I don't know what else to say. No kids. Love kids. But conscious decision not to have my own. Love men. But sadly I'm intolerant to relationships after a while. Moody 😁😁

Animals and music are my passions.

Yeh so..... **** awkward silence***

velvz.

[velvetfaerie]

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaand i get to work to see 59 ignored emails from my one day off.My "team" have access to these yet ignored. This is EXACTLY WHY I FEEL I CANNOT TAKE LEAVE !!!!!!!!!

I am so angry today.......at accommodating every so and so in every aspect of my life. That is IT.

I am sure everyone just wants me to self destruct.

[velvetfaerie]

Told BF I am sick of accommodating him all the damn time.

Having silly lucnh time discussion around the table with colleagues about touching. I said I want no one touching me, mostly as a giggle. So my boss comes up and touches me, rubs my back really hard - FRESH TATTOO... I wince and explain then I get a lecture on my choice to tattoo myself.

1) not allowed to touch colleagues anyway unless they say it is ok.

2) i said i am not into it. HOW IS THAT AN INVITATION TO DO IT????

3) GTFO with your judgement. My choices don't affect you so F....... off. Until they do F ......... off more.

V.

[CMF]

Oh Velvet,

What a jerk your boss is doing that and NOT HIS BUSINESS if you get a tattoo and where you get it. Maybe you should have hit him where it matters and told him his choice not to wear a cup to work? My point is...it's a personal choice and private matter...not work related...but touching is. What a bunch of numbats to let all those emails sit there. I feel your anger and frustration, having the same sort of day myself. As far as the BF goes, yeah i get that, me too.

I'm flamin angry after 'his' stupid comments today.

Let's go find a punching bag and destroy it.

PS Hope your back is ok 😞

[velvetfaerie]

Man let’s totally go punching bag!!

SERIOUSLY HUMANS ARGGHH.

backs fine 😁

[velvetfaerie]

So a friend started a text diatribe this am at 5am... lots she says don’t add up and inconsistencies to her stories. This am it blew up. Either she is a total liar or completely delusional/ hallucinating.... and it’s not small stuff it’s all very serious stuff .... but all the stories keep changing. And I simply can’t believe it anymore.

I phoned B.B. for guidance. They rocked. I phoned MHERL too... they rocked and then lastly a MH hospital place. All helpful.

I am ok just in two minds. Is my friend full of bulldust for attention seeking or delusional and needs help?

I got very angry with her this am and apparently that’s what she wanted. To be called out on her BS.

Not happy. At all.

I’ve been doing so well, just tired, and I think she needs to go away from me.

V.

[CMF]

Wow that is full on. Was it a cry for help because she couldn't deal with stuff?

[velvetfaerie]

Not really sure but I’ve told her to see her medical folk. I can’t do anything for her she needs to help herself.

And if it’s malicious lies for attention she can stay away. One of my most hated things in life is lies.

V.

[velvetfaerie]

Crappy irony - been awake since 3am, yet utterly exhausted. So I got up and started doing things. Taking day off work too.

How can you be so tired yet unable to damn well sleep a proper cycle?

Tired energy does my HEAD IN.

[CMF]

You're overtired and too much in your mind. Good that you took the day off.Have you been to the gym lately? Maybe a good workout will help you get a good night's sleep. I've been waking during the night and super early too, tossing and turning.

[velvetfaerie]

I gymmed this am. Was fun. Man thing wanted to visit. I felt pressured. I wanted today to nap. Instead I’m finding myself unable to regulate. Exhausted.

Friend phoned. Not spoke in a while as obviously she’s doing better re her collapse (bad break up).

Wants me to go to a gig with her. Hours drive away. She’s got no licence or car. All this after I explained I AM EXHAUSTED... and I don’t know who my friends are anymore.

Been so upset.