HSC anxiety

[Guest_9546]

Hello

I do not know if anyone can relate to me or not but I have "educational anxiety" for maybe the past year and 8 months?

So I wasnt allowed to do my desired subject in year 11 (in year 10 I chose extension 1 maths but wasnt allowed)

At the beginning of yr 11 I was told I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I started to stress because I wasn't told about it earlier and I wanted to do it desperately

I complained to the head of maths (on many occassions) and he then decided to make me sit a test weeks later

Weeks later I did the test and I stuffed it up. I wasn't allowed to do extension 1 maths. I was stressing and tried complaining multiple times to the head of maths. He decided no. He then referred me to the school counciller. He told me this "rubbish" that I only need advanced maths (2U) for uni since it is a calculus course but I felt I needed extension 1 maths

The counciller told me to let it go (and so did he). I tried to let it go but it didn't work. It was then raised to my school principal (through a complaint to the department of education) and he told me to just focus on all my other subjects because extension 1 maths will make things worse (but I thought of it the other way around)

Ever since that incident, I was stressing everyday. I had anxiety (and still do). I have found it very difficult to learn. Did horribly in tests
At the end of last yr, I told the HT maths that I dont care about learning anymore (since he didn't let me in extension maths earleir in the year).

Ever since then I learned to develop a deep obsession of hatred to him (because I think he's ignorant)Even now (which was a year a and half from that incident of not being allowed to study my desired subject) I have suffered anxiety a lot, I have been so stressed out that it has affected my learning, I have developed a deep hatred to the head of maths, etc. I have even cried a lot at home at times because I was too stressed out. Even back then I found a bit of difficulty sleeping

Assuming I have either narcissism, bipolar disorder or some sort of sever anxiety ] I want to apply for EAS (educational access scheme) for my HSC because my learning was affected from this event a lot

I wanted to do extension 1 (and 2) maths at high school because I wanted to pursue an actuarial degree at university (or a maths degree of some sort) as nothing else interested me but not being allowed to do my desired subjects made me stress

I would appreciate any advice from anyone here

[Guest_9546]

Hi Hope.for.the.best

1. That is true bc even though I saw a psychologist over the last couple of weeks, I still haven't felt completely healed, like I'm still stressed and depressed at times

2. IMO studying through videos is ineffective bc that's not applying the knowledge you learnt, the best way IMO to learn is to do past papers and learn from mistakes (but for me everytime I do that I am continuously haunted by negative thoughts). Even when I study through watching videos, I feel that when the person in the video is explaining a concept, I feel mentally I am battling these bad thoughts whilst watching it.

3. I know but considering that I've been through a lot of life traumas (I think the me not being allowed to do extension maths was by far the worst because it occured on my birthday and since I hated birthdays I found it more traumatising than usual) I think it would probably take at least a year to overcome that trauma

At this moment I do not think I will get into uni and just found out today about studying uni online (StartingNew said that they do uni online bc they are too busy with life) and was genuinely curious on the ATAR requirements on studying uni online? I will probably have to email my school's careers advisor on that since he knows a lot about it. I just wish StartingNew was here to help me out on this since they know a lot about this but they're probably too busy with life at the moment to be replying to me (and I guess I have to respect that)

Also hope.for.the.best how were u able to gain admission to studying into UNSW considering you did year 12 overseas? Like were you required to sit some sort of uni entrance test of some sort? I am quite concerned about this at the moment bc I don't think I will get into uni but I need to look into pathways of some sort. Like for me it would be purely based off ATAR and HSC marks due to the fact that I am a domestic NSW HSC student and that the demand and supply (and for those looking into alternative pathways they would need to base it off their uni marks such as their WAM and GPAs) will I guess judge who will be in certain courses and who will not be in certain courses. I heard that if you're considering uni but dont have any marks of some sort whether it's uni marks or an ATAR they automatically let you in because there are no marks to compare. Like I don't know how long it will take for me to fully recover but if it takes more than a year to recover than I may consider doing a gap year idk.

[Hope_for_the_best]

As I have been stressing along the way, nobody can advise you on something that they don't know. The forum is a place for emotional support and you should not expect advice all the time. Even if you do get advice, you should always use with discretion, as we simply don't know you or your situation as much as you do. As you are aware, my situation was totally different from you, plus it has been so many years since I finished high school and got into uni, so things must have changed a lot. Hence, I am not in a good position to offer your any advice.

Regarding your question on doing uni online, please contact the relevant program organisers. You are right that you should also approach your career advisor at school, as he has the information that guides you in the right directions. He is the best person to offer you possible options if you don't get the ATAR for uni.

[Guest_9546]

So I just finished my HSC and tbh I did bad in all exams bc I am still affected by anxiety and depression. Even today being the first day out of HSC, I am still thinking about this negatively. My psychologist understands that luckily enough. Also the day I get my ATAR I probably won't give a toss bc I am already planning to study uni online within 2 and a half weeks (which doesn't require an ATAR) and then using that credit to transfer into UNSW for semester 2 2018 (I contacted Open universities Australia). Sadly I will be missing out on all the fun during Semester 1 2018 bc I messed up HSC really badly and didn't seek help back in 2016 when I actually needed it. I will (in the future) make a new topic about making friends when I'm a semester behind others because I don't think this is the appropriate place to discuss this.

I do not know how to recover properly within approx 3 weeks given that I have non school issues to deal with such as applying for jobs, etc. Like I remember my psychologist telling me that (a week before HSC) that I cant process the grief properly and she said you just have to exercise and try your best. Now that HSC has finished I actually have time to recover (which is good)

My psychologist has recommended me go to a psychiatrist (for further mental evaluation as well as) to get antidepresant and anti anxiety medication. Idk if I actually should get it, a bit anxious about that

I don't think I want to do actuarial studies any longer, mainly bc the maths might be too hard for me to handle. I will try enquiring about bridging courses

Another question: Ive already been to 4 sessions with a psychologist however my GP said to me that I have up to 5 sessions and after that I pay out of my own pocket however my psychologist tells me it's 6 and then I've have a couple of headspace centres telling me that it's 5+5 (5 sessions and after that if you need more you go back to your GP for an extra 5 sessions). I am really confused at the moment about how many I am entitled to

[Hope_for_the_best]

Do you have to start uni within 3 weeks? The first uni semester usually starts in March. I don't see why you have to rush through that during the summer term. If possible, I suggest that you defer till March 2018. You have gone through a lot of things and you'd better give yourself some time to heal. I heard that you need to go back to your GP after the 5th or 6th psychologist session to get another referral, so go back and ask.

I am not sure how you are handling your anxiety/depression, so I cannot comment on whether you need to go to a psychiatrist for medical treatment. As a rule of thumb, medication is usually given when you have tried everything (e.g. counselling, change in lifestyle etc.), but your symptoms hardly improve and interfere with your normal functioning (e.g. concentrate on work, hanging out with friends etc.). I think you should consult your GP to get a second opinion.

[Guest_9546]

Well my case is quite "dodgy" bc Im not doing it via a NSW tertiary institution, Im doing it with a vic tertiary institution (and they start in late November) online so keep that in mind. Thing is I rung up OUA in Melbourne and the student enrolment advisor (I think it's called) said to me that if I start in November (I will need to overload in first year if I intend to transfer to UNSW by Semester 2 2018) and then get the content done by the end of May and then have the opportunity to transfer. As for exam periods and all that idk, I will need to ring OUA up as well and start enrolling with them. I mean at the moment (post HSC period) I have a lot of stuff going on besides enrolling with OUA, I am trying to apply for jobs and such (although the jobs will involve walking here and there so I guess it will benefit my depression and anxiety). As for the healing bit, I will try to do mindfullness meditation (psychologist recommended me that) and but idk how effective it will be in not thinking negatively for the whole day. She told me that the synapses (I think) in my brain are quite strong due to the consistent negative thoughts that have caused my anxiety and depression hence it's crucial that (with the HSC done) need to somehow focus myself in the present in order to make the synapses thinner and to not think about these negative thoughts. I will try asking my psychologist for further recommendation and what the quickest recovery method is in 3 weeks (well what the most effective method to recover is in 3 weeks-or at least make a partial recovery enough so I can focus on learning and not burn out consistently). Like I've seemed to notice that for a number of years after an hour of studying or something I would burn out (I think I may have been suffering depression for a number of years idk). I haven't been bothered to ring up the kidshelpline simply because I don't feel the need (although I should because I need to know how to properly recover within 3 weeks). I think the 5 ways I will recover are the following 1)mindfullness meditation 2)5 senses thing 3)negative thoughts on a sheet of paper 4)exercise and maybe try some of the stuff swtpotato recommended me do

Well I said I was starting to get better although I still do have it. I will try and ask my psychologist with regards to the medication stuff (although I don't think she is the best person to do so as the psychiatrist is designed to do that)

[Hope_for_the_best]

Good to hear that you have developed coping strategies. Stick to them and be patient for the results. They do not happen overnight. I am not sure whether it is of help to you, but when I got a bad episode of anxiety from studies during my uni years, my psychologist actually asked me to enjoy a summer holiday without worrying about anything. At first, I was skeptical of her advice because I thought I had a disorder that needed medical treatment, but I took her advice anyway and I just recovered completely without doing anything else. Sometimes, all you need maybe just a high quality holiday. Why not take a worry-free holiday for the next 3 weeks?

I have never been to a psychiatrist, but got to talk to one about my anxiety outside of the clinic. He said I should go on medication without a second thought, because it would take too long for psychotherapy to work. Well, turned out I got a full-recovery after one session with my psychologist! I still need to follow up with my psychologist from time to time, but I am doing fine with one session per year. I tend to have a feeling that some psychiatrists like to prescribe medication without assessing whether it is necessary. If I were you, I would have a chat with a GP. GP tend to be less biased towards medical treatments and they can provide a more objective opinion.

[Guest_9546]

Um...interesting question actually....I don't know to be honest. Within the last hour or so I contacted OUA with regards to enrolment and um...the student advisor told me that I have up to 3 months to recover because the first set of exams aren't until february (I think late february) so technically I have a long time to actually recover and just because I am starting online uni within 3 weeks doesnt mean I actually have to do the work, I'll probably put it off for a bit (until I make a partial/full recovery) and then I will get into uni work. Probably not advisable but I'll try and seek further suggestions from my psychologist. Well I probably have 2 months to recover in this case and 1 month to catch up

Yeah I feel that GP's have a mediocre knowledge of mental health (I might be wrong on that so take my words to be a grain of salt) and not as strong as a psychologist or a psychiatrists'. Like I heard that for some depression tests you will go for a blood test to rule out symptoms of physical illnesses but I didn't get a blood test and he (my GP) just assessed me via questionnaire and asking me questions. If another person was making this up, he would probably believe the liar and just simply waste his own time. Like I know you said psychologists' look at verbal cues and such to tell whether or not individuals are lying. Also my psychologist actually contacted my school principal to know more about the issue and that way she could tell if I was lying or not (I think more the former)

Also h.f.t.b I will try updating the "skeptical about life" topic when I have the time

[Hope_for_the_best]

It really depends on how much training your GP has received on mental health. If your GP has an interest in mental health, he will be quite knowledgeable on the topic. I would still think talking to your GP is a good idea, because he received medical training and has more idea than your psychologist if you need medication or not. I am not saying that you should not go to a psychiatrist, but be prepared that you will be put on medication straight away. It sounds like you have hesitation whether or not to take medication, so it is better to get a second opinion. You need to go to your GP anyway to renew your psychologist referral plan, why not take this opportunity to ask?

[Guest_9546]

I'm sure my GP has some knowledge about mental health (and so do other GPs) thing is I've been to him for physical illnesses and when I was told about the GP referral thing to a psychologist, I thought I would try and consult him about the issue yada yada you get the story. Turns out he did have strong knowledge about mental health (and Im sure it would be the same for others). My biggest regret though was not going to headspace because to my knowledge headspace has GP's who specialise in mental health (not just psychologists and psychiatrists although this depends on the headspace because they all operate differently to each other) and headspace is mostly about mental health. But yeah I'm all sure all GP's around the nation have strong mental health knowledge because they would've gone through intense training and studying in order to become a doctor (and also due to the fact that mental health awareness is almost everywhere these days, especially TV and fundraising events)

Thing is my GP didn't refer me to any anti depressant/anxiety medication (my psychologist thought I would so she recommended me to go and see a psychiatrist)

I don't know how long the anti anxiety/depressant medication would take to "sink in" to me bc I remember my psychologist saying something like your synapses are very thick due to thinking negatively consistently which causes anxiety and depression (or something along the lines) and we need to break it

Um...yeah maybe I will ask him about anti depressant/anxiety medication. It depends on whether or not I feel it's necessary

[Guest_9546]

Anyways I feel that now I should put this thread to an end because we are consistently getting off topic (and really lately I haven't been as bothered as much to go on this site as much as I did when I started posting on this site). I still will be on this website though bc I may need assistance here and there (when I actually need it). I think this "journey of depression and anxiety" has taught me a lot. Yes my academic results will not be as great as I want it to be but now I've just come to the point that I don't think I care about my HSC results any longer bc I've found a pathway which can get me into my desired uni course in like 6 months (and I'm sure there will be hundreds and thousands of other students doing the same). My biggest regret was probably me getting angered at the HT maths (for not letting me in extension 1 maths) and making accusations towards him on this site but when I see it in the "bigger picture" he is just a minor fraction out of all the life traumas I've been through and to be honest I have been feeling very guilty ever since I got into trouble and cannot get over the fact I lashed out to him not just on this site but at school as well, especially with my disrespectful code of conduct to him back at school. I mean I wish I could give a sincere apology to him but idk how to bc he may not accept me apology due to my bad attitude towards him (I will probably have to send an email to a teacher and get that teacher to forward it to him or something). I actually had a much worse incident at school with one of my teachers where she publicly humilated me in front of a class about something I hated and that is actually what traumatises me everyday (well one of the things). She never understood how upset I was and I never got the opportunity to tell her that I didn't like what she did (I sent her an email but she never replied). I feel that it was actually wrong of me to treat the head of maths disrespectfully yet I didn't have the same attitude to one of my teachers. Everyday I am feeling that excessive guilt about how I was angry at the head of maths when he didn't deserve it, yet never had that attitude to one of my teachers who did something way worse than what he did. He is a very well liked teacher at school and people have fun joking with him here and there. I wasn't one of them but I wish I could turn back time and actually be polite to him

Anyways thank you all, I will catch you on some other topics on this forum. All the best