how do i stop crying

[Matchy69]

I feel so alone,i dont have many friends or anyone who wants to know what i am going through.I just find my self just breaking down and crying.I just want some one to listen and not to judge me.

[Matchy69]

Thanks Sarah for reminding me about the Worlds fastest Indian.I just found it and will watch it when i can have a kid free moment

[Aaronsis]

Hi I am back..some house work knocked off for today I think...

That is so very sweet of you to feel happy for me for finding my clivia (yes I hear you about it sounding rude..lol). I am so very happy with it and hope that the pic updates on my profile so you can see it, the colour is amazing.

See..you are not alone with the OCD and the washing, we are all crazy around here...and it is so nice to know that we are all crazy together...I even have OCD when it comes to washing the dishes but I too want to scare you off too much...lol

That is such an awesome break through for your son and the toilet...omg...fantastic! Well done to you as I am sure that you have been training this for awhile and now you have a break through, that is so positive, and positive for him too as he can feel so good about his achievement today.

My son applied for his first job today so we will see how that all pans out for him, just at the local IGA but it is a start for him and gets him some pocket money to blow on what he wants.

My grandmother makes amazing jams too, she has lots of fruit trees so I am always sure to leave with a jar each time I visit. It is not easy to make good jams so that is really impressive. I love marmalade I know many don't but I really like it, maybe that is something I can add to my to do list. You certainly do have a creative flare between baking and gardening and making preserves and restoring bikes, wow! I always wished that I could draw, I am not really that creative, I love to do creative things but I would love to be able to draw and to paint, that would be so good and apparently very theraputic too! I do tend to do some coloring in in and mindfulness book which I really love, here is another thing that is weird about me..I love pencils and having a nice tin of beautiful pencils..funny hey!

I got home before and my whole lounge was covered in cat hair like that had had a massive brawl, it looked like someone had burst a pillow over my floor...I really don't know what goes on here when I leave!

Yeah absolutely sit some time down to watch "Worlds Fastest Indian" again, it really is a fantastic film.

Your friend

Sarah

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,i had to laugh at you and not knowing what your cats get up to when your gone.It would be so interesting having a camera set up to see what they are doing.Having a party when your gone.Mine likes using my leather lounge as a scratching post.My lounge is just covered with my teenage daughter on a laptop while watching a DVD.

You wouldnt scare me with your ocd about washing dishes.I have one to with it.

You have an unique compassion for caring about other people.That is really cool.

My dinner tonight was spag bols with a bit of home grown silverbeet thrown in and chochalate pudding for dessert.The kids ate it all which is good as they are so fussy when it comes to food.

Thanks for saying im a creative person,never thought of my self as one.Just do the things i enjoy doing which is many things i picked up from my parents over the years.

Your friend,

Mark

[Matchy69]

And Sarah good luck with your son finding his first job.Exciting time for him

[Aaronsis]

Hi Mark

That would be hilarious to have a camera set up to see what those cats get up to when we are not home....there is always something out of order or out of place. I cannot really have flowers in a vase as one of my cats loves to drink the water out, which equates to a smashed vase with flowers and water all over the floor....grrrr

Yum, spag bog is my all time fave thing to eat, I could eat it for every meal, I have no idea why I just love it. The silverbeet twist sounds good too, and then chocolate pudding....it is like a restaurant and your place, your kids are very lucky indeed. I am not sure yet what I am going to have for dinner, I feel like a pizza but that is so naughty..lol

You are most definately creative, look at all those things you can bake, grow and repair...very creative indeed.

Wow, I just saw on the news this lady who gave her husband her kidney, wow, what an amazing person. My step sister is younger than me and hasn't children yet, she has had all sorts of issues and is going to freeze her eggs soon. She is then planning on getting a sperm donor and having a baby the year after. She is not sure that she will be able to carry the baby. She asked me last week while I was there with my dad if I would consider carrying it for her. I think I will, If I am able, I may be too old now, however I can't imagine not being able to have a child when you so desperately want one. She is going to go through so many tests and procedures and all that to achieve it so I feel like it is the least I can do....I know mine works so If I am able to I will.

That is funny what you said about your lounge being covered by a teenage daughter on her laptop, I soo know what you mean..lol

That was so very nice of you to mention that I am a compassionate person Mark, I really feel like I have changed alot since my brothers death...here is a massive confession and one that I am terribly ashamed of..I was a mean girl at school and was not very nice to some of the kids. That actually haunts me know to the point that I actually randomly messaged one of the boys at my high school after finding him on facebook to apologise for my behaviour and how desperately sorry and remorseful I am to have been so mean. He actually accepted my apology but it wasn't about me feeling better as I don't, I just wanted him to know that it actually wan't about him at all and that anyone for me was a target.

Anyway, so yeah I feel like a new life has started for me.

S

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,I was really impressed with your honesty about being a mean girl in school.The person i know is a very caring compassionate lady and do beleive that.I was bullied at school mostly by guys one in particular who use to make my life totally misserable in school.Their was a girl on the first day of high school who came up to me and told me i was the uglyist boy she had seen.I think that effected my confidence ever talking to girls in high school.

I had Pizza last night for dinner,ham and pineapple,my sons favourite.It would be a restaraunt here if the kids wernt so fussy.

Thats amazing thing you would do for your step sister.I would probably do the same thing if i could.I am so blessed to have fathered two children with the problems i have down there.I had a dna test done for my son as my ex wasnt sure who the father was but it turned out to be me and hes the spitting image of me.

Take care,

Mark

[Aaronsis]

Thank you for saying that about me Mark, I really still feel very very bad about who I was as a teen and I am so sorry for the pain that I too have caused to people. I can tell you now that what that girl said to you "you are the ugliest boy I have seen" was actually nothing to do with you at all. See, I believe truely that what you worry about inside you project onto other people, so what I feel like she was actually saying to you is "this is my first day at school, I feel really lousy about myself, I have no idea how to do this, I am trying to fit in". As you know yourself how hard high school is and I am not sure if you have read some of the other threads on here too, some are from teens struggling with this exact scenario. We are so desperate to find out who we are and the need so badly to fit in and be accepted...ahh the list goes on..I am so sorry that she left this scar for you and that it impacted your school years, that is really unfair and hurtful and I bet if she could stand in front of you today she would say them same things that I said to the boy who I was horrendous to..the other part of this is that my daughter was pretty badly bullied at the begining of this year, year 7 and I had to fess up to her too about how mean I was and try to shed some insight into this behaviour. I am no expert but being the bully I felt like I could speak on behalf of her bully. Things are better now but I saw first hand the damage that bullying does and it broke me, and there was nothing I could do really as she had to work this out with the bully through the school, it did work out and the school is very good and defusing these situations but geee...I felt like all my years at school were back again and I would have done anything to go back in time and change my behaviour.

Ham, pineapple, chicken and chilli is my all time fave pizza..you wont believe what I just ate for dinner..a peanut butter s/w..lol..the joys of my kid free week and not having to cook.

My daughter is the spitting image of me too, that must have been a really anxious time to have to go through dna testing. I can't image how that would have felt. You have been through so many trials in your life Mark and I am so sorry that some of them continue to make you so sad as you certainly deserve every happiness in this life. I really wish some brighter days ahead for you and you know I think they will come I really do.

ok so now to show my age..off for some rum n raisin chocolate..lol

[Matchy69]

Hey Sarah,thanks for your insight into that girls thought process.It was really hard time for everyone at the beginning of high school.A lot of bad memories for me in school.Some other stuff happen as well,i will tell you another day.

Rum and raison chocholate is my favourite.Old Jamacia i use to have it for a special treat.Havent had it for ages.I use to buy choholate everyday for my ex she was a chocolate addict.

Just watching a movie with my daughter,my son has gone to bed see how long it takes him to go to sleep,hes talking to himself at the moment

Take care,

Mark

[Aaronsis]

You nailed it Mark..Old Jamaica is the best ever....I have had two rows...piggy

That is really cute that your son is in bed talking to himself, my daughter still does that at 13..I think she forgets sometimes I can hear her...

I would like to hear about your school experience but only if it isn't too painful for you to discuss or if you really dont want to put it on this forum that is totally fine too.

Enjoy your movie with your daughter, I am so close with my dad and love him so much, they say mothers and daughters are close but there is a very special bond like no other between fathers and daughters. Enjoy.

Harry Potter is on in the background and I have two cats sitting on me so guess I am here watching HP so not to upset the cats..lol

My son plays baseball and the first game of the spring season starts tomorrow, 8am so early start for me..booo..then I get my kids back tomorrow night so I am looking forward to that.

Chat soon

S

[Matchy69]

Hi Sarah,I hope your enjoying your sons baseball game this morning.I wanted to tell you what happen in school was i abused by a friends father.

I am having a bad morning crying thinking about things. My son is full on