Help

[Fiasco]

I think I'm going crazy. Can someone please help me?

[Fiasco]

Completely forgiven Quercus. Thank you ladies. Will try to write more soon.

[White_Rose]

Quercus and Fiasco, I was in tears reading Quercus' reply. Do you know how much I accepted because I had been brainwashed into believing it was my place to defer to men. My generation was brought up to believe this but the older generation had their own ways of managing. I feel I fell between two stools being not part of my parents generation and not yet ready to join this one.

Add to that my ex upbringing was vile and he learned not to trust any woman or given any more than he felt was warranted. And now I hurting from the wretched fibromyalgia or whatever is wrong with me and I'm tired all the time. And I am crying like a baby.

Must stop.

Mary

[Quercus]

Hi Mary and Fiasco,

I'm sorry Mary that I upset you (and am thankful Fiasco that you're not angry).

You protected your kids Mary. That is massive. You studied so they could see you as an intelligent woman. Also a huge achievement. It's easy for people to judge and say why did you allow him to treat you like that. But they didn't live your experience. And are speaking from ignorance. You coped the way you knew how. You left when you were able. You kept your kids safe. And your still here fighting. That's what matters.

My generation isn't supposed to defer to men. It makes it harder to talk about and harder to accept. There is huge shame in admitting what happened. Like there is something inherently wrong with me for allowing it to happen.

It's all crap though Mary. We do what we can to survive. You are an amazing person, exceptionally kind. You deserved better than how he treated you. I'm sorry you are in pain and sound absolutely exhausted. I'm thinking of you and am sorry you're so distressed.

[White_Rose]

Bless you foxy lady. I have no idea why fell apart like that. It was like a dam bursting. Well it all spewed out and I do feel better.

Take care of yourself. Please rest assured you did not upset me. It was my past that did that. And you are right, we do what we need to survive. I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday to get the test results and hopefully it will show a reduced inflammation level.

Mary

[Quercus]

Fingers crossed Mary! I don't know much about fibromyalgia but I liked how Stressless suggested the pain specialist. Is there anyone like that you could get a referral to?

Chronic pain is just like that unfortunately. I remember bawling in the car on the way home from the shop because they didn't have what I was looking for. When you're in pain all the time the slighest thing can set you off I found. I'm glad you feel better getting it all out though.

Thinking of you Mary (and you too Fiasco I hope you're having a good day 😊)

[Fiasco]

Can't deal today. Don't want to.

both kids sick, now I'm sick too, having issues with my disc in my back above where I fractured my tail bone a few years ago, husband working so hard at job that he got home just in time to say goodnight to kids, 5 year old put on mental health plan yesterday. I'm not dealing with anything and I just want to crawl in a hole

[Quercus]

Hi Fiasco,

It sounds like it is past time to look at your support network. Who can you ask for help? Are your family in the picture? Is there a family member who you can call for help? Or a good friend. I called my mum to drive 3 hours to come when I had to go to the doc and my son was vomiting. She ended up sick too but said she was so bloody happy that I'd picked up the phone and asked for help.

You need support and some rest. Even for a few hours. How can you make that happen? You are important too. And you sound exhausted.

[Fiasco]

It's ok. It'll be ok. Everyone I know either works or has kids of their own. Everyone is struggling, and I can't ask them for help.

I do understand where my husband is coming from. I knew his family before I married him lol. And sometimes his no nonsense attitude is really good for me (eg making me get my licence) and helps to snap me out of myself.

My dad helps as much as he can but he works full time and he's...getting better at managing his emotions (growing up I felt like he was a 3 year old, now I'd say he's matured into a helpful 15 year old lol). But I wouldn't push him to look after my kids (and I just don't fully trust him even though he hasn't hit me since I was 16 and he has proven himself many times over since then. Just don't wanna push him). Mum told me straight out when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter not to expect any help from her because she was too busy trying to survive herself (she believes she has chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia but nothing has been diagnosed because she hates western medicine).

Ah medicine would definitely not be my scene. I'm much more arty and English oriented. I did start naturopathy once, but when my daughter started having seizures I deferred and have never gotten back to it. I find it hard to deal with normal stresses nowadays - I think studying is now beyond me.

my husband often says that my thoughts are incorrect - that it's all in my mind and I'm misinterpreting things. That always makes me feel like crap. Even if he doesn't mean to come across as condescending etc, the point is that he does. And yes, that's what I've said to him many times.

I don't know why I'm whinging. Honestly, no one's life is perfect. I need to look at the positives and make an effort.

[Fiasco]

Sometimes I feel like people who had no support themselves are like, "well I never had help, so why should you?"

[Quercus]

Hi Fiasco,

You're tired and sick got to give yourself a break and not be hard on yourself.

I've learnt that friends with kids just get it when you need help. The hardest bit is actually asking. Please just try it. My friend texted me this morning saying her kids were driving her nuts (and funnily enough so were mine) so I told her just get in the car pjs and all and come have coffee and the kids can trash my house together. And she did. You know what... Now I feel better, so does she and the kids are peaceful for a bit. So everyone wins.

Do you have a set day for hubby's parents to take the kids? Maybe tell him to sort it out. Even if it's once a fortnight you need a break. If he doesn't listen tell him it's either that or he takes them out for a whole day. Your needs are important too.

It might be a case of saying to him do you want me to end up in hospital again? Because if nothing has changed since your last breakdown you'll eventually burn out. You can't be supermum all the time! It's impossible. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Whinge away! It doesn't bother me. You're needs are coming last again. And that is crap! You can't look after anyone if you don't look after yourself!