feeling so lonely and isolated

hope4joy · ‎15-05-2016

hi everyone, I feel kinda guilty posting here because I haven't been active on the forums for a month or two. I guess I just need to vent and reach out a bit as I can't seem to stop crying today. i guess the main thing is i feel overwhelming loneliness. its horrible because my life outwardly is going so well, in terms of doing things and studying in an area that i love. but it seems my loneliness is something that always comes and haunts me, or plagues me or is just my reality in life. i'm okay with being alone and spending time by myself. but i struggle to maintain many close friendships. its like i'm getting worse at it the older i get. and i seriously have so few people in my life that matter and hardly anyone i can ring up and ask to catch up with. and it seems i al always the one initiating contact with others, no one really makes an effort to spend time with me. i keep having something go round and round in my head, something that a friend said to me that at a certain point in her life she realised she didn't like who she was and she decided she had to change. in many ways i think i'm a caring, funny and sensitive friend, i'm good at encouraging people and being kind. but i suck at meeting my own needs and i think i often don't really share my mind or heart, i sort of withdraw. and when i'm stressed or sad or whatever then i pull back further - when this is when i most need support. sometimes i can feel really awkward in group social situations at night, and feel so out of place, and not know how to make small talk. i'm just so tired and distraught at not having a full loving life. am i a horrible person? what can't i seem to hold on to friendships? i was thinking to ask my one close friend for her honest feedback on why i suck at friendship cause sometimes it is much more obvious to other people, but i don't want to freak her out or put strain on our friendship. so yeah. i guess just many many tears of alone-ness. and the sad thing is i don't know how to solve it. maybe i am just a horrible person who is destined to be perpetually alone? and it is horrible that this was the trauma of my childhood - from about age 7 to 12 or so i lived in a home with an alcoholic dad and older sister and spent so much time in nature climbing trees and swimming - on my own. maybe i never learnt how to properly be around people and its gonna hinder me forever? sorry to be so self absorbed right now 😞 thanks for reading

hope4joy · ‎10-08-2016

Hi Qld Mouse,

and greetings from the US! I'm in LA right now, finally set up with local sim and data, after finishing the canyons tour on Sun. Each day was breath taking scenery, lots of wows and incredible feats of nature. Walking in "the narrows" a creek in Zion, and a loop trail at Arches were my favourites. I also did a 36km day hike into the Grand Canyon and back up - amazing to drop 1.3km in altitude and end up by the Colorado river. The longest hike I've ever done.

Now I've got two more nights in LA (staying with some lovely cousins I've met for the first time - I cancelled my Air BnB - before heading on to San Jose to look for a rental.

im finding Americans incredibly friendly, open and generous people. The humour seems a little diff, still getting my head around it. They also make the most amazing shakes!

Today is the first time I feel homesick. I visited a US art institute and that triggered some homesickness. I'm looking forward to having a home and yoga studio in San Jose. I guess the amazing thing is I've been in almost constant company since I got here - and despite being independent am enjoying it.

How are you??????????

Christina 🙂

QldMouse · ‎11-08-2016

Hi Christina,

Wonderful to hear from you, and especially wonderful to hear about your travels. Wow!! 36 km down and back up 1.3km. I am amazed and quite envious. That is terrific, and its the longest hike you have done ... so far!! I'll bet it wont be the last, or the longest. I can see you hiking the PCT ...

So glad you found your cousins, that is awesome. Yes, did tell you about yanks. They are lovely people with such a spirit. Enjoy!!

Golly, forgot about the shakes. Its the milk, much richer than ours. Actually most of the food is richer than ours. How is the exploring of the foodie side going?

It certainly is normal to feel homesick, that is pretty healthy. I suggest getting out and making the most of the new experiences. Your time will race quick enough, expecially when you start school.

Too soon you will come home, and trust me ... you will miss your OS time.

All good here, you have a fantastic time. 🙂

radiojammer · ‎29-08-2016

Hi hope4joy, it's a while ago since you posted so I hope you see this and Ive only just joined this forum as a newbie. I feel lonely and isolated a lot of the time too so I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I shouldn't be but I am. My job is one where I look after the elderly and people with disabilities and I dont get to make friends. Ive had friendships over the years but if I havent been the one to put all the work into them the friends have just stopped contacting me. Suffice to say I have very few friends and rarely have anyone I can do anything with unless I go to the movies with one of my daughters. I've even travelled overseas by myself (without my husband because he never has any money and we dont have a good relationship anyway).

You dont sound like a horrible person at all to me, I'm not either but people just dont like me I guess cos I get angry about things and they think I'm a "whinger". Friends have just deserted me over the years without giving a reason, one minute we're friends, the next I've never heard from them again. I wish there was some way out there I could make friends and have someone I could do things with.

Sorry if Im talking about myself a lot but I just wanted to say you're not the only one not having a full life and you're a lot younger than me so you have more years left in which to meet people and improve your life. I only have 2 close friends and one seems to have abandoned me lately so again, you're not the only one with few friends. I feel life is passing me by and I'm never happy. I dont know what to do. There need to be more groups out there for people suffering loneliness, anxiety, depression etc. As I'm not good at sport it would be no good joining a sporting group, although I love watching sports.

Interesting to see you're a support worker which is what I'm supposed to be. Maybe you find it isolating like I do though you say you love it. I work for 3 different agencies and they can't get me enough work so I dont pull in much money and cant support myself on such a low income.

Dont you hate it when people ask you how you are and they're not really interested in finding out for real? Anyway, hang in there, you do sound like a worthwhile person and I can certainly identify with much of what you have to say.

Sue