Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Pretty sure she noticed I was quiet when she arrived. She walked in, sat down, talked chairs with M while I switched off then out of the blue asked how I was. I wonder if there's even been discussion with M about it or has she just decided & that's it? She liked some that were $2000...for THAT house. If M & I ever lived together I'm sure we might like something that's OUR taste, not hers. I just don't get it. She's met a great man yet buying furniture for a house she shares with M.

I should have spoken up & asked why? Asked isn't she thinking about a future with her man. Not her brother?

[CMF]

Before M &I reconnected 3.5 years ago the plan for sis to move in was already in motion, all planned by her. She thought she'd have her bro to herself. I guess I threw a spanner in those plans. I keep asking, why has she been placed as an obstacle in my relationship? Maybe I'm the obstacle for her? I upset her plan. No wonder she goes straight from 1 relationship to another, her happy family with bro ain't gonna happen cos I'm with him now.

[Guest_1584]

l don't understand why she'd want any of that , she can't have a real relationship with her brother , surely she'd want something real and normal, a real couple . But all this m stuff almost blocks that , blocks it for you too. Very weird ha , you should ask a shrink to work her out.

But you are right your not nuts 3 1/2 yrs things should be moving to all about you two these days. Especially house stuff and things like that , that should be you two creating your future and especially the way and things that you like.lt's not right either though that you should have to compete with sis to even get a look in though.

Shame , new man might be perfect but that doesn't mean he's perfect.

rx

[Guest_1584]

She might be subconsciously , or consciously , blocking you two and stepping on toes bc she needs m back up.

Too weird.

[quirkywords]

CMF and random

There is so much going on. Do you think sis just automatically,y sees that she and m will share a house and their lives.

I wonder why m never seems to stand up for Himself and tell sis what he wants now he is part of a couple.
it seems as if sis may have some emotional hold over him, I maybe wrong.

i have two brothers and apart from a few weeks in my late teens when I was feeling low, I have never lived with him.

It is ok to ask why would sis who has a new man seem to prefer to spend mire time with her brother.

Since m knows how you feel about sis I wonder why he has never put his foot down and made you his priority, I know your children are young and you are planning a future together.

It must be so hard over the years to go back and forward over the issues you have with sis.

These are my thoughts and you may disagree.

[CMF]

Hi my friends,

I agree with you both. I'm glad I'm not the only one that sees it. He will never stand up to her cos he owes her for saving the family home. She will not move on till she has a man to live with. She loves being the saviour, using her money to buy people & set up a cosy family for herself to fill the void of not having man. I might ask M what he'd do if I said wanted to live together soon. He can't ask her to leave so would he risk losing me cos he can't stand up to her? I've tried so hard for 3 years now. I can't tolerate her. She controls him ,& his boys. She walks around doing g what she wants when she wants & we all have to suck it up & accommodate her cos God forbid we should be honest cos we all know she'll over react & soon about it cos her money has bought everyone.

[CMF]

Well I brought up the furniture last night & he got peeved saying I'm always reading into things too much. Said she has money to spend & he's told her a bigger TV not needed. Also said she can buy chairs cos furniture is hers & it'll go with her. I felt a little upset all night...reading too much into things? Today was different. He booked a beautiful lunch as it's our anniversary. We were talking about ex wife, forgiveness, communication & he mentioned that I was peeved Friday when sis started with the chairs & that peeved him. It's first time he's acknowledged my feelings. He acknowledged that I can't see sis moving out but she will in next year or so. I told him 2 years is a long time & my feelings won't change. He explained sis lives for now not the future, hence the new chairs etc. Later we got onto us, where we'd live etc & he said there are possibilities we don't even know about yet. He said sis is very smitten with new man , he's sick of hearing about him...haha no kidding . All we hear about is her stuff. I told him I realised if I go home cos she's there I'm punishing him for her behaviour & it's not fair. I realise he sees what she's like & I'm happy he acknowledged my feelings AND how that made him feel.we also spoke about grandchildren & how WE would be the grandparents.

Progress perhaps?

[Guest_1584]

Haaaa yeah , l'd call it progress.

Smitten with new man though eh , well there ya go , never do know she could be out of your hair sooner or later.

lt amazes me that you two never seem to end up in actual fights , most of your stuff is all quite peaceful really even if it does float about underneath for awhile.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I guess we never really fight cos he's so easy going. I'm pretty open with how I feel about things & I think he respects that cos his ex wasn't. There is such an easy fix, he just needs to tell her we'd like space. She can discuss stuff with him any other time but she has to do it the minute she walks in. It's always about HER & what she wants lol.

I was thinking tonight how they are in reverse roles. He's more like a female- gentle, understanding, kids his priority, great around the home. She's like a male - tall, loud, does body building, drives big fast car, bossy, big earner, changing partners very quickly.

Crazy lol

[quirkywords]

Random x I too wondered that CMF and m rarely fight. I come from a family if argues.

CMF I think you have an understanding with m. His sis has everything she wants and gets what she wants. Also m must enjoy having his sister around and he loves you, so wants both.
This is frustrating for you.