Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF · ‎20-02-2017

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

CMF · ‎26-06-2022

When he dropped me off he said thanks for a great day. When we argued I said I don't like feeling anxious he said it also ruined his afternoon cos he was stressed about me.

So was it a great day or not?

Sophie_M · ‎26-06-2022

Hey there, CMF.

Thank you for being so active in our forum community - it is really appreciated!

Things have certainly been tough emotionally lately. Sadly, that is the perfect environment for Anxiety to try to dictate to us what is happening and how we should react. When emotional needs are not being met, it makes it so much harder. The Black Wolf loves to get fed and will make sure it takes hurts and unmet needs and drive it into crisis where every it can.

On the one hand, it can be critical to challenge that voice, and strive to see things from other perspectives - Does everyone in the situation feel exactly how I think they do? Are the issues where I think they are? it can help give you a more rounded perspective so that you can move forward or think about this differently, in a way that might be more helpful for you.

That said, it is always critical to be honest with yourself, and others, as to what your needs actually are, and how they are or are not being met. things hurting can always be repaired, but only if everyone acknowledges the hurt and wants to work on it. So, it is not at all selfish or wrong to put your needs on the priority list!

Do continue to reach out here, CMF, and please also remember you can give us a call to chat at any time - 1300 22 4636

Regards,

Sophie M.

CMF · ‎28-06-2022

Thanks Sophie

Feeling much better. I had a card reading done last night. She is so accurate so therefore I find comfort in other things she tells me. It made me feel better & I do acknowledge I can overreact and be very sensitive to something. This doesn't mean excluding me or accommodating others at my expense is ok. His sister is a big trigger for me. I know that.

We are both in better spirits after our argument. I've had some guidance on how to handle the situation.

Thanks for your support.

Cmf x

CMF · ‎29-06-2022

Don't know what to do about the fact I don't trust her & that he now is not transparent with me if it in regards to her. He will accommodate her first & just fit me in.

Guest_1584 · ‎29-06-2022

Wellllll after the second last one l was just about to say all fixed, thinkin l could make it a mid wk wkly haha , butttttt, not quite, damn.

Yep , that's weird , he's thing with her should be lower than with you, of course. lt's one thing learning how to avoid any drama with you not mentioning things , but honestly it is another entirely him seemingly putting her first. l mean maybe it's not like that but it does seem that way - would grate the hell out of me sorry.

CMF · ‎29-06-2022

Yeah...does seem that way. I find it interesting that last year hexwas thinking of selling his house, paying her back & moving into the town house they own. She suggested selling the town house as it'd be empty. He told me he wanted to get rid of his mortgage & do some things to the house. Well they've signed a tnt for another 12 months. I just can't help feeling she's pulling the strings & he's just letting her get her way. Of course there could be reasons why but I know the conversation we had. When I mentioned him hiving her money back he said no. She owns half his house & that's it.

Yep. She's enjoying owning him too.

CMF · ‎30-06-2022

As much as we've been laughing on the phone this week I'm still hurting. I feel sick at tge thought of them, of her controlling his life. We know he just agrees Ti what she says/wants. The only time I've seen him say no was when she wanted to buy new dining chairs. She said she wants to leave all her furniture with him WHEN she moves back to her place. He said no to all the chairs she liked. He should be able to choose/buy his own chairs if he wants new ones. SHE had told me he's oblivious to things so she takes advantage by being in his ear. Sadly he's oblivious to her too.

The puppet & the puppeteer

Guest_1584 · ‎30-06-2022

My feelings, it's a bit more than all that . He like her in his life and living with her , and she does to. Neither of them are in any hurry to part company and get on with their own lives.

CMF · ‎30-06-2022

Sad but true. If we were in a position to live together I wonder what he'd do?

CMF · ‎01-07-2022

I met the new man today. He is lovely & yes, a male version of me. I liked him immediately.

I'm not sure they are a good match though. Over time she could walk all over him as he's quiet. I guess I worry that it's OK for now but long term will her dominant personality be too much for him? Esp of he's like me.

Time will tell.