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Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

4,760 Replies 4,760

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi rx,

Yes, simple life any day for me. I don't understand how he loves that about me yet loves the material stuff. Haha, he could never live simply like I do. I watch the same TV shows each night. We have Stan & Netflix but the kids use it not really me. I liked my little TV. I've had my TV on at night but not watching it & haven't used the smart stuff. I'm not excited about it. It's just a TV. I'm a kmart girl. He admits he'd never buy anything from kmart. I'm want to ask him, if someone were selling cheap,genuine Nike or Adidas runners with no branding, would he buy them? I know he likes the quality but would he buy the quality without the branding?

That would be interesting 🙂

Guest_1584
Community Member

Same, and roud of it. Peaking of netflix can't stand the thing, talk about overload and so Americanism it's not watchable to me. Funny with tv talk last few wks here and there l'd been wondering if l should've gotten the bigger one. Mine's a 42 l thought bigger would be too in my face and too close. l suppose it might be good for movies , dk. But l know what you mean l'd had a 32 for 8 or 9yrs since divorce before this one. So l suppose that might be a dumb tv then right haha. lt was a better tv and so easy on the eyes and senses. Tthis smart things a bit of a pain actually and too in my face.

l suppose quality is nice but myself l've always been of more the practical nature combo.

Guest_1584
Community Member

Left out a few letters there but you get the gist. But yeah l mean later on when your living together. He'll probably be walking in the door every 5mins with some new something or gadget .

l'm going back to dumb phones they're called these days , when mine blows up. Had it 5 yrs it's still kicking well. l mainly bought this one bc it has a great camera but like the tv, l don't care what else it does as long as it makes phone calls and messages. My d laughs at my apps, ahhh, l don't have any.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Oh yeah you get it.

I think the 55 inch is a little big for my space. 42 would have been ample. Sis bought an 85 inch or maybe 90. It's ridiculously big. They don't get it that it's hard to watch. Not comfy at all. As for Netflix, my kids use it but for me, all I do is flick thru trying to decide what to watch. It is overload. Phones, yep they think their latest iPhone are better. I had a ho at him recently cos when I can't find info on internet he says to use his phone. It's not the phone, it's the search word ie little miss typed incorrectly. I have an inexpensive Samsung. I don't use all the little things like email, paying with my phone etc. Can't stand it. My phone does all that too but I don't want it. I told him I can't stand that they think they're better or their stuff is better. He hates me calling him spoilt, but it's sort of true. He is very generous though lol. I wonder if sis is ever jealous of how he spoils me? He exes never did that for her, esp the 12 year one. M & his son shopped for my bday gift, apparently. Her & bf were there but must have been doing their own thing. It was the night they went to the movie. I'm glad she didn't help him this time.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

For my bday sis gave me a little gift pack with 2 jams & small bottle of gin. I don't really drink alcohol or eat bread for the jam. I gave a gin now & then so I guess she thought I'd like to try it. It's a Shiraz gin. Probably bought it more for M haha. There was also no card, just gift in a gift bag. I found it odd but that's OK. Not everyone is into writing cards, but I would for family.

Oh well, I know she's busy...maybe realising...

Guest_1584
Community Member

Wow 90 , my God may as well buy a cinema to go with it , couldn't stand it.Funny that's all l was doing when l tried that netflix to, the flicking drove me crazy and the thing roaring at you every time you stopped one second to check out a title, and the pause, drove me insane, it cuts of after a few minutes your out making coffee come back and it;s got adds roaring at you, maddest thing l ever saw.

Sis is at least realizing a few things these days and was a bit unsure about a pressy.New man sounds like it's going ok , have you been around them ? Nice m's thoughtful and generous l dunno would she really care though you are his partner . GF's a bit funny about me buying her things even small things, she's not use to it and it sort of overwhelms her a bit and she's thanking me forever afterward , it's kind cute. What she really wants though is a ring haha.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Yeah a cinema...and don't forget the popcorn lol.

New man seems to be going ok. I haven't met him yet. M says he is lovely. A male version of me which I find interesting. M mentioned something new man can't stand & it was something I also can't stand. If he's like me I'd love to know what he thinks of sis living with M & his boys all this time. I wonder if he has thoughts on why she has to text M on a Saturday night when he's with me & she's with new man? Surely he'd be wondering why she's still there. From what I gather he doesn't stay there much. She goes to his more...probably for privacy? Anyone I speak to thinks the situation is weird & been going on way too long. She doesn't want to live alone. That's all there is to it. Wonder if new man sees that & what he thinks?

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Last night M went out with some friends first a catch up. My older d was going roller-skating with a friend so M's son, little miss & I went too. I picked up M's son & had time for a coffee with M. Sis wasn't home. THANK GOODNESS. It was so nice to have a coffee with M, in his home without her all over us, talking about herself. I could talk without being listened to, interrupted.

I could get used to this 😉

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Sometimes everything is just too hard

Guest_1584
Community Member

And after your last post , l was about to pack up and go home. What's happened.

At any rate , there must be something in the air bc l'm having the same thoughts at my end too right now.