Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

We had a nice walk today and lunch. He mentioned her in conversation about 5 times .

We both agreed how tricky it is for us to live together with the kids. I brought up his house situation. He said she'd be fine if he wanted to sell, maybe even but him out. Just feels all over the shop . One week asking why wohkd5he want to move, now saying he would move. I guess it's a positive, he s being open minded about us.my older daughter confirmed she would live with her Dad. Idon't want to make a decision thst causes her to want to do that.

On our walk we stopped & looked at a new development near my place. We actually went in and M enquired. I was surprised, he's said in the past he prefers a house so we can have lots of people over but he was showing a lot of interest in these apartments. Maybe he knows sis isn't moving yet so he's thinking of other options cos he knows I've had enough?

I'm confused.

.

[Guest_1584]

Gees he's come a long way has mr m.

l'm surprised l'd be thinking he'd try to keep his house but there ya go , he's open to that too . lots of people over he is a people one isn't he. But no problem , he can buy my place, heaps of room but only me haha. Well my d's back atm too but it's still way too big. How olds ur d anyway cm ? Mines 20 and tells me to move where l want she'll only be visiting by then anyway.

Pretty exiting though , especially with m picking up his game , are you feeling it ? l know it might not be until God knows when butttt at least you two will be able to work something out anyway so that's big . Things will probably fall into place as time goes on.

rx

[CMF]

Yeah I'm surprised. Who knows when but at least I know he's thinking about it.

My older d is almost 18. She is seeing a lovely boy, friend of M's son. It's the reason they had a fall ou6. M" s son forbade het going out with any of his friends but these 3 click and you can't help who you like.

The young lad ous sick of hanging out with the boys as all they do is drink and do stupid stuff. He's over it and more mature. Last night he chose to hang out with my daughter instead of the boys, but he felt a little anxious and told the boys he'd meet them later. Well he didn't. He ignored their calls as he chose to stay with my daughter and look after little miss as M & I were out for dinner. When M went home he told sis the lad was here. This morning M's son was chatting to sis and brought up the young lad, that he was going to meet them later. Big mouth sis told him no, the lad was with my daughter. Who the f does she think she is blabbing personal stuff to M's son? Nothing to do with her. The last purposely didn't answer their calls, didn't want them to know and she told them. How dare she discuss my daughter and the lad, they are coping enough flack. . She had no right blurring out stuff that's none of her business. The last had anxiety ad it is. There's tension with M's son and She went and opened her big mouth.

She need a to bugger off and mind her own damn business...AGAIN.

SHE IS IN EVERYTHING.

My daughter and whst goes on in my house is not her business to discuss.

[CMF]

Omg. I just can't do this anymore. It's too complicated. Sis' blabber mouth caused M' s son to send a nasty message to the lad. He told me he felt so sick when he read the message. He is dealing with a father who is not well, he's trying to mature, paying rent and bills. He can't afford to to go out driving till 2am during the week, drinking himself stupid. M's son doesn't get it, M doesn't get it that his son's behaviour is not acceptable. They've been friends since primary school.

My daughter is upset, the lad is upset, I feel sick and anxious.

All because his sis has a big mouth.

[CMF]

So I spoke to M about it. He gave me different info and said that he also told his son the lad was at place, not meeting up with the boys. Apparently the text wasn't nasty, it was honest, hence the reason the lad was upset. The last told the boys he'd meet up with them and M's son was w a voting alone for him in a park

M told me not to take it all on board, let the kids sought it out and encourage honesty.

[quirkywords]

CMF
Yes as M says the young ones will work it out. As adults we can listen but not get involved.

I am glad your daughter has found a pleasant lad.

How did the rug buying end up .?

[CMF]

Hi Quirky,

Yes, we ordered a rug online. Charcol colour as per M's original choice. It should arrive this week. The room is will he completed. Prints, new lamps, doona, pillows, throw blanket.

It looks great. He loves it.

Cmf x

[CMF]

Its hard for me not to get involved when I see my daughter in tears and her bf upset and stressed because of M's son. He's said he wants nothing to do with my daughter after they were so close. He says she betrayed him by going out with one of his friends, yet he hooked up with her friend whilst getting back together with his gf. He said my daughter is controlling the lad and not letting him be with his friends which is not true. The last doesn't want to sit and drink all night, he's over that. He & the lad used to work together delivering pizzas, the lad got him the job. He's been in there talking rubbish about him so he feels he can't go in there. He's being an unreasonable jerk. Instead of being happy for 2 of his best friends he's being a jerk and bagging them to others. Apparently yesterday he slept with a girl the lad liked - behind his back- for months. The lad got over it , they remained friends. He's a jealous hypocrite unfortunately. It might he time I had a word with him.

[Guest_1584]

Yikes , could be why m says let them work it out or he has to tackle his son.

But it's so hard. My daughter just went through the most horrific thing with her now ex , interstate 1500k from home , police and all. And not a damn thing we could do . Broke my heart and ex's too . Thank the Gods she's home again now and seems to be bouncing back and seeing this guy for what he really was. l know there's a lot of hurt in there too obviously still but l'm so proud of her.

The girl always won over mates when l was your kids ages. l had mates but no way l wasn't seeing her just to booze up with them instead. But there wasn't really much of that sort of thing the lads dealing with , my mates felt the same about seeing their girls.

rx

[Guest_1584]

ps. Mind you we did mate stuff too but it usually thinned right of when someone had a gf.