Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[startingnew]

Hi CMF

just wanted to stop in and say hello. its been a while since ive been here so i apologise for not keeping up with any news

💜💛💚

[quirkywords]

welcome back starting new.

CMF ,

it is funny if one points out something one cab be seen as being negative when maybe you are realistic.

You have seen what is happening and doubt things will change. It is good fro brothers and sisters to have a close relationship but not at the expense of their own relationship.

I wonder how the sister's bf feels about the situation. Do you talk to him much?

[startingnew]

Thanks Quirky

Do you have a thread i could visit you on? i cant seem to find one atm?

[CMF]

Hi Startingnew, thx for dropping by. Lovely to see you and I hope you're well.

Hi Quirky, the bf is new on the scene and I haven't spoken much with him except in a group setting. I doubt he'd notice as he is like a puppy dog around her and they get plenty of uninterrupted alone time. When they are up in her room or in bed they can discuss private things. If they were sitting around together M wouldn't intrude on on them and just take over bringing the attention to him. He's not like that at all. The thing with M & I is alone time i rare,so when we have time together I resent her hanging around. As I said, we're a couple not a threesome.

[CMF]

M is teaching PE this year so has set his office up in the school gym. He was explaining it to me as sked if I'd seen the gym, which I haven't but he has shown me t h e classrooms. He said he'll have to show me. His sis jumped in and said she hasn't seen the gym and she should go and see it. Really??? She really wants to be his woman he was talking to me about his work/office and somehow it became that she should go see it. He's 10 years older than her, tool her to school as a teenager, looked after her. I know they're close but she is encroaching. I'm questioning her reason for moving in. Thought it was financial but she s spends heaps of money so I think she wanted to be with him, in a family set up rather than alone with an ex who gave her no attention. I really question her motives now but for themit's all fun.

[Guest_1584]

lt's a strange one alright. My dad bought this place once of a brother sand sister - hold onto your hat- in their 60s n still living together. lt's a wonder the bf's don't pick up on the brother crush really isn't it.

rx

[CMF]

Today's inappropriateness.

Sis was showing us the runners she bought for her sports model comp. She started telling us whst6she had6to wear. Bikini, not a g string, it comes into a V at the front which she demonstrated with her fingers and and then high cut at the back,up her crack as M said. So awkward.

Great, can't wait for comp day.

[startingnew]

That wouldve been awkward CMF 😬

[CMF]

We had a birthday/christening on M's side of the family today. It was lovely and my little miss came too. I was pleasantly surprised that M bought a gift thst was from us and didn't include his sis. When we had family photo it was M, myself and our kids. His sis had one with her mum. The only annoying things were her asking if his Parma was as good as the onr6she made recently and her telling him she'd make a certain cake for his bday. 'Wifey' has not considered thst maybe I'd like to get him a bday cake..i guess I'll be hearing about how awesome her cake is and she can put it on FB to tell everyone she made him a cake. Such a good 'wife' I was also disappointed when she had to show us a photo of her posing in front of a mirror to show her back muscles and M adked if I liked her new shorts.seriously, am I looking at her back muscles or her butt in her lycra shorts? When we got back to his place he asked for suggestions of where we could go for lunch Sunday cos she knows all the good cafes. M suggested we could also see a movie at our new local cinema. She started googling so I left. I don't need my Sunday planned by her. Not a threesome.

[CMF]

I'm so down. My 19 yo son has been staying at his dad's last few months. I saw his gf today who told me they broke up last week. They remain friends but I'm so sad for him. They both said it was mutual. Maybe ittriggered me, maybe I want to protect him, hope he's not hurting. I miss him. They were together since high school, about 3/4 years and a gorgeous couple.

I can't stop crying 😥