Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Forgot to mention, the body building involves her getting up on stage. The last part is a shredding diet which is very strict protein first, no sweets. Her joke is that she can only sniff cakes and donuts. This is all good, except she mentions it and does it everywhere there are cakes. At the party today she made a point of It and sniffed the donuts before we left. She tells little miss that when we go away she can't eat donuts, only sniff them, but little miss can eat them for her. Seriously, sniffing cakes when we're out? Attention much? I'm so sick of hearing the same crap every week...the car, the diet, how great she is.

[Tess2]

Dear CMF,

surely you are over this? I know you love him, but move on. It will never change.tess

[Guest_1584]

Ahhh cm cm cm. Bloody.

Yeah l think we were right way back at the start we were saying right here it's as if they're in love with each other. No idea how that works with bro and sis. Obviously no touchies so l don't even know what it comes under like it's not like a normal situation with some outsider that could like be an actual threat , but at the same time yeah - she's still managing.

l know the type , it'll never end it's just her personality and make up and unfortunately he loves it but at the same time that's not really a threat bc she's sis but man , what an intrusion. l can well understand how your feeling though anyone would at the end of their rope.

rx

[CMF]

Tess, I hear you. I really do,but I know if she didn't live there things would be completely different.

Rx, you always get it. She's not a threat, but it's annoying.

Tonight we went there for fish chips . Thought I'd test the water after our chat. Well it was a great night. She was there initially but went out. We had dinner with our kids, then some of their friends came by and it was great. We were like a normalblended family. All hVing fun, I could talk to M with no intrusions. It was a great night and I thanked him for a great night. It was so good not to have her involved in our conversation. So good to feel like parents with our kids.so good to feel normal. I'm not goung5to throw away our relationship because of her. She needs to understand boundaries and thst M & I don't have much alone time or time together with our kids so when we do, she needs to but out,not take over. It really made me realise just how intrusive she is and how much it impacts me. I can't be myself around him when she's there. Tonight I felt free, like I was visiting my partner rather than a married couple.

[Moonstruck]

Dear CMF.....and that's how it needs to be, all the time. You've put up with this unbearable situation for so long, I admire your endurance and fortitude and restraint....but surely this one lovely night demonstrated just what the two of you deserve, without intrusion from a third party! Time to set the boundaries and say them out loud.....I know this sounds scary and I'd be scared too....but please tell your partner to speak seriously to his sister about this and how it is affecting your relationship and your well-being.

He is so close to the situation, perhaps he can't see it clearly.....but she obviously has "problems" which you are not obliged to fix or carry for her any longer......"Let him go 'sis"!!!!! Good luck. (have you tried simply saying to her politely when she enters the scene "excuse me, we're having a private conversation here"....

[CMF]

Hi Moon,

You're so right. He is too close to the situation to see it. I told him tonight what a great time I had. He asked why and I told him - no interruptions, I could actually talk to him. Told him it is just so different. Another thing is that I don't want her involved in every conversation. I may want to tell him something about work or family, things that are not her business. I cant6fo that if she is around. I'm sure she doesn't want me involved in every conversation she has with him or her bf for that matter. I deserve the same privacy she enjoys. Tomorrow M and I are going out. He asked if I wanted to pop over to his first. At least he didn't assume like we used to. The good thing is that if the interruptions and conversations between them happen,I can point it out to him. Shes out tonight, I'm sure she'll take over and tell us it. I'm still testing the waters.

[CMF]

Well today was lovely. When i got to M's his sis wasn't home yet. She got home shortly after and we chatted about her night then M and i went out for a lovely lunch. We got back and she was out. His son was home and funnily enough he interrupts too when we are talking. He just talk over me to M but M ignored him whilst i was talking and apologised to me for the interruption when he did answer him as he kept calling him. I don't get as annoyed when his kids do it as they ask a question and then go on their way, but his sis keeps talking and makes it a conversation between them two. She hangs around too so i can't continue my conversation. He mentioned a few times about us living together and how different his sis's new bf is to the ex, in a good way. In fact he said she seems to struggle with it, with him ringing often to see what she is up to. I have seen her not answer his call cos she is 'busy' and seeming annoyed...interesting. M and i got to snuggle on the couch and i told him how much I love feeling happy. Funny how she wasn't around this weekend when i was there and we had a great weekend. We focussed on each other, and our kids, and it felt 'normal'. M is also relaxed as he is on holidays so it was a bonus. i don't get as annoyed when the kids interrupt as they are our kids. They ask something and then go, but he did make his son wait and pointed out he was talking to me.

More weekends like this would be nice.

CMF x

[Guest_1584]

Heya cm.

Well that's some really nice progress hey. At least kids have an excuse too though still learning , but when a grown women's twice as bad, well.

Unfortunately she doesn't sound as into bf as him her, damn, ya might not be rid of her yet but eh keep training them haha, at least m's looking ahead with you guys, you'll get there and it's very hard to find so it'll be worth it in the end right.

Glad you had some nice time. rx

[CMF]

Hello all,

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and a break from everything. We had a nice one with family and as always i was spoilt by M. We've had a busy few days and I have been there quite a bit. His sis has been better. I have noticed she hasn't been interrupting and taking over and even if she is sitting with us whilst we are talking she is keeping to herself. I do try to include her so as not to be rude but it has been better. There was one interruption one night but M ignored her and made a point of focusing on what i was saying. He did the same with his son who always interrupts. We shall see how long it lasts, but it has been pleasant to go over there and chat together without her dominating. He has been vey amorous of late, I do know he is more relaxed as he is on holidays. We went out for a lovely lunch yesterday and he does often mention'when we live together'.

New Years Eve is going to be quiet. M, his mum, little miss and I are going out for a bite to at and then back to mine for a quiet night. He is tired of hosting everyone at this place alI the time & I don't blame him. His boys have had lots of friends over of late, including my daughter and he is tired. They come and go and the doors opening and closing wakes him up. I did have another chuckle today as the kids have been a little rowdy and she can hear it from upstairs in her bedroom as it is above the lounge room. I find it funny cos she has had to tell them off but it is her choice to live there. She told them to use the front door instead of the back but that wakes up M. If you live with teenagers that is what you get. I agree they need to be a little more respectful late at night if others are sleeping but It was solely their house before she moved in so now she has to deal with it. Even though she did save them from having to sell the house, they come with it. I do have a little chuckle about it nwo and then. Could it be a bit of Karma?

CMF x

[CMF]

Mr again

I've had some anxiety last few days and a busy mind. I wonder how long sis plans to live there? I know it's temporary but is there a time frame? Is it d dependent on her wanting to live with a bf? She's been with her bf a few months now. Where would they live? Her place? I know she wants to knock down the family home and build her dream home. Is it dependent on when that happens? I've never asked M and I'm sure he has no idea. She came up with the idea of buying into his place and moving in. There was probably no time frame. It's been almost 2 and 1/2 years. I'll never feel I can really move forward with him while she's there cos it's like she's his partner. I'll never feel completely at home there till she's gone. I'll always hold back a little.

I'm just over thinking...but still...