Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[Guest_1584]

But you see it's all that kinda stuff l've been talking about.

Anyway, is new man around much lately or more so or , does he come to any of this family stuff yet ? Wonder what he thinks of their thing , he might not even know yet. Although she probably talks about m enough for him to figure it out by now even if he isn't.

[CMF]

He knows. Slept there couple of times. She seems to his more as he lives alone...funny that. He does shift work & seems to go hunting/fishing alot. If she lives with him wonder if she'll like that, being alone or will she run back to M's when new man is away? Or try to control him? She needs someone she can control.

He hasn't been to any family do's yet. Think he was away fishing etc. Will be interesting to see how that plays out.

[CMF]

Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Am j wrong to be sick of her being there? Am I wrong to think it's creepy that people think their nsrried? Am I wrong to want privacy to talk to him when I'm there? Am I wrong to think enough is enough? Am I wrong to feel he has 2 'relationships' going...tge family one with her & the gf one with me? Am I wrong to feel tired of it & upset?

[quirkywords]

Maybe the question should not be am I wrong to … but

maybe how do I feel about his sister affecting our relationship,

how do I feel @bout M who seems oblivious to how I feel about his sis,

how long will I feel frustrated if things don’t change.

Just my humble opinion which you may not agree with.

CMF , yiu write about sis a lot so it is apparent it is something that concerns you .

[CMF]

Hi Quirky

I like the way you re phrased the questions. Thank you. Yes, all I write about is her. He knows how it makes me feel but the way he sees it she'll move on eventually so let it go. She owns half the house, he feels indebted so can't say anything, she knows it & loves to control.

I'm really concious of us having uninterrupted time together. Little miss' dad will be living across town for next month or 2 till he can move into his house in our area & I thought he may not have little miss on Sundays. This would mean she'd be with us. M doesn't mind this, he accepts this as she's my daughter. I can't accept things with dis cos she's a 42yo woman with her own house & now a new man. Anyway, little miss' dad said he'll still be picking her up Sunday's.

Last night our kids went out with friends so I suggested M come over for dinner. He grabbed some burgers & he little miss & I had dinner. I thought he'd leave after dinner but he stayed after little miss went to bed which was nice. Apparently sis was really sick at home with the flu. Tonight we have something on with our kids but nothing else this weekend thank goodness as the last 2 have been full on busy.

Cmf x

[CMF]

Had dinner at M's tonight. Over dinner sis mentioned twice about when she moves back into her house. WOW. Is she actually thinking about it? Maybe new man has made her realise living with her brother is too much. Maybe she wants space & privacy with new man like they have at his place.

Gee I hope it happens soon.

[CMF]

Maybe her reading did reveal more than she told us. Maybe it did reveal she needs to move on? It is odd that she'd want to buy new furniture to suit her house. Why wouldn't she use the furniture she has & wait till she lives with her man to buy new stuff? Her house doesn't have room for his boats & cars.

Oh well. Who knows? Could be all talk again but interesting it came up after her reading.

[CMF]

I have many negative thoughts about M & I. I get annoyed at little things & big things but this weekend he proved how amazing he is. I've had anxiety over something & i told him today. He put my mind st ease straight away & cleared my anxiety. I felt the weight lift& relief wssh over me. I had little miss with me today & thought we'd do something low key but we still went to a nice winery for lunch. I wanted to pay but he wouldn't let me. He helped her with homework & was just his generous self.

I'm so lucky. Just need to control the negative thoughts...& pray sis moves on soon.

[CMF]

Dinner at M's tonight with his son, my d & wifey. She mentioned her & new man are invited to a wedding in December. His mate. She seemed surprised to be invited. Don't know why. She slept with him after 1 date, been with him 4 months. Was she not expecting to still be with him in December? M said HE may be interstate that weekend. I asked why, thinking it may be a work thing. He said HE may be as his mate is competing in his 10th & last marathon. He'd told me recently they wanted to support him if he competed in his 10th. He casually asked if I wanted to go, make it a weekend. I realised it's my son's 21st that weekend. He said 'oh what!' I'm not interested in going. Clearly his an was for HIM to go as he He'd not mentioned it to me before & said HE might be away so clearly that was his plan. I've made it clear I will not attend anything where I am an afterthought. Done enough of that this year. If I'm not important enough to be included at the start then I'm not important enough, full stop.

[Guest_1584]

Haaa cm.

And right when l'm thinking ok , she's all good, our work is done haha.

Yeahhhhh, he has a knack of that doesn't he. Funny you mention that with sis though bc yep, it seems sleeping with someone new is about the lowest thing on the scale of new these days. Must admit , they do have me a bit puzzled those two but eh, hoping for you he drags her of into the sunset in the end though anyway nonetheless .

rx