Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Thanks Quirky & rx,

I wrote down what I wanted to express. I didn't show M last night as we were havng such a lovely night I didn't want to ruin the mood. Today we all went to Mass for the anniversary of his dad's passing. When he greeted sis with a kiss it was like he hadn't seen her for a week. Same greeting I get. His aunt came to mass & his sis made a point of telling him the aunt was going back to their house for coffee. M told them we wouldn't be there as we were going to the cemetery then lunch& a movie. Lunch was lovely. At the end I thought him I wrote down what I wanted to express to his sister & asked him to read it. He said it was well written & very fair. I asked what I should do with it & if he would be comfortable speaking to her.he said yes then asked if I wanted her to go to her room whenever I went over or should he tell her to move our. I was a bit surprised & said of course not. Just need breathing space but he got up go pay, clearly uncomfortable. I felt the mood change and became uneasy in the movie. In the car I told him not to say anything cos I could see it made him uncomfortable. He got annoyed & snapped at me saying he would. I asked if he was scared of upsetting her. He was. Told him so he's more worried about her being upset than me. He said no but that his sis would get offended & go to her room when I'm there. Told him I knew that would be the reaction & if it were me I'd be open minded & look at the situation. I got upset & told him not to do it. That as always I put others' happiness 1st, that her reaction would be extreme as my requext& how I worked it is fair & reasonable. He agreed, beautifully written but knows her reaction. I pointed out that they call her boss & she is cos she controls everything. He said we need to find a solution & told him I'm the only one trying to think of one. The only other solution is I just don't go there if she us home. This is also extreme & would upset me. I wonder if this would bother him as much as 'the boss' getting upset & going to her room. I told him we'll leave it to The Universe & have positive thoughts.

[CMF]

this is what I wrote...thoughts?

When M & I reconnected I made a promise to him & myself that I'd always be open & honest. None of the bs of our past relationships. We've been talking about things as I've been feeling a little bit overwhelmed & stifled & think it's important if I can be open with you too. I don't want to create awkwardness but I want to honest. M & I have been together nearly 3 & 1/2 years & we're both blessed to have reconnected so easily & be embraced by each other's families. As you know, with all our kids & work we don't have the freedom to see each other whenever we want. We don't get to sleep over whenever we want , see each other during the week , enjoy a tv show together or cook & enjoy a meal together . Little things in a relationship we can take for granted. I feel that whenever I come over M & I never have any space or time alone to just talk & catch up., have a coffee relax etc. I love the one on one chats I have with you. I really do. We see each other as sisters & I'll always be here if you need but I feel M & I never have that face to face one on one time unless we actually go out & leave the house lol. I'd really love if I could come over & not feel like there are 3 of us in the relationship, or like I'm a guest visiting a couple.. I know you don't intentionally crowd us. I know you're sociable and don't want to appear rude if you don't sit & chat. I know you love having me over & I enjoy seeing you too, but after 3 & 1/2 years I reslised I 've never really been able to spend time with M in his home, and feel at home as a partner should. Obviously I don't expect you to leave the house or not talk if I'm there 😄 but It will be a while before M & I can be together more often & more easily, and we're ok with that, but I'm feeling a little crowded these days & hope we can have a little bit of space now & then. I was on my own for 5 years before M came back into my life, so I guess I really want to be able to be with him as a couple at times. I want M & I to keep growing as a couple, and I know you want happiness for us, just as we want the same for you xo.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm .

Well , m's gonna be nervous l think that's pretty cert . This is probably as confronting as he's ever been near to in his life being the master rug sweeper that he is ,,,, and with the boss no less.

For me in the past and with some very tricky very sticky people situation , l've been too heavy handed and it's hit the fan but admittedly some people need a brick it seems bc they just don't get it or take the hint.

Your situation here hmmm, l really hope you and m can come up with some way of tackling it. The letter l have no clue and l don't know sis but l suppose m would be the best judge of do's and don't with her and their situation.

Keep us posted eh.

rx

[CMF]

Thx rx,

Yeah. I'll hold off for now.. I felt better just getting it off chest & M reading it. I hope he realised how serious I am.

I'm going to manifest her meeting someone/ moving out. I keep focussing on her being there. Time to flip it.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Ahh cm .

l suppose it's worth a shot , l find it so mentally draining though myself l've been doing it 6mths with my situation and to no avail whatsoever so far. And l have a pretty powerful mind , things happen, but in this , nothing. Maybe you'll have more luck . l wonder if your connected to her, even if she doesn't know it or feel it , things can still be going on underneath and happen.

l'm absolutely amazed she hasn't at least caught by now on let alone feel it tbh.

rx 00

[Tess2]

Dear CMF,

i cant imagine how frustrated you Re, as I am extremely frustrated just reading your posts.

it seems to me, after a lot of reflection that the sister is not the problem, it is him. He and she are fine, but you aren’t. You need to reflect, which I am sure that you do, on how long to keep pursuing this relationship.

i think you are focussing on trivia too. That fact that they kiss hello and goodbye or goodnight is not a problem, many do and it is not sexual, just what they have done since children but in light of how you feel about her presence it has become blown up in your mind.

i also think you are putting him in a difficult position by expecting him to talk to her about the problems that you see. I think that you need to, with perhaps the three of you together?

i really feel for you and how you must be feeling, but this feels like you are keeping yourself in an unhealthy situation.

love Tess

[CMF]

Hi Tess,

You make very valid points. Yes. I probably blow up the kissing thing. However her comments don't help, just confirm she's not in a hurry to leave. Also, yes, I am putting him in a difficult position, & yes it may be up to me to talk to her. The 3 of us is a good idea, she may realise he supports me. Maybe I'll just not go there unless it's an occasion. If we can't remove her I'll remove myself. I wonder...if she met someone & moved out & they split would she feel the need to move back? I'm not sure she really wants to settle down.

rx, not sure if we connect. I'm not sure she wants to settle down. Too comfy. Also her living in that environment tells The Universe she has what she wants. If she moved into her own house she'd be showing she's single, ready to meet someone. Surely if you want to meet someone you'd rather be in your own place, not having a new guy come to a house where you live with your brother & his kids? It's a novelty at first but surely a guy who's serious about her wants to be with her in her space, not her brother's.

So if she meets a guy it'll be the 3rd one to be sleeping there in 3 years. Does M really need different guys in his home, sleeping there. She's a single woman, guys should be sleeping at her place, in private. Hopefully the next guy will be awake to the weirdness of the situation & will want to be with her, not her, her bro & his kids.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm

The kissing thing is true people do whatever they do, not my thing for sure butttt. l don't know if it'd bother me if gf was like that with a brother on it's own but if the brother was as bigger part of her life as sis is m's, it'd be icing on the cake.

Personally and this is just me but me , l'd think it's m's place to just show sis with actions no need for awkward talks, that he likes his time and space with you. if he did that sis would see it and start allowing you two some privacy here and there.

Just thoughts.

rx

[CMF]

Good point rx.

M is away this weekend so he slept over last night. I asked what his boys were doing. They were out. I k ow sis was away for the day. No idea about the night but I guess if she was home she'd be on her own. I know it's nice but I was a little happy to hear his boys were out & M with me. He's been quite affectionate, telling & showing me he lives me. Sis' name comes up now & then as it will.

Anyway, good to see she's getting out & about. I guess when I go there I should be all lovely dovey to him so she gets the hint, rather than switching off.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

You might think your situation is limited and this and that atm but a few simple nights together like that sounds like a dream to me in mine these days let me tell ya, l wish.

l get the clamping up it's a lot to ask alone but if he's helping and showing himself to , think it'll be on it's way.

rx o