Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF · ‎20-02-2017

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

CMF · ‎23-01-2022

Besides sleeping together, I'm pretty much watching him enjoy the things he should be enjoying with me,but he's enjoying them with another woman.

I'm close to calling hom & telling him I just can't do it anymore. She thinks her 15month relationship was a long time. What about my 3& 1/2 years of putting up with her?

Guest_1584 · ‎23-01-2022

Ooooo, that was an earful for sure. At least he's asked and offered to fix it somehow though even if he doesn't understand it. The thing is too that you both might not even know for sure what you are and if your gonna be happy bc there's been no real living as a couple in all this time just you two and the kids and your worlds as two. 31/2 yrs it's important to know that and live it isn't it .

Ha, get her out had to chuckle yep , that's about it isn't it. l almost feel sorry for her in a way though she's been such a huge help to him and his kids through those hard times and she's kinda l think unintentional with her crap. She does sound like she really likes you too problem is she has no bloody clue.

Very tricky one for m bc she won't understand the way he doesn't understand so he has so many things he needs to straighten out with her where would you start. Hey , your right though buying her out could be the most straight forward solution.

CMF · ‎23-01-2022

That's if she goes

Guest_1584 · ‎23-01-2022

Sorry cm , just realized you just said basically the same stuff to me over on my thread too, funny yep we think alike and yep, both stuck. l give yours a better chance than mine though tbh.

But you know what, if she goes, l was thinking about that. It could be a way for m to sort of say it all but without even saying too much or offending her or seeming ungrateful. He could approach her about needing to buy her out, well if that was possible first of all, but add too that because you guys have been together 31/2 yrs now and you want to start life together as a couple, or something like that. l mean that's perfectly understandable isn't it, even sis could get that.

Just thoughts.

rx

CMF · ‎24-01-2022

Hi rx

I might have a better chance but I have no fight left. He said when she's around h sees me change. I shrink, my body language changes & my unhappiness is written all over my face. So he does see it & just carries on like normal, says/does nothing. He's ok seeing me suffering. If he buys her out she may not leave as she's too comfy. He probably wouldn't have the b____ to ask her to as he feels he's kicking her out. He may need to make a decision. Her or us? I can't continue to watch my partner be a family with another woman, regardless of who it is. If he can't see that, that he's happy got all he wants, and I'm not, then it's time to move on. He can't have his cake & eat it too. His boys are adults now, she doesn't need to mother them. If they need each other go fill the voids on their lives, then they can have each other. If they can't be alone in their own houses, then I'm out. I'm really close to telling him. Sick of him sweeping under the carpet, telling me to focus on other things, telling me it won't be long, asking me what's the solution, taking no responsibility & putting it on me. I've told him so many times. I'm suffocating. It's such a big blow to our relationship. I said I'd wait till October last year, then I said early this year. I can't keep having my feelings pushed aside. I feel like telling him now that I'm sorry, can't do this anymore.

Cmf x

Guest_1584 · ‎24-01-2022

Ah cm , was hoping the wkend rolled around you two have a nice day and it all lifts the spirits again for ya , as it usually does. l know though it's running too deep now , so sorry about that.

Well at least he can actually see it and even acknowledges it that's big for m. But yeah sadly that's all been very obvious for yrs even here anyway. He could've still done a lot of things all this time though without even needing to front her. He could've been involving you and you two as a couple into his world there properly and making it known just by actions that you two are his priority all this time. Showing his focus and attention, his time, is on you now. l mean she'd see that and take the hint if he put it across and it's only natural anyway. When one becomes a couple they drift off eventuality into their new world and life becomes them that's how it goes. The others are still part of their life but the priority is ea other.

That's what she's needed to see for yrs now.

CMF · ‎25-01-2022

Thx rx,

He does involve me & us as a couple but she is so dominant. I realised this is the issue. No matter how nice a person she is, her personality irritates me. She's still posting on social media about having Covid. WE KNOW. Ok, she's training, it's hard pist Covid but she makes it sound like she was on her death bed. I reckon her ex was like me in some ways ie had to watch his money/spending & seeing her post everything she does ; buys can be depressing when you don't have that. It annoys me for sure. M & I agree any man would find her overpowering over time. The height, the money, the car, the soci media. She needs someone like her.

On another note as these holidays were stuffed I'm asking for time off over Easter & suggested to M we could do something. Sis actually suggested it last week too. I know she wants happiness for us, it's the overbearing personality in my face ALL THE TIME. I'm having another reading this week. Last one was pretty spot on, can't wait to see what this one shows.

I fell down the rabbit hole, need to claw my way out. M asks what the solution is,maybe he needs to make it clear that we want time without her around, like she used to her. It is his house too. They call her 'the boss'. I told him yes, you just let her take over everything. Guess other option is I just stop going there again. He can come to me. This is why summer is hard, cos he has the pool. I'd love to pop over for a coffee tonight but I won't cos of her.

Cmf x

Guest_1584 · ‎25-01-2022

Yeah sounds like he is doing more these days, she needs it, poor you. Great about some holidays , so envy , more you two time would really help so much too wouldn't it, until someone moves haha. But yeah l'm sure she would want happiness for you two too.

CMF · ‎26-01-2022

Ask & you shall receive. Went to M' for a swim today with little miss. Was feeling anxious about sis being there. No one there but M. We say, talked, swam, relaxed. K expected her home at anytime to ruin it but didn't happen. When we left I thanked M for a beautiful day. He agreed relaxing, I said perfect. I later saw on FB she's gone away a few days. I had forgotten. M didn't mention it. Either he thought I remembered or he remembered he said he wouldn't talk about her so much cos it annoys crap out of me.

Guest_1584 · ‎26-01-2022

Haaaa, beautiful, just what you needed. But what a shame he didn't tell you, you would've relaxed and who knows what else. At any rate though, really nice to hear.

rx