Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[Guest_1584]

hiya cm , merry christmas hey , even if your not feeling it.

don't be too hard on yourself personally l'm not surprised your annoyed, those two almost sound in love.

just wondering , ever talked to him about the sitch and how it's all effecting things, how do ya think he'd take that. maybe he just doesn't realize. yaknow , we can go on doing things unintentionally because they just escape us and we just don't realize. sometimes a bit of a nudge and reminder we think shyt sorry l didn't even know l was doing that,

just a thought . all the best. rx

[CMF]

Hey RX,

Merry xmas to you also. Yes i have mentioned it, he was surprised but nothing changed. I agree, they do sound in love. I decided to go over for a coffee this arvo with my girls. His sis was out - hooray. I even got little miss to sit outside with the big kids so i could at least be alone with him in the kitchen. He was just about to sit down and guess who turned up - his sis. She came in, sat where he was gonna sit, he made her coffee, took about food and that was that. They started talking about her shopping today, the runners he wants (i know nothing about them), relos that dropped in to visit last night and all of a sudden i don't exist. He is taking his boys to a movie tonight. He asked his sis if she wanted to go, her bf, my daughter then me but of course i have little miss so can't. His sis said she'll see if her bf wants to go. Don't think she did but gain it would have been a night out for all of them. i ended up getting up and coming home, older daughter stayed for a bit. M said we can get together for fish and chips tomorrow night which sounds good. i made a half sarcastic comment that i can't even get 5 mins with him, he said yep not even 3 mins. He said he'd give me some time on 'Sunday, i replied sarcastically 'do you think so'. He dropped of my daughter on their way to the movie, he could see i was upset as he asked if i was ok and i just shrugged him off, my face would have said it all. Anyway he kissed me and told me to rest, told him I've been resting all day. I'm worried if i speak up I'm really gonna let loose . As much as i love her, and she is wonderful, i am sick of his sis being there all the time. As soon as she walks in the conversation changes to them 2 talking about their stuff 'we' this, 'we' that. What if M and i were in the middle of an important conversation? it would have interrupted and over. He knew i had anxiety and headache last night and didn't even ask how i was feeling. He is so generous and giving to me and my family but lately our relationship is giving me anxiety and i feel like ending it. i can't deal with the way him and his sis are, like a married couple, just not sleeping together. It will only get harder as he is studying net year, she will be there for everything for him and i will be more on the outer. He will be busier and won't need me at all cos he has his sis there.

[CMF]

so i said something. He has gone to movies with his sons but messaged me and asked what was going on and why i was so sad. So at least he noticed. I told him, told him why i came home today. that every time his sis walks in the conversation turns to them. Told him i feel like a third wheel. Told him i know he is busy but when do i count? Told him i always hear 'we, we,we' but that 'we' is not him and me. I told him how much that hurts me.

I'm glad i got it out, cos i've been feeling like crap. i had to tell him, i am willing to risk my relationship cos if he really loves me he will care and want to fix it somehow. Last time i told him he was surprised and i pointed out if i don't tell him he wont know and he agreed. It is ridiculous. i find things out through the conversations i hear them having, Little things matter to me. He showers me with beautiful gifts, takes me our for beautiful lunches on Sundays but i need more. i need conversation, quality time. I want to feel close to him and i don't cos i hear everything second hand. When she got home today she gave me a kiss on the cheek and him but it was like they were in love, it is weird to me. I know they are close and love each other but it's getting creepy.

He's in a movie now, guess i have to wait. Again. who knows, i may be single in the new year.

[quirkywords]

CMF

i am glad you told M about how you feel.

i don’t think you will be single in new year , I think M will be upset he is unaware of how you felt,

Quirky

[CMF]

I'm so upset and frustrated. I don't want to go there when his sis is there anymore cos the same thing will keep happening. I'm starting to wish we didn't reconnect cos I promised myself I wouldn't let myself feel like this again. I feel like yelling. I need to tell him how I feel, not text him. I want to give him a rundown of what happened today so he can see how it was for me. I eant to brrakdown in front if him so he sees how m uch it hurts me. I can't do it anymore. I'm do worked up that I want to run away. It hurts so much cos I know he loves me and I him.when I saw him today I felt heartbroken cos I wanted just 5 mins but then she came home. I almost cried when I heard her car in the driveway. I don't know what to do. He loves that I'm a stronger woman now, well we will see now if he loves me if I speak out, if I even get the chance to. It might be overlooked again. Maybe we're not right for each other after all? I don't want to be around them at the moment. It's all making me sick.

[Guest_1584]

l'm glad you said all that , it has to be said and said again too if needed until he understands it properly , l mean there's no choice.

But cm don't sell yourself short asking for 5mins , your a couple , you should have days, hours, nights , privacy . l know it's all hard with kids but the whole sis thing well. l wonder what her bf thinks about it , must get on his nerves too.

Anyway, he loves ya and l dare say he'll get the message sooner or later and figure out what to do hopefully . l only say figure it out in the way that because he won't wanna upset sis or seem ungrateful.

But you should be priority and you should have a proper thing and time with him , thata's waht couples do right , that's what it's all about. l'm really hoping , l think he''ll try to do soemthing about it once he gets the message properly and figures it out.

Hang in there . rx

[CMF]

Hey rx,

Thx so much. I went to bed hours ago and I'm still lying here awake. Don't know what to expect tomorrow. Her bf doesn't care. They've been together 11 years, his mates come first. They hardly go put to together, he spends may be 1 night at Ma's house, she doesn't stay at his place anymore since moving in with M. M used to talk a lot about us living together. I asked once what time frame he had in mind cos it was full on. He said 12 months. That was earlier this year. He doesn't mention it anymore , now that his sis has settled into their house and lives. I'm slowly extracting myself. I don't have Sunday morning pancakes anymore
I don't enjoy them but also cos I started to see the 'happy family ' thing happening. I've told him this. In fact, I go there later and leave earlier cos I don't want to be around them together. I don't stay as long on Sunday arvo cos there's no privacy if she comes home. He once got off the phone with me cos they had to watch a show together. They are totally wrapped up in each other.i wonder what they were like when he was married? Jis sis lived around the corner. How can i go away with them feeling like this ? If I don't go, what message am I sending?

[quirkywords]

CMF

I am so sorry you are feeling overlooked, frustrated and sick.

I have a friend who felt left out but she was the sister. She only saw her brother a few times a year, and she felt she could never get him alone with out his wife being there. So the opposite to your situation and I know it is different.

I think with relationships there needs to be a balance. Of course it is good that M has a close relationship with his sister but not so much that it affects his relationship with you.

Since his sister has been living in same house, has that made it harder for you or was she living there when you started your relationship?

Has M commented on what you texted or said to him? You need to talk to him alone, face to face so he knows how this is upsetting you.

I hope your day gets better. Is there something you can do that will make you feel better?

Quirky

[CMF]

Hi Quirky,

I'd love to speak to him face to face. i have other things on my mind (nothing to do with us) that i want to talk to him about not in front of her. She moved in just after we re connected so we had a month or so without her there. It has only started bothering me since i've seen her planning overseas trips that i don't know about and wanting to do things around the house that m is not sure about. the last month has been busy for him, which i understand so any alone time is valuable. I don' have anyone to talk to at home like they have each other. So when i see him and i need someone to talk to it is very annoying when she walks in and takes over, changing the conversation to her or her and him. She has taken over the whole household and it appears his life also. He replied to my message with 'sorry' but he was then in a movie and i went to bed so we haven't spoken yet as he is out on a long ride today. He mentioned us all having fish and chips together tonight, we will see if he still wants to. I feel a bit better. i still have not managed to exchange my bracelet as no one has stock, i think that is triggering me too. i have managed to tidy the house a bit which helps. i will tell him. he values andopen and honest relationship and he has said we will have ups and downs. I need to point out that if he has a friend visit, she doesn't walk in and take over and if her bf is there m doesn't walk in and take over the conversation and change the topic to him.

oh well 😞

[CMF]

We are going over for fish and chips. I'm getting anxiety and massive headache. Nothing said since the message last night.