Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth (with a wave to Pamela, Karen and Quirky)~

Thanks for asking, the time away has helped, my wife says my sense of humor is returning which is a good sign (though now she has to put up with my silly jokes:)

As for feeling you have not had anything 'terrible' to contend with. Um...

There is a tendency for many of us to discount our own suffering as part of normal life but at the same time regard the trials of others quite differently. PTSD, a disabled partner, spinal problems and all the rest are pretty major don't you think? You do belong here you know.

You help in other threads too.

As for the air conditioner, I've a feeling your current setup is a false economy. True one can keep on going as is and spend one's life reacting to the elements, however quality of life is worth a lot, even in monetary terms.

I do confess I regarded an a/c in the bedroom a luxury for umpteen years, particularly as my partner would gain no benefit most of the time. Having had one for a year or so I can say it has been a life changer.

Pamela: Ta for the greeting and good thoughts, I hope you are coping ok too.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix & Karen,

I'm glad you are feeling better & I look forward to your warped sense of humour. Our family have a very warped sense of humour. It is much cooler today & yesterday. Even had to put a jumper on tonight!! Tomorrow I hope to finish a big project I've been doing. It turned out larger & harder than expected & the hot weather made it worse so I really need a break. I need to find a way to relax without having my brain going full time reminding me of all i should be doing. There is a lot of chores which have been put off while I've been busy but I need to avoid worrying about them till I've recovered.

[Elizabeth CP]

I have been away. Unfortunately the trip wasn't relaxing & came on top of a very busy stressful period. I'm unsure if I can explain properly what has been happening & how I've been feeling.

Positives are that I finished a project (fitting a floating floor in my kitchen after painting it & an unsatisfactory attempt to sand & polish the floorboards.

The trip was to fulfil our dream of hiking in the alpine area. We both used to enjoy this but it is now much harder now my husband is blind. We succeeded in completing the 22 km hike on a lovely day & both enjoyed the scenery or in my husbands case the sense of the surroundings.

The negatives. I was already tired which made preparing stressful. I ended up taking some shortcuts with prep & we left later than planned. This was not ideal but the only way I could cope.

I found it really hard to relax. One walk we did proved too challenging so I was on edge having to slow my pace to suit my husband & worrying about how far to push while not wanting to have my husband collapse on me. The scenery reminded me of what I was missing. I really miss being able to walk & explore as equals rather than missing part of the walk & having to turn around constantly to check on my husband & assist when required. I feel as though there is a huge responsibility to provide my husband opportunities to walk as he wants but knowing if anything goes wrong it will be my fault for going too far or not planning adaquately. The constant monitoring & having to decide when to push on & when to rest , drink or eat. Because of his digestive/ swallowing issues food & drink have to be carefully managed.

After hiking during the day I would be tired physically & mentally in the evenings but needed to set up camp, prepare food etc. Even though I chose simple meals & tried to set things up as simply as possible I found I was very uptight & couldn't relax. I tried to read before sleeping but this wasn't enough to calm me down.

We walked through some areas previously burnt in bushfires. I coped the first day but noticed anxiety levels increasing each time we saw further burnt areas even though the fires were years ago & there was no immediate fire threat.

I am home now & still trying to find time to relax & struggling to know how.

[Ggrand]

Hello Elizabeth,

Im sorry that your trip wasn't very relaxing, I hope now your home you can do a bit of mindfulness and start relaxing,

Your first walk sounds amazing, wow 22 kilometres, sounds like you had a nice time looking at the scenery as you walked..I think imo 22 kilometre walk would make anyone tired and possibly stressful.

The other walks sounds like you had your husbands welfare well on your mind which would have been so worrying for you, plus it was a was harder walk, and I would imagine that in itself would have caused you a lot of stress and anxiety, let alone exhaustion from mental and physical activities.

I read somewhere, that when revisit a passion of long years passed, it just hasn't got the same excitement, joy or feeling about it, like the first time around..I'm not sure on tThat, just something I read somewhere,

After hiking, then having to prepare meals, get the beds, tents, etc ready, hat would make you so busy that you found it hard to reflect on the beauty you saw on your walks.

It must have frightened you a little walking through the burnt out areas of the bush. I hope I don't trigger you, I just love the look of the burnt area with the lush greenery of new growth.

Now your home take time to rest and slowly get back into your routine, slowly, there is no hurry, Maybe, get out some puzzles, games, mindfulness music, meditation, reflect on the good parts of your trip, to start to relax..

Welcome back Elizabeth,

Kindness only,

Karen.xoxo

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Well I read your account - welcome back. It does give a very clear picture of your trip, the only thing that leaves me puzzled is why on earth you would even mention relaxing and the trip in the same sentence. It was an exercise in logistics, exertion and responsibility. True you are eminently capable of organization and seeing things through. It does however come at a real cost, the majority of which you personally seem to be paying.

As you rightly observed it is no longer a case of walk & explore as equals. Another thing that worries me is that normally you are self-motivated (far too much but there it is). This time you seem to have the additional burden of being called to account if things go wrong. You did say it will be my fault for going too far or not planning adaquately - would this be your husband's view or have I misinterpreted?

Hopefully now you are home you will resit the impulse to concrete the driveway, re-roof the house or whatever necessary task you had in mind and just try to veg. Maybe have a stab at reading again? You know all this, I'm just reminding you:)

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Croix how did you know about the driveway. I thought you weren't supposed to know anything I haven't said on the forums!!!! I don't need to reroof the house but my pergola needs reroofing after the laserlight was damaged in a recent hailstorm & my shed needs reroofing. My son suggested he help me with the pergola, On Friday after arriving home a contractor knocked on the door to discuss my driveway. He is replacing the damaged pavement in front of my drive but pointed out that my drive needs doing at the same time as it is badly cracked. On Sunday my son suggested I cancel the guy doing it & do it myself to save money. He would help a bit. This created some conflict in my mind. I felt overwhelmed at the thought of doing the drive but not doing it seemed lazy. You'll be glad to know I am NOT doing the drive.

I'm trying to relax this week including reading but finding it hard to do. There is still so many things needing doing.

it will be my fault for going too far or not planning adequately. This is my opinion. This is reinforced by my children saying things like 'Don't overdo it Don't hurt Dad!! When my husband is struggling he will complain I'm going too fast or he's too tired needs a break or I;m helping enough but sometimes we'll get to the top & he's really happy so it is hard to know how much to push

I need to find a way to relax while on that type of trip so I can enjoy it more & cope better

Karen Thank you for your words

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

It was obvious to any thoughtful person you would think the driveway needed doing:)

On your other point:

I need to find a way to relax while on that type of trip so I can enjoy it more & cope better

Well, perhaps having a 3rd person there helping?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

I saw my psych today. My anxiety levels have been escalating. Tiredness combined with constant stress as I try to keep up with everything I feel I need to do are contributing factors but then this anxiety then stops me from getting the rest or relaxation I need to keep going effectively. This week I have chosen not to do any projects but have found it difficult to relax. I feel as though I'm failing. My psych has challenged me to not start any projects for at least 2 weeks to give me time to recover. It sounds silly but the idea is really confronting. What do I do for 2 weeks that will help me feel better if I can't do anything constructive !!!!

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

What do I do for 2 weeks that will help me feel better if I can't do anything constructive !!!!

I think one thing that is easy to forget is the effect of practice. It may be difficult to endure enforced inactivity for long (read 2 weeks) periods of time, however if necessary break it up into smaller chunks each getting progressively longer. The mind may well adapt

Mind you I'd council against it becoming too effective, otherwise you may enjoy it too much and never get all those highly necessary tasks done

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, I have been trying to read a bit but can't focus for too long. I feel like I need to be using my time more effectively. I have trimmed the hedge which looks much better. That doesn't count as a project as it is a short routine activity!! Last night I tidied the study which was overdue. I also pulled down a section of the shed ceiling. I decided to see if I could do it easily which I did. It was falling down & really annoying me as it made it too hard to access & put away tools. Maybe next week I can check that the rest of the ceiling is secure enough & then spend short amounts of time tidying up. Maybe that can be a chance to see if I can break things up into small tasks & work with my body rather than pushing too hard. I am sleeping a bit better at the moment The cooler nights & reduced pressure are helping.

There is no way I could manage 2 weeks without doing something constructive. I would go insane. There is one big project I really want finished I am dreading it so I need to get it over & done with but I'm afraid that while doing it I will be really under pressure so I am trying to delay it for the 2 weeks. I know it sounds stupid to others but it has become such a strong part of my way of life Constantly pushing to finish things & then jumping into the next project.