Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

It comes as a real surprise you have exhausted yourself:)

I think I remember you had done some photography. Now I've no idea what sort of environment you live in, and bearing in mind you are not able to walk far why not see which animals - domestic or wild - you can take characteristic images of?

Engrossing and something to look back on. Even if all you have to look at is an neighbour's most unlovely dog capturing it in print might be fun

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks for your suggestion. Yes it is a surprise that I exhausted myself. Certainly not my normal behaviour!!!! I'm not an animal person so I'll skip the animal photos but perhaps looking for interesting plants or something.

I hadn't realised how much some of my behaviours & feelings stem from my upbringing. My session yesterday with the psych was very emotional as I remembered some things from that time which were quite upsetting & are obviously still influencing me. My problem is working out what things are really helping me & what am I doing just as a reaction to previous events & are unhelpful.

[Elizabeth CP]

Just an update. I needed to finish the floor today as it was too late to do the last coat of varnish last night.

I decided to sleep in & just get up when I woke rather than pushing myself to finish sooner. This meant we didn't leave home until close to lunch time. For a change I didn't attempt to pack a picnic lunch thus reducing the pressure. At the moment my house is a disaster zone making even simple tasks harder than normal.

I decided not to take my camera but my interpretation of Croix's suggestion was to slow down & concentrate on something pleasurable to keep my mind off negative feelings. Using this principal I went to a lovely park in the Dandenongs. Not too far & lots of shady trees so cooler & pleasant to explore. We walked down the steps to the lake stopping on the way to look at some plants & point out interesting shapes or textures to my husband (he is blind) At the lake rather than trying to explore as much as possible I sat on a seat in the shade & spent time trying to focus on what I could see & feel including the leaves ovehanging the path gently brushing against my legs. I watched the reflections i the water noticing the more intense colours of the reflection compared to the original trees. We didn't spend a long time & I certainly didn't break any records for my walking but it was a nice break. Tomorrow I will visit my daughter & grandkids. Friday I will start putting everything back in my kitchen & getting my house back in order. My aim for these two days is to get a break so I can be effective on Friday. I am trying to focus on that goal to stop myself worrying about living in a mess

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

to slow down & concentrate on something pleasurable to keep my mind off negative feelings

Well, your account was almost poetic and showed a great deal of restraint - and sense if I might say so. Hopefully a technique you will resort to again. I've found it amazing how this sort of behavior really tones down my anxiety.

Knowing what is helpful and what is a reaction would be very hard, hopefully your psych will have some insight.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Croix I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier. I appreciate your encouraging comments. I debate whether I should give up on the forums. I'm unsure if it helps or keeps me dwelling in my problems. I seem to be unable to move forward as I seem to be stuck in the same vicious circle doing the same things with the same result. Attempts to change or do something positive seem to fail & I fall back on the same unhelpful reactions. constant tiredness is really affecting me. Everything takes longer & I need more breaks & then struggle to motivate myself to get back to things I need to do. Then I am too worked up to sleep spending hours worrying about what I need to do so I wake up exhausted.

I'm not good with pressure. I react badly when people try to pressure me. Recently I attempted to remove the kitchen floor tiles & the varnished the floor to match the adjoining living area. The tiles were cracked so needed removing. My husband insisted this task was done before anything else in the kitchen but turned out even harder & longer than I expected leaving me sore & exhausted & overwhelmed so sleep was worse than normal. My body is feeling better but tiredness & difficulty sleeping is still a major issue. I'm not happy with the results which is affecting me causing feelings of failure & incompetence. This week I suggested going away camping & hiking to have a break. Unfortunately it has taken too long getting the house back in order.Living in a mess triggers depression & anxiety. This has been a long time issue. Summer also triggers PTSD symptoms particularly hot or high fire danger days.

My husband was excited about the plans to go away & I was doing it for his benefit. The problem came with him suggesting leaving early & each time we spoke he wanted to get started earlier & earlier in the days we were walking. This lefty me feeling pressured & unable to cope with thoughts or getting ready on time. Last ight I decided I couldn't cope & attempts to explain the problem to my husband left me feeling guilty & a falure as I can't get him to understand the impact of his expectations. I feel annoyed that he can just expect me to fit in with him while he can just sit back & relax while I do everything. This makes me feel worse as it isn't his fault that he can't help much. Last night I was awake most of the night as my mind wouldn't shut up. Why can't I just relax & do things without worrying about possible conseuences. I seem to be making things worse.

[Guest_1055]

Oh Elizabeth you sound stressed and perhaps being too hard on yourself. Please don't whip yourself. Please don't.

Are you able to think of anything that normally helps you physically feel calm and at rest? Your insides seemed to be in such a quick rush. Maybe ditch any refined sugars if you have been eating any. Imagine you are on that beautiful grassy mountain in Switzerland, just simply enjoying the invigorating fresh breezes you feel on your face. Or just go to that lake you sometimes go to and float on your back.

Maybe your body is really trying to get your attention by saying it needs to find some rest or something.

Many hugs

shell

[Elizabeth CP]

I think my reply got lost after my internet dropped out. Fatigue is playing havoc with me. Tried sleeping tablets for 2 nights which have helped. Trouble is they are are only short term fix.

[Elizabeth CP]

I continue to struggle to find a balance doing work round the house etc so I feel like I'm being successful/useful & relaxing. Fatigue is an issue & attempts to get my sleeping on track seem to have limited success.

A huge issue is the heat. I have noticed that I avoid going out when it is hot & because I close the blinds to keep the heat out it is dark & dreary. This darkness & staying inside leads to more depression & difficulty motivating myself to do anything interesting & trouble sleeping.I feel trapped. I don't know if others feel this way. I am trying to find some things to do over the next couple of days while it is hot. Today I did a walk on the way home from an appointment for my husband before it got too hot. This evening we swam in a nearby lake. I felt better. Hopefully I can find something tomorrow which works for me.

[Ggrand]

Hello Elizabeth,

I just found your thread. Is it ok if I come and try to support you as well as the wonderful people you have supporting you.

I can relate to you not coping with the heat, I'm exactly the same, I shut blinds doors etc, but I read somewhere that we need at least 15 minutes of sunlight per day, which does something to our chemicals which helps us for sleeping.

Elizabeth, have you tried internet jigsaw puzzles, Alphabetty, scrabble, solitaire on your phone or ipad. I do these when I'm not to sad or in to deep, because they are mind changing games, you need to have your mind completely on these games to play. The brain can only think one thought at a time, so when playing these games your mind is totally involved in the game. Just a thought.

The swim in the lake sounds really refreshing, I'm pleased you felt better after the swim. I haven't had a swim in so long, I might have forgotten how to swim.

Sleeping for me is hard at the moment, I usually meditate first, then put on soft music with luck I fall asleep during the music. There are a few apps for meditation, I use mostly, insight timer, I like it and the music switches itself when finished.

Kindness only.

Karen

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Karen. I don't do games on my phone. I find the screen too small & I don't have an Ipad, Should try suduko on paper. I found some meditation & relaxation techniques used to work but lately they make me more anxious because they don't work when trying to sleep. I really appreciate you caring