Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, Your idea of the post phone plan sounded good but then I tried to think of what I could do & how it would work & became stuck. On the day it was sunny & my husband wanted to weed the garden so I'd planned to help him. After the call I was so upset I couldn't be near anyone including my husband as I was so angry I couldn't trust myself. I don't know what I could do in the future to be better I know that sounds like I'm being negative & giving up but I really don't know how to change effectively.

I think being so busy with little time to have a break at the moment is making things worse.

[Elizabeth CP]

I have been away for 5 days so unable to post. I've attempted posting lately but seem to loose the posts & then give up. I suspect my internet is the culprit but then I can't be bothered retrying!!!
I thought once my husband recovered after his illness in April/ may things would improve but I have felt very overwhelmed. Dealing with the NDIS has taken huge amounts of time & now we have it in place we have so many appointments to attend. Even though many of these are beneficial (eg the new physio is really good ) they all take time and then further follow up (eg now need to supervise the new exercise routine & try to fit it into our schedule) I had my sisters visit which while nice to see her it was very stressful fitting in with everyone's competing demands. My daughter had a new baby 6 weeks ago & has needed my help a few times including babysitting the new baby while she took her oldest son to hospital for tests. I'm not good with babies so I found that challenging.
My husband has really struggled this winter showing further progression of his disease particularly when cold. He wanted to go away so we chose somewhere warmer than home & while most of it was good with some nice walks & chance to explore new areas I arrived home exhausted from all the planning, driving, packing, unpacking etc. I did try to take some time to rest but obviously not enough, Today I burst into tears at church when someone asked how the trip was. My husband wants to go away next week but I'm currently feeling overwhelmed by all the appointments this week & other things I need to arrange eg car repair.
I need holidays to look forward to but when they are jammed together with so much else it feels like work. I don't like to complain about it to my husband because I don't want him feeling bad because its not his fault that he is so reliant on me. I feel like I'm failing him.

Sorry not sure if this makes sense

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I'm please you have sorted the NDIS, a major triumph.

You sound very pressured, and your whole post is taken up with arrangements for you husband. I quite believe you when you say they are beneficial, and it is obvious you do a huge amount. When not doing that you are trying for others, in this case babysitting.

To break down crying is no surprise, the demands you make on yourself are pretty total. I may have mentioned this before but will repeat it any way (walruses have limited mental processes:) I think you are wrong to protect your husband from the plain truth that his condition affects both of you deeply. As an adult, even in such trying circumstances the possibility of lending support may well be a source of satisfaction and pride. And to do that he does need to know how you really are.

A few times in my life, including my first partner's long illness and final passing, another time when an offspring was overwhelmed with grief, and other times too I've been helpless to affect circumstances, and felt powerless and frustrated at the time, but now know how much my efforts meant. I am grateful to have had those opportunities.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, You are right I do feel pressured so even things which i normally enjoy feels like extr pressure. My husband realises that I struggle at times & wants to help but I don't like to rub his nose in it. It is hard enough for him. The other issue is he has a habit of trying to fit in with what he thinks I need or want. This is fine sometimes but means he will not tell me what he needs if he thinks I'm under stress which I don't think is fair for him. I need to find a happy medium where I tell him how I feel without rubbing it in or making life harder for him. Today was busy with appointments with health professionals for my husband leaving little time to relax.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Dealing with my late wife's needs did make it harder for me, no doubt about it. As a responsible adult I would expect it to, and one way to show care is to shoulder some of the harder parts. So while I understand exactly what you are saying, and in a short term situation might even think it was the right way to go, in a permanent situation like this load sharing is essential.

You are as worthy of beng looked after as anyone and have limits

I'm delighted you say your husband wants to help you, even if he gets it wrong sometimes. Maybe you need to be more honest about your needs so his efforts are not off-target?

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix. I will try to put your ideas into practice.. I appreciate your thoughtful replies. They help me feel like someone cares & is trying to understand.

Today I need to put things on hold. Yesterday was ridiculously busy even if productive. This morning was worse. I had to get the car brakes fixed. By the time I got home I had 30min to get breakfast before walking back to pick it up Then dropped the car home before walking to the dentist. I didn't drive as I needed anti anxiety tablet to cope so didn't think I'd be safe driving home. 2 hours in the dentist chair was very difficult. I ended up with a panic attack when the used a burner to heat up the filling material to fill the roots. They stopped to give me a break but I just wanted to be finished. Evan now I keep thinking I can smell something burning but I'm sure it is my imagination. I need to take time off to recover as I'm still very uptight. I was supposed to finish with the dentist today but it took longer than planned so they only put a temporary filling on the tooth

[Croix]

Actually Dear Elizabeth I though you might go crook or be impatient. Horses are miss-named, it is walruses who are the true nags.

Reading of your adventure at the dentist I think you did exceptionally well. Just the dentist alone is a trying experience, add to it burning up close . After your panic attack you persevered to the extent of a temporary filling - pretty impressive self control.

So take time to recover, that's a legitimate need.

Can you invest in some très tasteful popularly-priced pungent perfume to mask any real or imagined smells? If you select wisely you won't be able to think of anything else. It may end up a case of your dentist's eyes watering instead of his patient's.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

I might try putting on some drops of lavender oil before bed. It is supposed to be relaxing & hopefully will block out other smells. Just need to keep away from my husband. He doesn't like lavender!!! Pity he didn't tell mew until we were already married as I love lavender. I'm debating whether to take some meds to help me sleep but I have to get up early to get my husband to the station so don't want to be still affected.

Tomorrow once I drop off my husband I have a day to myself except for a psych appointment. I will try to take time to relax & recover. Mind you that will be a challenge.

[Ggrand]

Hello Elizabeth,

Im just checking in to see how your feeling after your dentist visit...

Grandy.....

[Elizabeth CP]

Im OK but feel a bit tired and unmotivated