❤ broken

[Heartbroken_mum]

I dont know where to start, how i feel, what to do or who to talk to. I have just found out my oldest son is in jail in a different state and has been for 7 weeks. I dont know much about the charges but do know he wont be out in September. He was a beautiful boy with a big heart but unfortunately has always felt he's needed to prove something and chosen the wrong people to trust. I knew things were bad 7 weeks ago when he thought this was going to happen and he said he'd rather die than go to jail. So i did sort of know the inevitable had happened but didn't want the details for self preservation. Found out 2 days ago that he is actually in jail and where. And i cant do anything for him, i dont know what to do even if i could visit him i would just breakdown seeing him and knowing i couldnt take him home and fix everything for him. I probably should start with a letter but i dont know what to say other than i love him. If i can stop crying

[Sophie_M]

Dear Heartbroken_mum,

You have just demonstrated how much strength and love you have for your son by writing this post. We are grateful that you chose our community to help you start the process of figuring out what to do.

We understand that your son has, most unfortunately, made some choices which you would have never made, and this is quite distressing. And, because you knew he was extremely passionate in not wanting to go to jail, you weren't even sure if he was alive.

We believe that your plan to write your son a simple letter telling him how much you love him is a wonderful idea. This will let him know that his mum is still there for him, and will be there after he has paid his debt to society. Knowing that he still has his mum's love should give him some of that strength he needs to survive the process of paying his debt.

We would like to encourage you to talk to your GP about the possibility of getting a mental health plan so you can get some sessions with a mental health professional who can help you navigate these difficult times for you.

We would also like to encourage you to call our wonderful mental health professionals on the BeyondBlue Support Service line at 1300 22 4636 who can help you through the quick points of distress when you are feeling overwhelmed and don't know which way to turn. They are available all day and night, every day of the year.

Thanks again for joining our wonderful and supportive community. Please feel free to post whenever you wish. We are always here for you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Petal22]

Hi HeartBroken Mum,

Im so sorry to hear that your son is in jail I understand this would be distressing for you.

I understand that sometimes our children can make poor choices in their lives and then as a result they can end up on the wrong side of the law and in jail.

Depending on your sons level of security he could either be in a low security jail or a high security jail.

If he is in low security he could be at a prison farm at these jails they are usually given a job to do within the jail and have some sort of routine.

I think writing a letter to your son is a great idea Im sure he would love to hear from you.

Sometimes when someone is in jail they are aloud to call people outside the jail as long as this person has consented to receiving the calls.

I understand it can feel distressing but sometimes when someone goes to jail they come out with renewed mindsets.

Im here if you have any questions 

[Heartbroken_mum]

Thankyou Sophie, I'm having a hard time trying to get to these messages, i'll have to read the instructions when i get a chance. I appreciate your advice and other support information/information is power!. My head is all over the shop at the moment, and don't know who to talk to so this is my go to for now.

[Heartbroken_mum]

Hi Petal, thankyou for your response and advice. I do know that he is in a maximum security jail and i don't think the charges have gone to court yet. This is going to be a process for me but i feel i've started in the right place, i've gone from denial to making a start on dealing with this. I just want to wrap him up and bring him home but I cant so I have to write him something with my details to get in touch. I'm scared to know any details but know i have to in order to be there for him. Next step is to get that letter sent 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Heartbroken_mum...

I really am so deeply sorry that your son is in jail....my heart goes out to you...

Sometimes good people make bad decisions...could be peer pressure and he went against his principles to feel accepted by the wrong friendships....

I think writing a letter to him, would be a nice idea....letting him know how much you love and care for him....that you do forgive his wrong choices and that your love for him is unconditional and you will alway be their for him.....

It would be so difficult to visit him, and try to hold yourself together...your beautiful son is probably so scared and feeling alone right now....maybe by him seeing you, he might be upset and cry along with you...that’s okay sweet Heartbroken_mum....I think it might give him some sense of peace knowing that you will always be the loving and caring mum you always have been....and knowing that you are their for him...

Please lovely Heartbroken_mum....cry if you need to, but also be gentle and kind to yourself...as our lovely Sophie has suggested a visit to your Dr....and explaining to him/her how much your mental health is struggling with what’s happening in your life....Your Dr. could set you up a mental health Care Plan...to help you manage this a little better...remember dear Heartbroken_mum....that you need to look after yourself the best you can...

We are all here for you..if you feel like talking here...please do so...

My kindest thoughts with my care....and if it’s okay a warm, gentle caring hug..

Grandy...

[Fiatlux]

Hi Heartbroken_mum,

I have read your post several times and I must admit bought a tear to my eye too.

There are wonderful people here who are supportive and offer great advice and comfort.

I understand that you have anxiety about your son’s incarceration and the reasons for it. No mother ever wants to face something like this.

I understand that you have only just found out about your son’s circumstances. Maybe try to find out who is his legal representative and with your son’s permission, the legal rep could provide you with the details regarding the Charges. Legal reps can be great in preparing you for the possible outcome. I am assuming that it’s a criminal law case?

Keep your hopes up however. Your son has good prospects and will need your support to get through this and at the other side of it all. 

Good luck and keep in touch here. 

[Heartbroken_mum]

thankyou for your beautiful words Grandy, much ❤. I called the prison again today and found out how to send money so sent that and a letter.. well a note really, with my contact details telling him i love him to the moon and back. Hopefully the next letter is easier, i feel like ive been crying all week but today im happy that ive made that first step and done something. 

Thankyou  🌻

[Heartbroken_mum]

thankyou Fiatlux,

I dont know what the charges are yet, he txt me with some brief details and knew he was in trouble 7 weeks ago, its a criminal law case. 

Is a legal rep a lawyer?

One did get in touch with his nanna from his dads side, but she cant help.

Ive sent him a note xpress post with my details as he wouldn't know them off the top of his head and he needs them to put me on some list. And some money.  I really don't know how hes going to cope. I dont think he will.

I'm going to be a regular on here for a while, its the only place ive got.

I am on a healthplan already for anxiety & depression and know that my coping mechanism is to digest small amounts of information at a time, so thats how im doing this. I have 3 other kids and they all have different takes on it.

Thankyou again 🌻

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Heartbroken _ mum….

Thank you so much for staying with us here at Beyond Blue…These forums are a truely amazing place to be……and we are never far away from you sweet Heartbroken….with our care and support…

Well done, in contacting the prison and finding out how to send money and any other necessities that your son might need…and the note you sent him, telling him you live him to the moon and back…..will hopefully make him feel not so alone…and loved..

So heartwarming hearing your on a health plan…..and you have some insight into your coping mechanism….which is helping you with your mental health…..

Please do talk here anytime at all you feel up to it…

My Kind thoughts, care and hugs dear Heartbroken_mum..🤗💜.

Grandy