BPD

[GuestYD]

Hi all

i have BPD. I have been to the emergency department multiple times due to suicidal thinking when 2 hours before I was happy. I can go from excited to depressed in an instant.

i used to self harm but I've stopped that. I am fixated by the idea of suicide even though I've got no intent. I can be impulsive.

I idealise certain people in my life, including my mental health team.

I fear that my Dr will abandon me.

i experienced brief psychosis when I was stressed and the object wasn't really there

[Zeal]

Hi Little Cavvie,

You've had a lot to deal with, and you sound determined, so good on you!

I am relieved to hear that you have managed to stop self-harming - that's an achievement in itself. Having a dedicated mental health team is fantastic. It sounds to me as though you are taking the right steps in helping yourself with this pesky mental illness.

Just remember that, whenever you need to talk to someone understanding (especially outside of appointment hours), you can ring 24/7 helplines for support. Beyondblue is reachable on 1300 22 4636, SANE is on 1800 18 7263, and Lifeline's no. is 13 11 14. Saving at least one of these numbers in your phone is a good idea.

Something which I think can be helpful is keeping a notebook where you write down symptoms, advice from doctors and other important mental health/medical details. This way, you don't need to worry about forgetting something before attending an appointment, or after you receive advice during a session, for instance.

If you don't mind me asking, do you live with someone else? I feel that when mental illness is involved, living alone can be difficult, and having a roommate or family member or partner to come home to could be a comfort.

Hopefully people personally experiencing BPD will also reply 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[james1]

Hi Little Cavvie,

I've got lots of the BPD symptoms and I was working on DBT and Schema Therapy with my psychologist earlier.

Zeal's had some great tips and I'd also love to hear, if you're comfortable, about whether you're living with anyone at the moment. I've found that a lot of people with BPD tend to have troubles at home in terms of family relationships, which are often the cause of the BPD flaring up in the first place. Yet equally, it's so hard to be alone too.

I know what you mean about the mood swings. My biggest thing is my identity which flips and is so transient, I never know what's happening.

I'd love to hear more about your story and maybe how you first found out about BPD. There are two threads I can think of that I'm talking at the moment. One is in the Depression board called "BPD - childlike" and the other is in the Long Term Support board called "Living with Borderline Personality Disorder..." I welcome you to come and have a read, and even post if you feel comfortable.

James

[GuestYD]

Hi Zeal

Thanks for your message.

It's definitely a good idea to have those numbers handy for night especially. I sometimes find it hard to settle to sleep.

I do keep a journal which helps my psychologist keep track of how I'm going in between appointments. I do it in a table, with various columns to keep track of symptoms, thoughts and feelings. It's been really useful.

I live with family members. It is good having the support.

TC

[GuestYD]

Hi James

Thanks for your message. I'll take a look at those threads.

I've done DBT and currently doing Schema Therapy. I found DBT not as useful as I hoped, although the mindfulness component was really good.

I agree BPD makes relationships hard at times. But for me the shifts in mood is the hardest part. I find a week in my life can be so exhausting because I've had so many different emotions.

LC

[james1]

Hey LC,

Yeah, I don't really like DBT very much. Schema Therapy has made more sense to me because of the childhood component but I really found it burnt me a bit. Just noticing all these things I do which I thought were normal, but aren't really...yeah that was a real body blow!

What kind of stuff are you doing with Schema Therapy? I had to keep a logbook of my modes and we were doing image rescripting as well.

James

[GuestYD]

Hi James

I totally agree about Schema making more sense than DBT. I found DBT a bit of a bandaid solution, but Schema gets right into the heart of the issues.

I've done mode awareness work which is really helpful and also do imagery work which is pretty helpful. I've also got childhood stuff that I need to work through.

I just know it's going to take a while to work through things, but I'm already so much better than I was prior to seeing my psychologist. I've reduced my admissions to hospital significantly and haven't been to emergency in ages.

LC

[james1]

Hey LC,

I think DBT is meant to feel like a bandaid. My psych got me to do DBT because my situation got worse and I wasn't coping with the Schema Therapy, but having done a bit of Schema was really helpful for the understanding.

Yeah, I find the childhood stuff really taxing. I'm really glad you're a lot better than before. Have you been able to open up to any friends or family around you? I find it really hard to explain to people because it just feels like more extreme versions of what everyone does in smaller less frequent and less explosive amounts.

James

[GuestYD]

Hi James

I found DBT really difficult - it was in a group setting. I had to drop out near the end because I really couldn't cope with it and I didn't really see that it was helping me. In fact my group was so toxic that my situation was made worse and I became really distressed.

Schema is definitely more full on but im buying into it more and feel like it's work I need to do so I'm engaging with it. I really like my psychologist too.

BPD is so hard to explain to people. I think people just don't understand the impact having unstable emotions has on quality of life.

LC

[GuestYD]

Ah. Nighttime. I'm really vulnerable and get hooked into sucidal thinking. It's just present. I'm safe. But it comes at night without fail.