Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[startingnew]

that really is ok Dotti

i wish i could hold you tigh and give you the support you desrve too

sending some squishy hugs you way or i can just sit with you and hold you until the tears you want to cry stop and until your ok

xoxoxox

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

Your words are fine, as is your heart. All wish as hard as we can things get better for you.

Croix

[startingnew]

No apologies neccessary ❤

Sending lots of warm comforting hugs

Xxoxo

[Guest_5809]

Lying in bed thinking am I able to save both my kids? It's the most horrible feeling to have on my mind. I have an interview with a respite place on Wednesday. I need it but I feel guilty leaving my kids. I dread what will happen with my oldest most difficult child. Today I just felt like driving away and just go off the radar from the world. My head is full. I am so emotionally drained. Completely and utterly drained.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

You have to save yourself first then the kids. I've been amazed how you keep going, you started posting close to two months ago and every day has been a real struggle.

Get a transfusion of rest, energy and perspective, then come back and see.

The idea of that road, which no doubt is not a new one, is the sign you need to help yourself.

Croix

[carer1]

hi dotty, I know some of what your feeling I dont think things ever get better ( i am in different circumstances to u ) mum has dementia /inoperable aneurysm, autistic daughter. this may be mums last xmas with us mentally or physically. daughter is 33 emotionally 7 or so. then there is me . totally burned out , attempted suicide 3 times ( daughter gets in the way each time) we are in a rental we wont be able to afford then what?? ive got health issues too ear /throat problems when do I get some peace all I want is a home. mum has no money ( thats a story in itself ) as a carer on 3.50 an hour i dont have any retirement money. friends well I did have them while they needed me but now I need them ..................... u get so tired of the battles n fights just to get by dont u

[blondguy]

Dear Dotti

Croix is spot on in his caring post

Your health is paramount right now.....and please forgive me for saying this but your children will be better off if you take advantage of the respite place.

I recently told my daughter that she cant move back in here with me as it would have be counterproductive to my mental health.....(that just me though...not you) The guilt is awful but I am trying like hell to put my health first for a change so I can be a better parent.

Croix mentioned "You have to save yourself first then the kids".....This will be difficult for sure but your children (and yourself) will reap the benefits Dotti and you will have more strength than you know

You first Dotti...

Hugs for you if thats okay

Paul

[Guest_5809]

Virtual hugs are always ok. Thank you. You always are kind in sending hugs and asking if it's ok It's really appreciated

I have extreme mum guilt and fear the kids will feel abandonment issues. They are my life and I just want to save us all.

[Guest_5809]

Sending the greatest hugs. I feel every bit of pain you feel. I am so sorry that this your life. It is dam hard as a carer. No one gets how it can drive you to the end unless your living it. Stay strong. We are hear for you 😊

[Guest_5809]

Croix, I so appreciate the words you have to say. My only validation is on here. I have immense mothers guilt. I am responsible for all the sadness and distress in their lives. I don't want them to feel abandoned if I go cause their dad has abandoned them. I just want to save them. I feel so selfish cause it causes distress to them when I go. Seperation anxiety.