Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy, Deebi and All 💖🌸🤗

Just wanted to say, thinking of you too Grandy and wondering how you are going. Hope you are keeping warm in what seems to have been a cold spell across southern Australia. I imagine your fur girls help to keep you warm 🐶💗

Deebi, I loved hearing about your Arnold Swartzy muscles 💪🤣

Take care lovely people 🥰

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy love and Eagle hope you're going as well as can be lovey. 

Yeah I was really surprised that we can have an eight pack amongst the quads in the legs. 
Couldn't possibly be so full of myself and wear shorts around. There'd be a terrible lot more depression in the world 😂 and OH YEAH there would be 😳

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Eagle Ray and everyone…

Deeply sorry I haven’t been on the forums much the past few weeks…I have been feeling so down lately and to top that off,  last week an abusive high on drugs man came into the shop and demanded all the money in the till and safe…I told him we are a cashless shop and have no cash…For over an hour he shouted abuse at myself and Betty, while throwing clothes on the floor, breaking a few of our bric brak and then stormed out with possibly over $400.00 worth of clothes and shoes…mostly suits…demanded me to drive him to the bigger town 55 kilometres away….I told him we get dropped to work and get picked up, that we don’t have cars….another tirade of abuse and he left…as soon as he left I locked the door and then I rang the area manager to tell her what happened, she  told me to close the shop up, go home and write out in detail what happened….I can’t do that…..I have been too scared to go back into the shop, Betty on the other hand hasn’t been effected at all and continued to work…Wish I was like her..but I’m not!…

My neighbours son who works at a pub in town told me yesterday that he abused the ladies in the chemist shop and has been arrested and in jail…I feel a bit safer now but unsure if I can get myself back to working again…I was so frightened for Betty and myself..haven’t felt that kind of fear since late husband passed away…Why the hell do people treat other people like this, I’ll never understand..It’s just wrong..

I have been told that now, the shop will have a direct to police station buzzer installed as well as surveillance cameras…probably take years for that to happen though…

I haven’t read through your posts yet Deebi and Eagle Ray,  but will do so soon….Just trying to get me back to some type of normal at the moment...I’m okay at home though…just not going out to town, even though I know he is in jail, my mind won’t accept that…more likely he will get a slap on the wrist, sent to detox, get told to not do it again and get let out of jail..

Hugs everyone.

Grandy..

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Grandy,

I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with the man on drugs coming into the shop. That would have been so stressful. I can understand you feel unsure about going back at the moment. It’s quite possible that if he was in something like a drug induced psychosis that he doesn’t even properly remember what he did, such as coming into the shop or the pharmacy he went to. But I do understand that it’s unsettling and triggering.

If you wanted to talk it through with someone you could give somewhere like the BB Helpline a call, if it helps to talk. I had a trauma trigger myself today actually and I’ve just come off the phone from Lifeline as I needed to just ground myself by talking to someone. I’m glad you feel ok at home. Things that give you comfort such as watching a favourite DVD while snuggling under a blanket may be helpful.

We are here to chat anytime. I expect that in time it will all settle and feel less worrying, but those things can really have an impact can’t they.

Take good care Grandy and we are here for you 😌💫💖

[demonblaster]

Hey our Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Eagle 🦅 and everyone 😊

Darlin girl SO good to hear from you. But not at all what you're going through and that you've been so down hun. Sorry hearing that lovely one. We all know it's the pits going through horrid headspace. 
I've said often about wanting to learn which is possible from mania and am starting to finally a little. Recently I wasn't aware that everything I was thinking about was lovely and all the tools that are spoken of coming from experience and psychs was naturally being applied. It was simply the mind thinking of all the good things in my life including nature people events hobbies etc. It had the gentle glow and good triggers. 
Since in a couple of lower moods and inbetween times I often apply this method. I figure with practice it can become habit which can be of immense distraction that we knows great and help boosting the mood. 

I really hope you haven't gone deeper Grandy darling 🤗 what an awful experience you've gone and going through you poor girls. Wow Betty being ok or is she possibly putting on a front. I'd imagine she would have had comfort in knowing you'd have her back too. 
It would have been terribly frightening Grandy I'm so sorry this happened. 

Eagle good idea Grandz to contact here to chat openly and possibly there might be free counselling for victim impact if that's the wording too that they maybe able to guide you to.

I was really impressed how quick your thinking by saying youse get a lift in. Very well done darl. And I'm guessing there might be a tickle of cash but either way well done how you handled it all. Survival boom.

IF they don't get onto that alarm and cameras pronto, you know what to do aye even if hopefully only temporarily. Time off until they do right by youse there. Geez 

I too am glad you feel safe at home hun. I guess the sleeps been pretty erratic tho I think from memory part of your meds help with that. 

That's ok about not reading my posts yet...just when you feel up to darlin. 

Very good too hearing the mutts been caught but yes I understand what you're saying but then again he didn't get what he wanted so if and only if he gets off he'd be more likely to try somewhere else I'd think. 

Remember beautiful this is where you can talk and you're cared about and loved very much. 
Please talk to a professional darl. It's letting it out and maybe learn some coping techniques too. We know holding bad stuff ins not healthy. 

Love and care very much dear friend. I'll be keeping a 👀 watch lovely one. 

 🤗 although virtual hugs they still carry love care and warmth 💜

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Grandy and wave to Deebi too,

I just wanted to really emphasise what Deebi said, which is how well you handled the situation at the shop. This shows how competent you were under stress. Sometimes I think those of us with trauma histories kick into action better than others in emergencies, because we have had to handle full on situations a lot. It's the aftermath that can be difficult. But I so want to say just how well you did and that you should be proud of that.

About 15 years ago I had an emergency situation at work involving a theft and a lot of drama (long story). My colleague, who was about 15 years older than me and had worked there much longer, ran away and hid in a back room. So I had to deal with it all by myself - stressed people at counter, police, incident report etc. But I managed. So I think sometimes where there is trauma experience there is also strength and resilience 💪 So just like Deebi's Arnold Swartzy muscles that she wrote about in an earlier post, you are strong dear Grandy and a very wise, compassionate being. I hope you can know and feel that at some level, even if at times things feel overwhelming.

Sending lots of love and supportive hugs 💕🤗

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience lass.  As the girls have already said you handled it brilliantly & should be proud of yourself for thinking on your feet so swiftly.  

Please don't feel bad about yourself because Betty has gone back & you aren't ready too yet.  Maybe as Deebi said she is putting up a front.  I do wonder though if it might be because she has over the years seen you as the one in charge & so wasn't as frightened because she felt you could & would deal with it & that in the end all would be well.  Which is what happened for her.

I hope your furs are giving you lots of snuffles & doggy hugs.  

I'm sending you a big huggily hug

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey there lovely people 😊 

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Hi darlin. Since I was in the neighbourhood just popping in to see how you're going. It's ok if you're not ready or up to a chat lovey and hoping you're mental healths holding up. 
Eagle bought up good points about an extra strength that rises in some highly stressful situations that you certainly were accessing. You handled it very well Grandy. 

Just wanted to make you a stiff 🍷🍹strong Coffee Frappe made with eternal love care constant thought and gratitude for having such a lovely friend in my life 🦋💫🌈

Places like here where there are beautiful people and there are out there as well is a great comfort.

You're one of those beautiful people Grandy.

Beasty's clueless. The less we listen and feed "IT" the weaker it becomes. 

We got this Grandz 💪 and everyone. It's in us ✊ 

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Eagle 🦅 Pawsy 🐾 and readers 😊

Hey darls just popping into see how you're going. 

This isn't meant as pressure although I do worry sometimes if you haven't been here for extended periods because I know how much it means to you.  RUOK lovey.  

I dearly hope you're MH's giving you a breather hun and that works done the right thing which would be about time by you girls. Huge breath out with a massive pftttt in it. 

You're SO loved 💜 and cared about. Never forget that our dear Grandy girl 🤗

Cya later darlin. Look after your beautiful self 🌞🖐...pwomish...Yaimh PubAok 💫💗

Above applies to all lovelies here too to look after yourselves 💕

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Eagle Ray, Paws and everyone reading here🤗..

Thank you all for your kind and supportive words….I really do appreciate you all…more then you’ll ever know….I have been receiving some counselling to help me move out of my emotional downfall and forward in life again….It’s so hard isn’t it to get out of our head, then little bits of light shines through then a bit of hope shine through only to be stubbed out again by reoccurring thoughts….and the circle continues to rotate until something gives way…

A couple of weeks ago….to try to erase my fear of the shop and people, I have had a support worker to stay with me an hour each day I volunteer…extending to 2 hours then after I feel more comfortable, .I can remain in the shop….as long as I want to….Tomorrow I will be on my own, with my co-worker and now a new volunteer that is a male for our safety….like a security person, who also helps sort outback….then Monday with my support worker…who I feel sorry for, she looks so bored at the shop…

I was put back onto anti depressants which I’m not liking…once I get let back into the public, and out of mental health care, I’ll wean myself off them again…they make me feel numb and puts weigh on my already overweight body…

Hope to see you all around the forums again….

Hugs, love and care everyone..🤗🩷🌹

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩…

I missed being here, but couldn’t be any help to anyone the way I was….