Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy and all~

I too have a couple of railway crossings about 1klm away, it does not have boom gates, just a bell and flashing lights. We only have around 3 trains per day, the last being in the very early morning. They sound thier distinctive horn as they approach each crossing, a sound I enjoy hearing. it reminds me of the lighthouse fog horn in Wales where I used to live.

I would think given the amout of pain and the possibility of your leg locking up you are wise to consider droppings Saturdays but recognize you have to get out of the house somehow, preferably with little walking involved. Your partly rejuvenated car would be a help I'd imagine.

About a month ago you mentioned doing welfare work, which might seem to fit the bill, do you mind if I ask if this is a possibility?

You have had so much experience in your life, both good and bad that it could be a real boon to others to hear how you have coped and even receive your advice.

Lying on a couch on the front porch sounds delightful. Here there are umpteen little birds and watching them hop or flit between buses is amusing and fascinating. They are becoming individuals with some preferring branches to fly between or walk along using them as bridges, others bounce as if on springs.

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Eagle Ray, Croix and everyone…..🤗🩷..

Sorry I haven’t been here lately, one of my dogs decided it would be a good idea to jump on my iPad, which I left sitting on my lounge a couple of weeks ago….and completely wrecked the screen, I just got it out from having a new front screen put on it….It was my fault for not putting in on my iPad holder….

Unfortunately the high rackie’s have completely stopped all welfare from the shop I work from…the reason being that we all have to take the appropriate courses first…for the older welfare participants it’s more of a refresher course for me it’s all new courses…I don’t think I’ll be able to do them…firstly because they are in the bigger towns, one town being over 160 kilometre away…..secondly being surrounded by big bosses and lots of people doesn’t go well with my mental health…thirdly, I am not very bright in learning new things, remembering what I learnt and having a written exam to show that I understand everything that was spoken about…for me, that door has been closed…

Saturday’s I have a lot of pain to contend with but it my only outing I do weekly, groceries I pick up after work now…at least on Saturday I can sit when it all becomes to much for me…I have a frozen water bottle in my freezer and I roll it under my foot to help ease it off…also Eagle Ray I have a tennis ball next to my bed, as well as one next to both lounges, one inside my house the other out front next to that lounge…August seems a long way off, not sure if I can have anymore Cortisone shots, but I’ll ask my Orthopaedic Dr…if I can have in my inner hip…to help with that pain…before operation, that is if it’s what my Dr..thinks it is..

Mentally I’m struggling somewhat, unable to do simple things like sweeping, mopping my floors or dusting is triggering back some things from past unpleasant experiences…getting a cleaner in is too hard for me to do….that would make me feel completely hopeless and worthless….not just the useless feeling I’m feeling for the past few weeks….

Croix, I have little sparrows and willy wagtails around my house at the front…that are so funny to watch…The wagtails had there two young ones in my Crepe Myrtle this year…One had fallen out…not a tiny baby…I think it fell from not being able to fly properly….When I saw it and was picking it up to put back in the tree…mum and dad were swooping me…I managed to put baby back into the tree…a couple of days later they all left the tree….but still hang around my place…which is beautiful to see…

I hope so much everyone is doing good…

My care, love and hugs to you all…🌈🩷🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy and Everyone 🤗

I’m glad you have your iPad working again Grandy. I have an extremely old iPad which I no longer use as its operating system can’t be upgraded. But I miss it actually as they are a nicer size for a lot of things rather than using a phone as I am now.

I feel that’s disappointing about the courses. I wonder if you could express your concerns to them about how it may be difficult for you to do them and if they could accommodate you in some way? It seems crazy to me that there can be really good people with something to offer to do the welfare work, and they end up missing out because they make the process hard. But I totally understand how you feel not wanting to go through the processes involved. I imagine they see the courses as a way of training people in the work, but it would be good for them to make the training as accessible as possible.

I was thinking with the pain Grandy, does meditation help at all? When I was in severe pain for a long time I read a book on meditation. One thing it mentioned was imagining light coming down and flowing through the body and clearing out any pain. I found that helpful in at least reducing symptoms and I did feel some peace that way. I wonder if visualisation would help too? I imagine you might be doing that already, such as imagining being by a beautiful waterfall.

Grandy, please don’t feel hopeless or worthless about asking for help. Being vulnerable is part of being human and it definitely doesn’t make you hopeless or worthless. I know with an ACAT assessment you can get free cleaning help in the home. I understand you might not want to do that right now. But know the support is there if you need it. 

That’s so lovely you put the baby willie wagtail back in the tree. It’s lovely they are still visiting you and it’s like they know you were looking after them, even if the parents swooped you at the time. I feel like animals know when we’ve done something to help them. I once saw a video of people spending a very long time helping a humpback whale trapped in a fishing net. They had to work carefully to remove the net and eventually succeeded. The whale seemed so appreciative and happy, following their boat for sometime afterwards and leaping out of the water in what seemed like an expression of joy and gratitude 🐳

Take good care lovely Grandy and sending you warm hugs and support 🥰

ER

[Croix]

Dear Grandy and all~

It's a bit different with Sumo Cat who sits with Mrs C at bedtime propped up with pillows and dabs the iPad screen, presumably helping Mrs C with 'Wordle'

I think it was great the little wagtail was able to resume a normal life with its parents. We have wagtails here too, in fact we have a mystery nest in our hedge which we have to leave alone - it creates a big bump in the hedge as we do not trim near it but if they wish to reuse the nest next year it will be there

I don't think in your position I'd want to do a who set of learning and tests. Sadly many places seem to rely upon formal training even for those who are doing the job well already. It just places extra stress and they lose good people as a result.

As for household chores, I suspect you ask to much of yourself. When young and fit such things are taken in one's stride. With your memories and you physical condition expecting yourself to do it is a bit hopeful. As ER says if you can get help use it!

Croix

[quirkywords]

Grandy

sorry to hear about your pain. I hope you can get help.

why do you need a course. At my op shop I am ignored and invisible. There are not any courses just learning on the job.

take care.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Eagle Ray, Croix, Quirky and everyone…🤗🩷..

Quirky, the courses are for the welfare conference…The conference, which I was on before they closed it down is to access the needs of people who are in dire need of help and granting them help with food vouchers, rent assistance, electricity bill assistance, car regos etc..,

Croix, I giggled at Sumo cat dabbing at your iPad…reminded me of something I saw on YouTube where the owners iPad screen had live wallpaper of fish swimming on it..and their adorable little kittens trying to catch them😂😂😂..so cute..

Eagle Ray, I have told the president of our shops conference, they said that I could go with them..which is nice on their behalf but it’s sitting in a crowed noisy room…with the conversations echoing in my mind….I can’t concentrate on the speaker with my mind constantly on look out for people watching and judging me…because of my constant and nervous fidgeting…

I understand what you’re saying about getting someone in to help with the cleaning…I have been very good lately and wash up straight after dinner…I bought a feather duster to dust my ornaments 😁 …I bought a clothes airer, that’s waist high, when my clothes are washed I put them on that, so I don’t have to walk done the steps and over to my clothes line…have a very small leaf blower that works to get the dust off my floor (venal tiles)…where there’s a will, there’s a way😂😂😂😂…we as humans can adapt the best we can to get thing done…

My new screen is weird on my iPad…it’s like delayed text…I can write a few words out even a sentence and it doesn’t show them up for a while later…so frustrating…

I am so pleased that daylight savings has ended…

My love, care and hugs to you all…🩷🌈🤗🌹.

Grandy..

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Grandy and All 💗

I understand about feeling overwhelmed in the conference room with all the people there. I have often found it hard to concentrate on what speakers are saying in those kinds of situations. I’ve gradually found it a bit easier over the years because of certain study and work situations I’ve been in, but it’s taken a long time. When I was in primary and high school I could rarely follow more than one sentence of what teachers said. I was always confused about what we were meant to be doing as I couldn’t hear and follow instructions. This affected me in various work situations too. I feel like early life challenges and traumas can really affect the capacity to take in information, at least I feel that happened for me. I feel it’s good to be gentle and understanding with ourselves and find what our comfort zone is.

It sounds like you are making many great adaptations to managing household tasks Grandy 😀 You inspire me as sometimes I feel overwhelmed by household tasks. I hope the pain improves this week and you can find some lovely peaceful time for yourself too 😌🕊️🌼🌸

That is annoying about the iPad. I think I would find it frustrating having the delay. I wonder if you can ask the people who repaired it about it? I saw that thing about the cats playing with the images of fish on iPads. Yes, it was so cute 🥰 

We don’t have daylight saving here in WA. The last time I remember we had it was 2007 and I remember how I’d end up going to bed late because it always felt earlier than it was based on when the sun went down. I think I prefer not having it too and just having the time the same all year round.

Much love to you Grandy and everyone else too 💕

ER

[Croix]

Dear Grandy (wiht a wave to all)~

I admire your ingenuity in getting the tools and appliances to be able to keep your independence, I hope they work out well.

I've had several iPad screen replacements and non behave as yours does. I strongly suspect it means that either it is not the right screen or has been installed in a faulty manner. If you are up to it you might like to check if it is the case that your previous screen behaved normally. (I know that might be uncomfortable) 

Sump does take his Wordle seriously and will nudge Mrs C if she does not bring out her iPad when going to bed. I might see if I can find a fish video:)

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Croix and All,

Croix, if you google the recent ABC article “Melbourne animal hospital trials iPads for cats to improve their behaviour” you can read about it. It sounds like Sumo might like fish videos 🐠 I imagine he has lots of interesting things to see out the window where you live too but also enjoys the iPad 🙂

[Croix]

What fun 🐟😺