Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hiya dear bbff Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 💫 and all lovelies 😊

Sweety I need to walk shortly, haven't for a couple of days so I"ll beee back but have read your post lovely one. 
Sending a stack of love and hugs 🤗 darlin girl 
See you/se all soon-ish 👀💗💚🤗

Oh oh 😂 Deendy 🐉 rang me at huh hymmm 2.23am that was just dandy 😤 but dear girl she was asking after you and said after she finishes her world tour...see it's a practice run oops should say fly for her 🐝Dragonfly-ing comp in 2 days so asked me to tell you she'll be there yesterday because she loves you SOOOO much. 

Eagle and Pawsy 💗💗🤗🤗

[demonblaster]

Heya Grandy ‌‌‌‌👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and all dear people here 😎

Ahh darlin ‌‌. Keep going lovey I hold hope that in your future this will be a distant memory. Hard news hearing the poor Dr's are under the pump so much. Surely you'd be at least in ? lower priority due to sitting and laying being free of pain thank god for that. Gives the mind a little reprieve from the screaming pain even just for a short time.

I'm thinking mental strength would contribute to high pain tolerance. Doc said I do too but it doesn't feel that way at times aye darlin.

That's right hun new pain we're not used to adds to stress & creates new problems figuring out often with trial & error how to do it all. It is hard to accept and the loss temporarily of independence.
I use pretty much everything around me like walking sticks to pick up or the grabber sticks. Long tongs are useful too. Sometimes my toes to lift something so high then get it. Your'e doing well Grandy working around it all. Thatta girl keep up the good fight.

Those cracks are wicked I have same several times in a bad back out. The only saving Grace is their quick but serously hell cruel pain 🤗

Hun I'll not talk too often about our gorgeous Ebony unless you're OK with random asks to see how you're going. All good if you prefer not to be asked tho Grady. 🗯 Grieving's the hardest part of love .

Well done emailing them. Wow what a pack of... They're clearly not good business people. It's your staff that keep it running. When they're Gold like you they should damned well be looking after them. Seriously poor form!

Oh that's brilliant your son looking after you like that. Wow what a major relief well it will be when he gets there. About time you got a break eh 👍

🤔 A fairy cloth angel sounds cute. Hymm must say it may not be so cute when I tackle it 😆 I'll have to google one day.

Haven't got back yet to sewing but keen to it's been a bit full on lately. Thanks Grandz I always feel so supported by you dear 😇

Working in the shop's been invaluable towards some healing. I sincerely hope you do get to do that still. True you'll at least be out of the house and people contact once at least a wk. Good luck sweetyheart

Big jobby day today. Things I"ve been wanting to get onto for ages and we got stuck in. Good feeling woot

Love you dearly Grandy love. Please get better you SO deserve a lot of goods. Surely Shirley it's gotta be your turn. Sleep sound huns and everyone 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💗💫

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone…..🤗🩷..

Thank you for your kind and supportive posts..

I got a letter from the hospital with early August as my appointment to see orthopaedic surgeon….

Mentally I’m doing better, I’m not doing much walking at all at home, get my groceries online and do shop to boot pick up…Saturdays is the only day I go out now…the last time I went shopping a couple of weeks ago, my right hip or whatever it is locked up on my and I couldn’t lift my right leg enough to walk without horrible pain and I had to kind of drag it behind me….I’m to afraid to go out anymore that requires me to walk…..Saturday at work I can sit when I first feel it start to lock up….which stops the intensity of the pain….we usually end up working out the best way to manage and live our life through pain…

Betty’s son has replaced the faulty coil and now I can drive my car, the other 3 coils will have to be replaced, so I thought I’ll buy one a month and do it that way…

I sat down and painted a little shelf I have in my kitchen, it looks good but made my cupboards look dirty, before I knew it I started painting them as well😁..I have a small kitchen..only 3 cupboards and 4 drawers…it looks nice and clean now…

Friday, if I feel able to, I start doing welfare work…I have been hoping to start doing that for sometime now and looking forward to starting it..…very bad timing though with my leg/hip the way it is…..It’s mostly sitting down and asking questions to find out how we can best help those in need…I hope if I get their…I will do okay..

Deebi, my dil sent to framed photos of one of Ebony and her mumma sitting together, the other of Ebony with her more then not dirty face…she had a habit of trying to get under my neighbour fence to play with her dogs and would get her little face dirty….I light a candle for her along with my late husband every Sunday…I miss them both very much….Time does ease the pain, but not the love 💕..

Big love to you Aunty Deebi…💕👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩…Im looking forward to a mystical flight with our beautiful Deendy… 🐉….oh! I’ll check in our 💼 and see if I can find a picnic hamper for our upcoming trip…😁🐉👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌈..

Prayers for all those people and animals in the cyclone’s path….

My love, care and hugs for everyone…🩷🌹🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and lovelies Hiyaz 😀

Ah the universe is sending some light at last. Fantastic although August might seem an age how fast time moves. Can't believe we're in March already. Fingers crossed it'll be sorted sooner than too much later hun. Glad you were able to click and collect that's another biggy out the way for now.

So pleased the cars workable for now. They're great though maintenance is a biggy as we know well. Having that little bit of independence back and a touch of freedom would be a boom. 

SO good you're feeling better mentally and looking forward to welfare. I'm so glad you're still doing that Grandy. I've always loved that you try to improve your life. Hope that went well.

The painting sounds really good hun. It's a great feeling of achievemnent doing things and seeing a good result I find lasts quite a while. I think painting would be quite lethargic though I wouldn't be a painter for quids, the places they have to squeeze in and the poor arms let alone the ladders. imagine doing a house and don't like the colour. Good on them I say.

Your DIL"s so lovely. How's she going?
Amidst untold beautiful memories of Ebony that's a gorgeous one that you can see. Lovely lighting the candle hun 🤗

Oh Oh had a dragon chat with Deendy 🐉 in the bag 👜. Yip took a while to learn to stand aside when she talks. Let's say I still have quite a tan.
She spoke of the amazing tinsy flowers that even the hubble telescope 👩‍🍳 can't see floating around in different shaped bubbles that wobble in the cool icy wind. Doesn't do much for the hair style ... oh don't wipe it cause the icicles snap off with the hair in them 😳.

So we can only see them when we pop the bubbles then they come to life. Deendy zigzags for us to catch them so hold on tight lovey and to me for that matter....I keep pointing to things & forget to hold the invisible reins...I now know how it is to fly...and to have a heart attack for that matter. Good ole Deendy catches me with her tail phew

So much love for you Grandy. Keep on the up huns 🤗👀💭💫💮
If we haven't yet got this... we will... cause it's in us. We have the power even in 🙃 times.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone….🤗🩷..

Thank you Deebi for those little bubbly popping flowers…and your care bbff…👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I worked out click n collect it works okay and no problems with my orders….but do wish so much I could walk around the shop and do it personally…😢 my only day out is Saturday but I really think that I will need to stop that as well…I’ll keep trying as much as I can to continue Saturdays because if I stop….I will have no reason to leave my home, except to pick up my groceries….but Saturday just gone I was holding back the tears from both my hip and heel pain…not walking means not much pain…Dr says foot pain is because of the way I’m walking with my hip….I question that to myself because I had planta fasciitis years ago and it’s the same pain that I’m experiencing right now….feels kinda like you’ve been walking on sharp rocks barefoot which causes deep bruising then walking on the bruised heel….

Love the sound of the trains whistle…The train blows it whenever it passes a level crossing…I have a level  crossing about a kilometre, maybe 2 kilometres from my place…haven’t heard that for a while either…only have 3 freight train pass daily…11.30 am….3.30 pm….and 3 am…and one passenger train…early morning and comes back late afternoon…I haven’t been on a train for so many years😁…

I’m talking silly things, things are just popping in and out of my thought…I’m going to get some lunch now…cheese toasties…that is if I can motivate myself enough to get of this lounge on my front veranda…

Hope everyone has a good day today….

Lots of love, care and caring hugs…💜🌈🌹🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

Mentally I’m okay, not happy, haven’t felt happiness for many many years…mentally okay to be able to have bits of motivation enough to do things, making my bed, showering, cooking some nights…sitting out front again…yay I’m on a roll here.😁

Right now, this minute I’m laying on my lounge on my front veranda…I missed doing that a lot.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Grandy, Deebi and All,

Grandy, I just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you but don’t have time to reply properly at the moment as I’m getting ready to go to the city tomorrow. But will reply better sometime soon. Take good care and I’m glad you are enjoying being on the lounge on the front verandah. It sounds lovely ☺️ 

Take care and hugs 🤗 

ER

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Eagle Ray,

Thats okay sweetheart.no need to reply..and thank you so much for thinking about me..as I do you and my other beautiful friends here on the forums….I really hope you enjoy your trip into the city today….

Love n hugs dear friend….🩷🤗…

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi darlin Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Eagle and other lovelies here and reading 🖐

Also just a quicky for now lovey so you know I've read your post 😊

Darlin I have to choof we're going to a lunch here that a church so kindly puts on for people for not only a feed but also for people to connect. We've started helping where we can. Lovely to take but to give back is good too. 

You know your in my thoughts at a constant Grandy sweet daily and filled with love and care which will never change because you're you Mrs lovely one 👀 😊 💜 💫

Be back darlin sooner than laters the plan Stan. Hope your days better. 

[demonblaster]

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and other lovelies 😊

You're welcome re the flower bubbles

It's a buzz working things out esp when it helps in our lives. Great it's all going smoothly too. These days having options for shopping esp as in your hard situation to have some independence and as you say it's an out of the house for a bit. Scenery can be quite stimulating esp lovely trees and animals doing their thing 🐮
Roll on August aye hun to get the ball rolling. I imagine it would feel like a lifetime with the limitations.
Geez more pain in your foot again. I think that backed off in time from before? Maybe the rest might settle it again. Big ouch that pain too poor darlin

It'd be a great shame to have to drop Saturdays but it's not worth more pain on top of what you're going through imo lovey. Maybe later you could go back.
I wish there was another outlet for you to have some company & out of the house. I don't think there's a church near you. We've spoken about before.
Maybe sometimes a cuppa with the girls that you get on well with.
? any social activities in the club you used to go to for darts. You've come a long way with being around people which is SO good. I do understand the motivation side of things too. Maybe Betty might be keen to go with you. Some ideas to munch on my darlin

I think it's good to not necessarily trust what Dr's say because being human they too can make mistakes. Was wondering if way back the hip being a major for yrs might have bought on the fascititeeee (can't think of the spelling lol) & because it's so much worse again maybe renewed it. Dunno

Good thinking of other things Grandz which is a great distraction and clearly gives you some pleasure. Dunno tho about the 3 am whistle though 😳
Do you think you'd be up to jumping the passenger train for an out sometime? I have good memories in my young yrs of a lot of train travel to school and into the city.

Sad that you haven't felt happiness for so long Grandy 🤗. It can be the little things in our memories or to look forward to that keep us going.
Oh cheese is so good isn't it. My fave toastie's Ham & cheese. A nice tasty or matured one.
Hold onto the motivation darlin. You're winning there. The gentle pushing through gets us there. Another bite to beasty 😌

Oh oh we've both lost 6 kgs. 😢 ouch...less choccy 🍫

Always much love and thoughts magic lady 🤗💜💫 

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Grandy, Deebi and All 🤗

Grandy, I wonder if there is something you can join where you can sit down, such as a local art group? So something else you can do if you drop the Saturday at the shop but where you don’t have to be on your feet? A lovely lady recently invited me to a local art group which I haven’t got to yet but I’m hoping to. Ideally you want one with nice people where it’s about enjoyment and some social connection. 

I have had the plantar fasciitis too and I know it can be quite painful and make anything involving standing or walking difficult. One thing a podiatrist recommended to me is rolling a tennis ball under my foot while watching tv, or could be something like a can of baked beans. It sort of massages the foot and can help to release the tight fascia.

I love the sound of train whistles too Grandy. There are no trains where I live but I used to live in a suburb of the city where a freight train would go through and it had that sound of an old-time train compared with the modern electric passenger trains. I enjoyed visiting Victoria as it’s so connected by rail, whereas there are very few regional train options here in WA.

I think I know what you mean about mentally ok Grandy. I have marvelled in recent weeks that I’ve had the capacity to get my dishes done at night. It doesn’t mean I’m thriving with energy, but it’s way better than I was not so long ago when they’d get left for 3 days because I simply couldn’t do them because of a mix of mental and physical health impacts. I think seeing how far you’ve come is so important. You are a special, kind, lovely person Grandy so know that the world is lucky to have you.

I can feel I’m getting sleepy so I’m off to bed soon. I’m looking after a fluffy cat who will probably come and sit almost on my head as she often does at night and purr away.

Big hugs to everyone 💗

ER