Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

i am pleased to hear that you are not going to give up on yourself. And you shouldn’t, you have so much to give and help me feel better a lot.

I also think you should have a go at the supervisor role. You were asked because of The abilities you show . I know you think it should be Betty, but doing these things is not about how long you have been somewhere, but rather about ability. But it is up to you what you agree to. You do what you are comfortable with.

How awful having to sneak out to the park with your boys. But now you can go when you feel like it, just try to enjoy the happy people around you and what they bring to the park.

you are a terrific woman. Give yourself credit for what you are achieving.

tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Dear Tess and everyone 🤗..

Thank you Deebi and Tess..your confidence in me is more then I have in myself..I’m very grateful for you both saying what you did....🤗Thank you so much for the nice things you’ve said to me...I hope you both know how incredibly amazing people you are...

I spoke to Betty today and told her..she is okay with it all...which makes me feel a little better...

I haven’t gone back to Darts..Maybe next year I’ll give it another go....Hard to go out 2 days in a row...I changed our walk next week to Thursday...the next day after work I’m still trying to settle my anxiety...WW understood and said that’s okay....

I tried so hard to give them some relaxing days..It hurts so much when I think about it all...and when I see happy families with mum, dad and children..laughing together and pushing the kids on the swings...I feel really happy for them...then I get home and start remembering about watching them at the park...then I get really sad and remember my kids upbringing and how much they missed out on...😢...Guilt is a very hard emotion to silence..even after so many years..

The biscuits were yummy....I had with a cuppa last night..gave my dogs half a biscuit each and they liked them as well...I gave Mrs Cranky her plate back today, when she was out front...We chatted for a few minutes...Baby steps...

So hard getting through BP...I have such long downers and little mania..I wish it was reversed😁..I did sleep yesterday afternoon and woke still headachy..the headache disappeared after I had some dinner....

Im doing okay today..I hope everyone is as well...

Love you Deebi...💖..yadimh...wiwawyip so much....

Kind thoughts...Love n hugs everyone 💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🍯💖🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hiya lovely Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies 😊

Thanks Grandz. I really do think you're the incredible one. So brave and willing to challenge yourself to improve your life.

I think you're onto the right way, continually saying to yourself you'll be ok. It's reassuring and not accepting what beasty says and true no matter what you come up against you always get through.
A friend said every day she'd say no ones better than you and it seems to have worked for her. Shes awesone.

In time you'll maybe want to do a couple of outs in a week but no point being overcome and dreading it. Baby steps. You really are doing very well sweet friend.

Must be comforting that ww understood.
Grandy you did what you could under extreme circumstances. Just so wrong. They would have been happy in your company no matter where you were.
Guilt is a powerful emotion.
It wasnt you that wouldnt allow them, yet you wear the guilt. I'd love to see you give yourself some slack honey. People have swayed you to not believe in yourself. They were wrong!

Wow 😀 things moving along nicely with Mrs Cranky. So good Grandy 👏 It's quite sweet actually sounds like shes looking forward to the visitors and baking for them.
You're giving her some light like you do for anyone that knows you beautiful good hearted lady 🤗

BP's wicked hard. Takes ya so low to horrid dark places. Shame you don't have much mania. I feel sorry for people that only have the downs with BP, unipolar I think and you not having much up. Pretty average darlin eh.

Glad your headache eased off. Same. They pull you down dont they.

Love and appreciate you very much 🌜 🍯💖 🌛 you really are such a beautiful person 🐻🤗

Always 🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👀🔥👏💪

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and every one ☺

Hi huns just jumping in to see how you are and popping in the fridge some tea I saved for you gorgeous one including roast potatoes.

Hope todays been a good or at least easier for you darlin lady.

You're always in my thoughts sweetyheart with deep love and care.

Wanted to let you know too I'm home safe from tea, just in. Was lovely. Roast Pork.

Heaps of love and care beautiful.

PubAok lysvm wiwAwyip yAdimh

💫👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗✨🗝🍯💖☀️🗯🤝👀

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

Thank you for letting me know you arrived home safe n sound..that meant so much to me..🤗..and the kind words...

I’m okay,....just so unmotivated that I can’t even force myself to do something that I want so much to do...I thought of something to make on my sewing machine for my phone...if it turns out okay..it’s something that I could make and hopefully sell on Ebay...I wanted to make and try it out on Tuesday..but that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen....I wish their was a med available that I can take to bring on the motivation 😁...

I think I’ll take that shelf out of the China cabin..and just put taller ornaments on the bottom shelf..if I don’t like like that..I’ll just throw the China cabinet out into one of my sheds....or try to find another use for it out back...Its a 70s style one..not those beautiful 50s style ones...I don’t know what to do with it..but it’s getting on my nerves..seeing the broken shelf daily...

I have to try to get up off this lounge today...have a cuppa tea..then back onto the lounge for most of the day...I have to break this habit*..it’s my life 6 days a week..I know it’s not good...but can’t do nothing about it...I occasionally get up to do something..start it then meh...Before this mh illness caught up with me...I was able to keep myself constantly busy... Im okay just letting some trapped thoughts out of me...

Maybe I’ll walk around in my backyard for a while..it might help to get my body up n running...my motivation to do something today...

I hope everyone’s day is a good day regardless of what you are doing or going to do....Please just enjoy your day..the way you want to....

Love and care for you deeply bbff..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗..pubaok...lysvm..awyis..wiwawyip....💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Kind thoughts...love and hugs 💖🤗🤗 everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌈🌹🦋💭...🌜🐅🐆🐕🐩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛..

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

It is so hard getting the motivation kick started isnt it.
Wow good on you thinking about making something you can sell. You'll get there and especially that you want to I hope will help.
Wouldnt it be great a med that prompts us.
In mania it all happens, so much gets done vrooom 😆

Sounds like a good idea putting taller ornaments there hun. It sounds like it might be getting the choof orders 😆 cause its bugging you.

It is incredible breaking habits isnt it but the good thing is we know they can be broken. Me too hun.

Yip they say to get energy if you move or walk it helps. True it does.

Really love and care deeply for you beautiful Grandy.
I hope todays been easier on you lovey. It takes a long time pulling out of BP doesnt it.
I'm always close by sweetyheart 🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯

Please rest up and look after yourself sweety. Need you. You make such a difference 💜

💫✨👀🍯💖🐻🤗😚🗝⚘

🌜🐕🐶🐆🐩😂👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛

[Tess2]

Dearest Grandy,

I understand totally what you are saying about motivation but I know if I wrote that post you would give me a good motivation and tell me we will do it together, we will get up you’d say and we will have a walk and then do some of that weeding you are on about!

so please find one thing each day to get you off the couch and outside and doing something even if only for 20 minutes.

As for the shelf, well you tried that is enough, don’t give it another thought.

you are in my thoughts

tess

[demonblaster]

Hiya beautiful lady 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 😊

Sweety Grandy just popping in to see how you're getting along lovely.

I know you've been struggling and trying to pull out of BP, never easy is it sweet.

Always by your side 🤝 and keeping an 👁 on you.

It's a beautiful day again in Paradise. I hope its lovely where you are and that the lights reaching in deep to your Golden heart and soul.

No rush or need for a reply just want you to know you're very loved appreciated and cared deeply about dear friend.

Hope your physical healths holding too darlin.

Keep thinking good positive thoughts sweety that's how we squash beasty and give [IT]x the choof.

PubAok lysvm yAdimh wiwAwyip. You're an incredible person and friend honey

Love and thoughts always 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

💫🌜👩‍❤️‍👩✨🌛🐶🐕🐆🐩🗯🗝

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..Tess..and all..

Thank you for popping in to see how I’m going...I’m okay..Hopefully I start improving a bit once I get my meds back in me..

My motivation has been lost... I found it today at work...😁..There was just myself and Betty in today....I had a sleepless night last night being concerned about starting my training today as a coordinator.....She was away...I divided my day sorting out back and giving a hand out in the shop when it got to busy..which was only a couple of times....

I had to cancel my Dr. appointment today because I couldn’t leave Betty on her own in the shop...It’s not allowed..just in case something bad happens...WW rang me to ask how I was and reminded me about Thursday and our walk, around the oval....and how my Dr appointment went..I ran out of anxiety meds last week...WW rang my Dr..and picked up a script, filled it for me and brought them into work..I payed her for my meds and thanked her so much...withdrawal symptoms are not nice...😢...

Rest day tomorrow..WW is picking me up tomorrow to take me to town to the back of the Central Park and walk around a bush track then onto the oval...x 2 times..😓..I’ll definitely check how many steps I do...Not looking forward to it...at all...My main goal is to be able walk anywhere I want to without the dread and fear I feel....Mhn and WW asked me what are three goals I want to achieve a few months ago...I suppose it had to get started sometime...

Physically I’m okay ish...I see my Cardiologist on Wednesday and Thursday next week...WW taking me both days...another stress test on a treadmill..as well as echocardiogram etc...yucky...

I hope your feeling okay everyone..

Thank you bbff for your friendship..Love and care deeply for you.....💖🤗..

We will all get a better life..because we have the want...

Kind thoughts....love and hugs everyone..💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🐻🤗🌛...🚌😁🍩🦋🌈

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

Oh darlin I didnt realize today would be your first supervisor day sorry hun I would've come over to wish you all the best. I presumed they'd ease you in and run tnrough it. Sounds like it went ok I'm so pleased. I hope you're feeling more settled now darlin you got through the first day good on you.

And about Thursdays walk. I think you'll feel good for doing it sweet and you're with someone you feel comfy with. Hope its a nice cheery day weather wise.
Darlin I'm going to start too. I want to do the beach and just sitting eating Tv sleeping not good enough so we can 🤝

Wow you've been a while without your meds poor love. They help you sleep too I think so that hopefully will help you back on track. You've done well from what I'm hearing. Stronger than what you think sweety lady.

You have quite a bit on over this and next wk. Hope it goes well at the cardiologist. Gotta look after that beautiful heart precious friend 💜

So lovely ww sorted your script for you.

Just in case you're not eating well lovely one I'll do us and anyone welcome to have some 🎃 soup.

How bout some nice deep breathes in annnd out slowly saying relax annd again hold and relax there we go one more all together now and feel those shoulders relax on out. Good on youse.

Deep love and care for you lovely dear friend. Please take care of yourself and b ok.
Lysvm yadimh wiwawyip 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

😁🚌🌜🐻🤗🌛💫🎃🤝🗝😚