Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone 🤗..

I have some gardening gloves I’ll use with the soil...Woolworths here sells garden soil..so heavy to lift, need to get it onto the trolley into the car then back out of the car..hmmm..I think I’m gonna need lots of spinach to get like Popeye.. 💪....

I fixed the broken glass shelf in my china cabinet yesterday..I sat on my foot rest and did it...It was only split in half so I got my hot glue gun out and fixed it that way...Then only put the lighter ornaments on that shelf....

My glucose tolerance test is tomorrow before work...2 hours it takes and 2 cups of icky glucose syrup...and fasting from midnight...Will have a morning tea at work when I get their tomorrow around 10.45...

Slowly pulling up..it’s hard to keep arguing with ourselves...Geez it’s my mind..taken over at times by a force stronger then my own mind....doesn’t make sense why our own mind turn against us....and wants to harm me...I showed [IT]...who’s the boss of me is this time....

Ummm...still smoking Deebi atm...but will stop again when I’m feeling a bit more better.....all the hard work last time when I quit..spoiled by one smoke..harder to stop this time around...

I hope everyone is feeling good...

I need to stop laying around all day, everyday..it’s making me so unhealthy....and unfit.....motivation where the heck are you...come out..come out...where ever you are....How do I motivate me...when its just me here?....Thats the million dollar question...I wish I knew the answer...

I hope everyone is feeling better then yesterday....

Deebi..Love you dearest bbff....💖👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗...never loose hope that one day it will be awyip.....Lysvm..yadimh..Without hope we have nothing....

Sending kind thoughts...love n hugs 💖🤗 to everyone who needs/wants...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🐻🤗🌛....🌹🤝👀

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 😊

Good girl with the gloves. Yes it's heavy hun please be very careful. Do you have a trolley maybe the one you shop with darl. I'm pleased you have your plants to focus on. Go the spinach 💪 😃

I used my new trolly today shopping it kept coming off so I need to add a couple of straps.

Ah good was thinking about that and was goin to suggest the crate you garden with. Good thinking hun. Good job out the way.
Hope the hot glue works out. I havent ever used that. Think I have a glue thingy.

All the best with your glucose test. You have a big day with work too.

So True Grandz its such a powerful force isnt it. I don't understand either why our minds want to take us down. Agree with what you've said that the more we think positively it becomes normal.
You're winning honey. Loven that you showed [IT] who's boss. Power to you sweety 🔥

That's ok Grandy it's so hard when you're struggling. You'll get off them.
It is harder when we're down. You'll be ok sweet.

Tis so hard drawing on motivation and yes just us here.
It's between doing or listening and obeying beasty.

Ohh Grandy I really need that hope awyip. SO hard not being able to.

Love you so much dear friend.
Really hope your days a good one tomoz and weds for your cuppa.

PubAok beautiful lady.You're so loved needed and appreciated 😙

🐻🤗

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛🌈💗🤝🌱⛅🌅👼🔥

[demonblaster]

Hi bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 🖐

Just popping in to see that you're ok and resting up. You had a big day today.

Hope the test went ok for you lovey.

No need to reply just for you to know from daylight to sleepies youre in my thoughts beautiful friend.

Hope your cuppa and walks nice and good weather tomoz honey

Love you very much sweetyheart 🐻🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗⚘🌈⛅🌅✨☀️👼

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 And everyone 🤗..

The test went well..WW met me there..there office across the road.....We sat in a room on our own and played dominos and Rummy...wow the time dragged...I got to work 1 hour late..and was so hungry..I ate last night at 6pm...then fasted until 10.30..When I got to work it was the best cuppa tea..ever...I see my gp next Tuesday..I’ll get the results then....

The co-ordinator spoke to me today as the boss not in...He wants me to learn to be the Co-ordinater, to open and close the shop when the usual one not in...That means out front full days when she’s not in, starting the cash register and then balancing it when work is finished for the day....That’s not really fair Betty has been there many years before me..it should be given to her...I’m not good out front nor am I good with customers or telling people what needs doing..Not sure now if I will stay there or not..I’m not good enough to do that job....

So much for my great job at fixing the glass shelf...it collapsed yesterday...Usually my jobs come undone or break...I should just throw the lot away and be done with it...

I Okay Deebi... not down as much...just sad and a bit emotional..Too much to take in today...Why does things have to change..I was doing good out back...just sorting...

Its raining here on and off but I think more sleet..the rain is icy and floating around at times..then normal rain...It’s snowing not far from me...definitely feeling it...

Woolies hasn’t got the garden soil as yet...I have heaps of grass clipping that is turning to dirt..maybe I’ll use that..

Keep nice and warm Deebi and everyone, so many people are still getting the flu out here...Betty had the flu jab..but caught the flue two days ago and is very sick with the flu...Please everyone be careful....and look after you..the way you look after your loved ones...

Deebi...I’m not giving up hope...ever....I can’t because my want is very high....Love and care so much for you dearest bbff..🤗🐻💖..

Kind thoughts....Love and hugs everyone..💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹🦋..🌜💪🌛..always.🤝👀..

[demonblaster]

Hiya Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 🖐

Geesh long time no eat hun. Glad it went well. Good youse could be out back.

Ah darlin that would be unsettling for you. I think too a good compliment, they it looks like have a lot of faith in you which is nice but I feel if you're not comfy with that position that its quite ok to say honey. It'd be a big shame to leave. Sweety it gives you some people time and outta the house.
Nice going with your steps wow its full on isnt it.

Oh no it collapsed. Hey that's ok hun you had a go at fixing. I say good effort trying. Could that shelf go at the bottom maybe although it probs is lower cause you had to be low to fix it.

Good you're not down but I know lovey you're unsettled. You don't have to I wouldnt think. Maybe you could explain to her as you have us.

Hope the grass clippings work out. If they're Green they burn plants. Be good to save buying and lugging soil eh.

The jab would have some of the flu in it to make the body build immunity. Hope she goes ok shes having a run. Don't you get it sweetems.

My want is incredibly high too Grandy. Love and care so much about you too beautiful friend. Every days one less 😢 I wish so much.

Hoping tonight you'll sleep better with all those steps lovely.
Hope everyone does, it makes such a difference in our lives.

Be careful hun always. PubAok lysvm wiwip yAdimh 🤝👀

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🌈⛅✨🌅👼🐻🤗☺🌱

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

I see you’ve had quite the week...maybe even some potential changes in your life...

I’m very glad you spent some time with the WW people recently, and that you even played games with them. I think it’s nice to be able to interact with people and be able to practice social skills, or at least in my opinion 🙂

I feel your wonderful pal, DB, has commented so thoughtfully about your potential coordinator promotion that I have little to add. In any case, I would still like to congratulate you (I hope that’s okay), even though I know you have some very conflicted & doubtful feelings about the offer.

As DB said, I agree it’s a compliment...they clearly recognise your experience, dedication and skills. That being said, I also realise you have valid fears/worries when it comes to things like more interaction with customers, delegating, etc.

So I know you have a lot to weigh up. But I trust you’ll ultimately make the decision that is best/most suitable for you at this point in time. We will rally around you, no matter your choice 😉

Thank you for your lovely well wishes. I hope Betty is on the mend soon, and that you rug up as it sounds very cold at your place...

Gentle hugs and much love,

Peppy xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Peppy and everyone..

Thank you for your posts..💖.

WW came today and picked me up to go to town..Mhn was waiting in the park for us... WW took me to maccas first and bought me a coffee...and we took it to the park and we just sat their chatting for around an hour...Mhn noticed me always looking behind me..(reasons)..people behind me I don’t like..so we moved to another seat and decided that next Thursday we will walk just WW and me around the back of the park, where they have a small bushy trail, that bring us to the oval and back to the car...WW wants to do it twice...She drove around the track today to show me..and I think I can do it..so I’ll give it a try..

I spoke about the position that I’m expected to start leaning soon at work...They both gave me some good advise...If co-ordinators not in and Betty is..Betty can stay with me and when I get to anxious or emotional..I can ask Betty to look after the shop until I’ve grounded myself...I will ask my boss if that’s okay with him...then I’ll give it a go....I can only try...if I didn’t try..I think I would be giving up on me...ever being about to interact with people earlier rather then later..if ever....

Im comfortable outback and do my best always..I think I need to challenge me at least on Tuesdays...I realise I have to help me as best I can..

Thank you for saying you will all rally around me..Without the beautiful caring people here..I have no one..

Thank you both..Betty is improving...the magic of antibiotics..

Deebi..it’s so hard not to be..😢..You are an amazing friend and help me so much here...💖🤗..hurts a lot..Love and care a lot dearest bbff...

I hope everyone has a good sleep tonight and wakes up in a beautiful peaceful way for tomorrow, and you enjoy your day...

Sending you all kind thoughts...my love and some warm hugs..💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🌜🤝👀🌹🌛...🦄👼

[demonblaster]

Hey dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Wow you never fail to impress me dear Mrs Grandy. You're amazing.
So so proud of you that you're going to give it a go. I have no doubt at all that you'd give it your all. You're a brave strong lady Grandy love. Power to you darlin 💪
Sounds like a good plan with Betty when she's around.
Glad to hear she's on the improve.

Oh so pleased the day was good for you.
I've been 🗯 and wondering all day how it went 🤗
Poor love about people behind you. I'll refrain saying what I'd like to.

Next week sounds nice too. Good on you darlin. Nice being out somewhere different isnt it esp amongst nature.

You really are amazing honey love that attitude not to give up on yourself.

I know sweetyheart 😢 I feel same, it does hurt and is very hard. Not fair!
Same sweety you help me so much always looking after me. We were meant to meet and become so close 💜👩‍❤️‍👩 beautiful friendship.

Love you very much Grandy and always walking with you 🤝👀

You're a beautiful strong lovely lady 🔥🌱⚘🌈🌜💜👩‍❤️‍👩🌛

PubAok lysvm wiwip yAdimh

Please take really good care honeyheart 🐻🤗⛅

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone 🤗..

Thank you for the things you said to me...I’m still very iffy about doing it...and it’s been rolling around in my head since Tuesday...I keep telling myself that it will be okay..I will be okay...If I don’t at least try...I will never know...plus it will only be the odd day that my coordinator doesn’t come in....

I can’t give up on me Deebi, I did a few times and landed in hospital...I don’t want to go back into hospital..that’s a good incentive to me to try harder then I am,.

On Wednesday, when I was sitting at the park..I saw so many people together, they were happy and laughing, playing with their young children, or just sitting down and talking to each other..It made me feel happy for them..yet inside my heart was crying because I never was allowed to take my children to the park....On the occasions that I sneaked out..I had to tell my sons not to mention it to their dad..if he didn’t ask what they had done that day...

Im sitting out front talking to you..Mrs Cranky..came out front and gave me half dozen of freshly made biscuits she just cooked....She said one of her sons is coming this weekend for a visit...That was so nice of her...I haven’t seen her for a while now...I asked her if she wanted a coffee, she declined...maybe one day...

My head hurts today...Will try for an afternoon sleep later today...Mentally I’m okay...no happies..just feeling meh...which is better then being down...

My washing machine is playing music...Telling me to get up and hang the clothes outside..Gee even washing machines are bossy now...😂..okay gotta go..and hang them out..I like washing because I can sit outside and get it done..dislike hanging them, and even greater dislike bringing them in and folding them....Wish they made a machine that washes, dries and folded clothes..How good would that be🙃😂..

I hope everyone’s day is a good day..and you have some happies and light in your day...

Deebi..love and care for you...💖.please be okay...alway...so much you are in my 💭...and yadimh...awyis but wiwawyip..

Kind thoughts...Love and hugs everyone...💖🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄👼...🌜🐻🤗🌛..

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

That's the way Grandz keep over riding beastys thoughts. You will be ok you'll be more than ok. I have no doubt you're conscientious and capable. I love you're doing this. Should help you being around people too.

Have you been to darts hun. Ok if not just wondering.

It is a good incentive hun. The time I've known you always you try hard. You're amazing beautiful and so determined.

How incredibly sad having to sneak the kids out to the park. Oh Grandy. So beautiful you being happy for them 🤗

Cool Mrs Cranky came over with some biscuits. Oh thats so lovely to hear. I think about you helping her that time and having a cuppa and her being chatty. So good.

Yip meh better than down but lets get it to happy sweety. Hope you got an arvo sleep. I love them.
You're doing well getting through this BP honey, never easy is it.

😅 washing machines bossy you're gorgeous. Me too Grandz can't stand hanging it out. Big fluffy job. My love used to. I'd iron.
Now theres an invention. Haha they'd sell so well.

You always be ok too precious friend. Love you very much darlin.
You too so often in my 🗯 lysvm wiwip yAdimh pubAok gorgeous lady 🐻🤗💪

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💗🤝👀🌜💼🌛☀️🌈🌱