Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

losing motivation is so hard and it makes us feel even worse for having to struggle so. It sounds like you did great at the shop and helped Betty too. Try not to feel too downhearted. Cuddle those little dogs and feel their warmth. I think that I am going to bath mine today as they aRe looking somewhat scruffy and I fear that they smell a bit.

have a walk around your garden I am going to get back to my weeding project later today.

love tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tess,...and everyone.🤗..

Awe Deebi, Thats okay...I never started training yesterday because, Betty and myself were the only ones to turn up for work....I worked mainly out back, Betty did the shop, I went out occasionally to help her when it got to busy for her...Maybe next Tuesday I start..not too sure as yet..I’m a bit wary of learning..because I know they are having trouble with keeping the volunteers on other days...and learning that position might mean a change of days...

You’re right Deebi..the meds are for anxiety and sleeping..I had last night one...which gave me some much needed sleep...

I hope I do okay tomorrow, Looking forward to walking..but not the openness of the area...WW and inmate are both nice people..which should make it easier for me to relax...enough to enjoy the surroundings...

Next week will be busy...Tuesday at work, I do many steps and most Wednesday’s wake with headachy hip and leg..and are going on the treadmill😂..I hope my poor hip holds out okay...I think I better carry my oil can with me and use just it to oil my hip before my appointment..😂...

I enjoyed breathing with you last night..thank you..really does help to do together....

Tess I hope you get some outside time today and enjoy your weeding project...It would be easier for me to pull out the grass, due to the drought we’re experiencing.. The only green bits in my yard are weeds...and there are heaps of them...I didn’t know we had so many different types..

Love to have some pumpkin soup with you honey....most nights I eat healthy..some nights I’ll have cheese toasties..Its getting close enough to the hot weather to buy some ice cream...and chocolate topping..yummy..

I hope everyone’s day was nice for you all..

Love and care dearest bbff..💖🤗...So many little white butterflies 🦋 are flittering around my place today..peaceful watching them..Must have just hatched today..Do you have any out your way..or maybe they just in the country area.

Kind thoughts....love and hugs..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐅🐆🐩🐕🌛..💭 with 💖..

[demonblaster]

Our beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

Understandable having concerns about shifts. Grandz do you think you could discuss your concerns with them. They wouldnt want to lose you apart from being a good worker which I know you would be, you're there off your own back now.

Gee tomorrows snuck up quickly hasnt it.
I really hope you enjoy your walk tomorrow. So good hearing the inmates nice. Take it all in beautiful the trees grass smell sounds of birdies. Nice deep breaths hun. Take your time too darlin, look after your heart sweety 😊

What a relief getting a good sleep. It takes a while catching up but hopefully you'll get back on track sooner than later.

Yeah thats going to be hard on your poor hip. I know I've said but love your wording headache in the hip 😊 ouchy poor love.
Could you take some otc meds before treadmill at all.
Haha I'll top up the oil can 😄

Oh that's sweet you enjoyed our breathing. Here we go 🤝... and inn slowly nice and deep that's the way ... hold... and slowly out while thinking relax..feel your shoulders loosen ... good girl annd again innn ...

I love cheese on toast with marmite under it. Mmm.

How gorgeous the little butterflies, sometimes I've seen a heap but cant remember where. They're such a graceful creature arent they and so delicate. There's a peace about them the dainty little pretties.

Good I'm glad you're having soup. I havent done it yet but will soon.

Yum ice cream and choccy topping. Sounds like maccas sundaes.

Grandy when I took the track to get back home on the walk it took me to another lovely smaller beach. Thought of you how much you'd love it here. I really wish.

You mean so much to me and so many here and rl beautiful friend. Please please Abok.
Love you deeply dear Grandy Floss 🐻🤗

💜🎃🤝🗯💫🌜🐕🐩🐆🐶👩‍❤️‍👩🌛

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

I don’t really want the new position..I am comfortable out back sorting...If Betty wasn’t working there I doubt if I would stay....The volunteers are signing up...doing a day or so then leaving...The only day that hasn’t lost the volunteers is Tuesday...We all get along well..and we understand and respect each other’s moods...I really wish so much that I can be just left alone and do what I’m doing there...Why do things have to change if something is working good...I mean just leave it alone...Why change it anyway...

The walk went good.... my anxiety was high to start with..but settled enough for me to start relaxing a bit on the walk...behind the central town’s park, is a small bush track that goes behind the soccer field...It took about half hour all up...By now I just wanted to go home but WW and inmate wanted lunch so we bought lunch (hot chips) and WW drove to a secluded picnic spot up, half way up the mountain..The openness is something that I dislike..especially with bush all around..few bads started stirring up inside me..I managed to choof them off..by feeding a currawang (bird) that cried like a kitten...it sounded so cute..

I was so relieved when I finally got home..that a few 😢 started falling..I liked the walk and lunch..now I’m home and thinking about it...but while I was doing it..I never felt comfortable or relaxed enough to really enjoy it...Strange how that happens....is it just me? or does that happen to others as well..it’s like a delayed reaction...

How nice your walk sounds along the beach...Is that the first time you seen the smaller beach?...It really sounds a beautiful place where you live..I’m really happy that you have so much different types of terrain to walk along and you enjoy exploring it all...😂...

I wish as well Deebi...so much...😢..Please be okay...always dearest bbff...Yadimh..sss..wiwawyip..At the moment I’m awyis...Love and care deeply for you bbff...🌜🐻🤗🌛..

Kind thoughts...Love and hugs to anyone that wants.💖🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌹🦋🕊🌱🌈☀️🌷🌟...

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other lovelies ☺

You poor love. I think the best thing you can do is talk to them lovey before its too late. Tell them you're very happy and comfortable with Tuesdays and the girls that work that day.
Feel sorry you're in a dilemma hun.

The walk sounds lovely Grandz.
I think being a first time would be harder because you didnt know what was ahead. The more you go the easier I hope the nerves will be.
How amazing it sounding like a little kitty. Would have been nice feeding it. So glad the Currawong distraction choofed beasties memories. Well done darlin.

You dear love. Thats ok being emotional you were worked up and fully relaxed at home. That'll change Grandy. I believe for you it will because you're pushing past your boundaries and coming through so many. Hard but each time builds strength.
I think when we hold pain fear or strong emotions in they release when we're feeling safe and relaxed.

No my darling and I at times went to that beach, theres a few here all lovely. It's a smaller one really nice.

Todays a rest for you. I hope you got a good sleep sweety and are feeling more revived.

As much as you can darlin try and keep the happies around.

Lots of love and always heaps of 🗯
I'm off soon to see the Neurologist. Big travel day blaghh.

Have a lovely day darlin and everyone ⚘

🐻🤗💜🗯🤝💫🌜🐶🐩👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛🗝👁

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone 🤗..

I will try to talk to my boss and explain to him about my fears and concern...If I can...

I did my best on my walk..going slow and taking in everything that I could..I love birds and there were so many hanging around that area..I think because there’s not much water around here now..and there was still some in the once flowing river....it’s now more like a small creek...So many farmers are selling up..The Dams around here ..the experts are saying will be dry by March next year if we don’t get rain...It’s really bad and our water restrictions are getting more and more stricter...

The Currawaong sounded just like a kitty...soft and gentle, must have been kitties around the area..There are many feral cats in the area..maybe they had kittens..

You are right Deebi..because when I have a stressful day at work or at an outing to Specialist etc.I come unstuck when I get home... that’s okay because I try hard to hold me together while I am out...better at home in privacy instead of public..

This morning Betty rang me..and asked me if I wanted to go to the Rotary markets with her..then to Mc Donald’s for lunch...I said no.. I could hear her disappointment in her voice...so I said I will go with her...not liking the markets at all..they are busy..I walked around with her..carried her bags..she bought fruit...Then to Maccas, for coffee and scones..then back home..I drove her...She was so happy I went, I’m pleased I did..a. seeing her happiness was nice..

I hope seeing the smaller beach you went to with your love..brought you some beautiful memories...The smaller beaches..to me..hmmm..I’m probably wrong..They seem to be more natural and untouched...unlike the bigger beaches...

I’m feeling better today..I want to clean my front veranda today..it’s covered in red dust from a recent dust storm..Not being aloud to use water to wash it down..it’s going to be a dusty job..😷..but it needs doing badly....It has wooden floors...I once tried to vacuum it using my older vacuum..Oh that was disastrous..for my vacuum cleaner...Looks like it will be a broom 🧹 job...

Lots of 💭, love and care beautiful bbff..💖..🐻🤗..

I hope everyone can enjoy their weekend and have some light in your days..

Kind thoughts...love and hugs..everyone..💖🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌜🌱🕊🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hi there sweety Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies ☺

Good girl going to chat to your boss then they can make it work for everyone. No point in staying quiet cause you'll get very churned up and so much easier to say from the start. You'll be ok honeyheart.




Sounds really nice where you walked.
Excellent taking it all in I read at Shellys walking thread you really did absorb your surroundings.
I had a quick listen to a couple of birdy songs on youtube yesterday gee there are some outstanding birds. The colours are gorgeous. I like their shape they're cute.
They had a maggie but didnt hear the right sound it was of another bird in background.

Oh so good you took Betty to the markets. That was so nice Grandy you made her day and helped with her bags. Oh yeah baby and maccas mmmm.
I hope it went ok for you sweety and not to stressful around people.
Each time you go out amongst it is another step towards your goal.

What a shocker of a prospect if youse don't get rain. Geesh I'll have to get started digging those trenches for you. Good of Mr Croixy to volunteer me 😁 oh and 😂 you helping him with his collection 😄 I laughed and laughed, think he's shy to admit 😉 where would he be without us entertaining or driving him insane 😎

Ohhh dear wee kitties, maybe the Currawong was imitating them like the um ..🗯 can't think of its name that imitates noises.

Yes its so much easier to let loose in our own space isnt it. I had a lot of trouble in public after my love passed. Often cried. I prefer too at home lovey. It'll get easier Grandy love 🤗

Yes the smaller beaches are quite cozy this is really nice, the one I'm closer to is gorgeous and quite big but the other is lovely and close too.

Oh no what a job you have with the verandah poor love. Probs too late to say take it steady and have plenty of breaks. Be nice once its done. Hope you get rain.

You write well Grandy and express well too. Love your company ☺

Take good care sweetyheart.
Lots of love to you huns and care. Always 🗯

🌜🐩🐶👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌛🤝👁🎃🐻🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and lovely people 🤗..

Thank you Deebi..I’ll give it a go on Tuesday with my boss..Its hard to say though because I feel I’ll be letting him down...

I’ll have a look at the birdies on YouTube...I love their songs..it’s relaxing...and birds have such beautiful innocent eyes...Lyre birds are good at imitating different noises...I think I read before somewhere...

I don’t like being out in public and it’s starting to get to me...again on Wednesday and Thursday..if I could get out of going I would...but I can’t because WW taking me...My Cardiologist is a nice person..That makes it a little easier...

Not done much today...I walked across to the gum tree, because all the cows were bunched up their, I broke up and gave them some lettuce I had in my fridge...They ate it straight away..poor cows...then they moved on...

Its really not good out where I live..On the way to town..the bigger farms are up for sale..if the dams dry up I’m not sure where that leaves the residents of small towns...I’m a little concerned...

My veranda is around 24’by 8’..I think....It runs the width of my home..it took a while to clean, The two glass topped outdoor tables were reddy brown..so much dust..So much dust, dirt and leaves on the wooden boards..and a few spidey webs around the edges...all gone now..nice and sparkling...

It’s like holding I’m breath while I am emotional while in public and when I get home it’s a huge release of emotion instead of air... after the emotions have finished..... a nice cuppa tea..then the feeling of safety starts entering me to begin to relax me...If I could I would stay in my house always...but I know that’s impossible..

I’m feeling pretty okay today..and hopefully a long sleep tonight after my meds very soon...

I hope each of you all sleep restful tonight..

Deebi...Love and Care so much ..wiwawyip..yadimh...lysvm..💜..🌜🐻🤗🌱🕊🌛...😗☺️..

Good night lovely people..sending you all my love, care and hugs..💖🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌜💭🐻🤗👭🦋🌹🌛..

[demonblaster]

Hi gorgeous Grandy and lovely people ☺

Good on you Grandz I think it'd be harder on them if you didnt say or did later.
It's good being honest and they'll know where they stand. I reckon they'd appreciate it.

Good girl lyre bird I think is what I was trying to remember.
I'll squiz more on you tube and relaxing music for a thread sometime.

Yes I was thinking you've had some big days lately. The more you do it hopefully the easier it'll become. Good you're with people you're comfy with or like helps eh.

How nice feeding the cows they might go back there again.
It really sounds nice. Maybe you could have a go at drawing it darlin. Draw what you see.

Huge job the veranda. Well done. Bet it feels good now it's all clean.
I love the sound of your house and those stars and birdies I often think about there.

Good descript about holding your breath. Remember lovey nice slow deep breathing any time you think of it.

I hope you do have a good sleep makes the world of difference.
Good hearing you're picking up huns ☺

Hows your hip huns and heart going.

Maybe we could have another walk together soon. I hope you get back into it for your overall mental and physical health.

How are you going with the smokes darl?

Lots of love to you Mrs Grandy Floss 🐻🤗

Always by your side huns 🤝 and 🗯 heaps.

Goodnight beautiful friend 😊😙

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐩🐶🚜🛏💪⚘🎃

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

I think it’s very brave of you to plan to speak to your boss. Good practice in assertiveness 🙂

It sounds as though things are very rough for a lot of people in your area. Rain is needed...

I’m glad you feel so safe at home. I love how you feel as though you can let your emotions out, and feel a sense of security there. But I suppose, it’s also nice to get out and about, and interact with people too. A bit of both...home and interaction...

I hope you enjoyed a soothing cup of tea today 🙂

Much love to you and warm hugs,

Peppy xoxo