Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Croix]

Dear ER and All~

Yes I found the references you mentioned and can see how it might help socialization and also not getting bored. Interesting the htos cats are selected more often than others.

I did try to convince Sumo to look at the pretty fishes but was told to stop wasting his time as Mrs C always needs his assistance wiht Wordle.

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Croix and All,

Yes, I can understand how it could help cats in those situations where they are stuck in an unfamiliar room/place without much to do or look at such as an animal hospital.

I think Sumo must be above poking a paw at fishes. His excellency is far more sophisticated 😹 I'm guessing he likes to test his intelligence with Wordle.

The last time I looked after fluffy cat a few weeks ago she was just going into playful mode as I left, pushing a piece of felt along the floor hoping for some chasey time. I felt bad as I had to get going, but I did run around with her when she had the zoomies at other times. She is a 12 year old cat who sometimes reverts to kitten-like playfulness.

I hope everyone is having a lovely evening.

ER

[Moonstruck]

Dear Grandy.....you seem to be handling "pain" and your discomfort with much higher spirits than I am.  People say I will feel much better when I've had a "hip replacement"...thinking of course that this is the diagnosis.  Well last x ray etc I had said I don't need one, can't recall how long ago it was...thinking of asking for another referral from my GP as there is no end in sight for my unbearable, (making me almost suicidal) PAIN!!  I woke a week ago, no falls or injuries lately with pain 100 times worse.  I've spent all week that way...got a new walking stick that folds up so I can take away.  I am going out of town in May to look after my grandson and just recovering from another trip interstate to see other family a couple of weeks ago.  I have a lady from one of the Aged Care places come once a fortnight to vacuum, mop and do bathroom...just applying for a handyman I can call on to tidy, clean up my tiny courtyards as I can't even sweep leaves.  I am terribly depressed. I use a stick to walk from room to room in my own house now.  If and when the day comes when I can no longer drive, I shall have no incentive to keep going.  All I ask from this world is to "stop the pain".  Is that too much?

[demonblaster]

Our dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 hi everyone too 🖐

Oh deary me hun I really thought I"d responded straight away to a post a while back but oopsy apparently not. Sorry darlin to be so long responding.

Ugh doesn't sound like your'e feeling mentally to great atm. Not good way to be is it darls. You really do have quite a lot of rot on your plate Grandy love. Try as Eagle and our other lovelies here mention to be gentle with yourself 🤗 We tend to focus too much on housework or things we can't manage at the time. I say to myself it'll happen when it does.

I'm really sorry hearing that about having to train for the welfare. What a shame darls I know you were looking forward to that not long ago. Let's hope there's going to be some thing that'll allow you to still be there. 

Ouch hun the pains not easing by the sounds. Good girl having the bottles all over the place. Hope that helps the foot and yes it'd be great if you can get a cortisone in the hip. You SO need a break. It all affects eachother doesn't it, if physically we're down it affects our mh and the other way around too. Nasty business. 

I really hope things are a bit brighter at the least for you now.
That's right you're not a lover of daylight savings. I love it. Love light. I'd like to have it on in winter cause we have longer days in summer. 

It's slowly starting to cool off here which I hope for you too. We're only using the Doona cover atm but nice not to be sweltering. 

Grandz I know the other day I was feeling a bit average and apart from questioning myself why which is a distraction in itself that can be useful I also did the no this is my thoughts and I don't want or choose to feel this way. It helped. Guiding negative thoughts to postive or good memories takes a bit of work but seems to be worth it. 
Hold on there beautiful lady yes August would no doubt seem an age away but we're over half way through April already struth aye. Time fascinates me that it doesn't stop. 

Really do love and care very much about you Grandy darling. PubAok yaimh. I've missed a letter from that last one I think. 

Wishing you and everyone good days and happy thoughts 😃🤗👌💗💫🗯🌈

[Moonstruck]

Dear Grandy ....I tried to reply to you a couple of weeks ago but got word from moderators that they were making slight changes.....nothing has appeared since so it looks like my post was rejected outright.   a shame as I really wanted to share with you.   I didn't think there was anything dangerous or provoking in it....now I am really tentative about sharing anything with anyone....wish I could have shared my experience with you.....love Moon S.....xx

[Ggrand]

Hello, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Croix, Eagle Ray and everyone…..🤗🩷

Thank you all for your posts….

I finally got my iPad screen fixed properly this time…not being able to post and not being here…is like not being with family…I am grateful that now I am able to post….phone is out of the question until I get new glasses 🤓…

Mentally…Im up and down…I need a hug from my family….with this pain I’m trying to get through daily and feeling so alone with it all…..I wish that I don’t wake up sometimes….It’s every step I take…..everything is so hard it’s been going on too long…..plus I am missing my family a lot, especially at special occasion times like Easter etc….I remember when my children were young…I used to buy a chocolate rabbit for them both and would have to tell them to not let their dad know….One time one of them kept it under his pillow and after sleeping on it, it melted onto the sheets and pillow slip….The whole room smelt of chocolate 😂…Luckily like all special occasions hubby would go out alone, so I washed those sheets, dried them, remade his bed before he returned home….At that time I was a nervous wreck, but looking back on it today..it made me giggle a little…The things I done to keep my children happy, bring some normality into their lives and trying to keep the peace with hubby was an experience in itself….one I hope no one else has to ever go through….

Hi Moon, I am so deep sorry sweetheart that you’re in so much unbearable pain also…I don’t think the Drs..understand how painful we get….how can they understand if they don’t go through it…just take these pain relief tablets and you’ll feel better…yeah…not!. Moon my heart  hurts  for you….I can understand how it’s making you get suicidal thoughts…because I have been getting them also….If it wasn’t for my 2 fur girls and the fear of them not being loved or cared for….I really don’t know if I would let my thoughts become reality…

Moon, you have a beautiful family, who love and care for you tremendously, if I could take your pain away and add it to mine…I would do that in a second….Please Moon, do get another referral…It took a few xrays over the years that my Dr kept sending me for, to be told each time it’s arthritis… it wasn’t until I disclosed my s/i that my Dr took me serious and did some tests in her office then referred me to an Orthopaedic surgeon…I have to wait until August to see him….my first question will be to ask for a cortisone shot….I’m counting down the days until then..,Hang in their sweet Moon…hold my hand and we will get through this together….

I’m sitting on my front veranda doing some colouring….bit of a distraction for feeling lonely…The sun feels nice on my upper back😁..

Much love, care and hugs everyone…🩷🌹🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff ‌‌ and every lovely ‌‌

Dear girl it's very hard living in constant pain isn't it. I really hope you're able to have a cortisone sooner than later too. 
You really are doing very well in these horrid circumstances. Good on you and please keep the thoughts just as thoughts only which is bad enough poor darling ‌‌ I feel for you sweet lady. 

So pleased you have the Ipad in working order again. What a hassle. I wouldn't have thought it'd be that comfy after cracking the poor sausage ‌‌

Lovely you being on y/our verandah and colouring in good on you.I've realised and appreciate colour in our lives. How drab it'd be if we didn't have any. I like pastel & soft gentle colours although crimson is quite nice. I know you like Purple and Greens. Deendy should be there by now she left a minute ago with a Purple pen & Green too with all shades. I gave her a glitter one that you just wave in the air & think of a colour. It stays for a few minutes. Looks amazing. You can even write things as well. Nifty aye. No $ for my inventions one day maybe. Sigh I'll just keep at them it's good for the mind having distraction esp creative. 
Orange is a nice & Yellow too. 

Grandy at times I think of Leo D? the flute player. Do you still listen to that. Such a calming pure sound. I'm hearing it in my mind as we speak. I feel like I'm following that first long sound it's nice.

Ahh dear Grandy I'm family but not by blood so sweetyheart here's a beautiful warm loving hug ‌‌🤗 as often and long as you need.

😅 Love not the good parts about the Rabbits. ‌‌Well done crisis averted btw ‌‌ 
We love the tall cadbury ones. Oh yum. 
We used to get marshmallow ones. Sometimes they're around but not often. And the hollow ones.

OK my sweety nice chatting as always. So often thoughts wondering how you are. And of our time here it's pretty amazing aye. 
Glad you're back with your family here. You're very loved Grandy darlin and certainly appreciated. 

You're stronger than what Beasty brat wants you to think. You're proof of that. 

Have a beautiful day sweetyheart and everyone for that matter ‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌💫💚💜👜🦄🌞

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Grandy and Everyone 🤗

Grandy I just wanted to check in and see how you’re going and let you know I’m thinking of you. No need to respond if you’re not feeling like it. But just wanted to send you a big hug of support as I know things have been really difficult for a while.

Doing the colouring on the verandah sounds lovely. Feeling the sun on you is so good too. I hope that soothes some of the pain and discomfort, just feeling some goodness. The days here have been filled with beautiful sunshine. Yesterday I went down by the river where there is a large area of granite rock which was surprisingly comfortable to lie on and I just soaked up the sun. I was almost asleep when I heard a dog splash into the water. His owner, a nice lady, stopped to ask me if I was ok lying on the rock. I said yes, I’m just enjoying resting in the sunshine.

How are you going with the pain at the moment? And how have you been feeling emotionally? No need to talk unless you want to, but just giving you an opportunity if you do want to.

Take care Grandy, you are a beautiful soul ✨💖

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone 😊

🤗 Darlin you've been in my thoughts a lot more than usual lately which is heaps at anytime. Seriously how there's room to have more thoughts about you is beyond me...then again...🤔...having such a massive brain I guess that's how it works aye 🙄

What a beautiful post from Eagle, they all are darlin you have such a lovely way about you. You show a great deal of compassion and understanding. You too are a beautiful soul 💗

Grandy I really hope you're finding some if not a few patches of light hun in your life, well we all need that but especially when there's so much pulling you down. 
Sometimes I try to remember to practice thinking of anything at all that has in the past or would in the future give me happies. It's a good trigger. You know I think it's possible if not all that most of us have to a degree PTSD including good bits which make us happy over and over at a good thought laugh or pleasure we've experienced. 

Not sure if I told you I've been buying online or at op shops cheap beads which I"m keen to make bracelets. A kind lady gave me some and some at op shops keep an eye out which is so kind. I get a buzz just organising them with all the pweddy colours patterns etc. Might do some today 

Hun I hope you've had some more times out on the verandah I know that's a peace for you and we've here with many had such fun times there. Virtual laughs are as much fun as real life banter. Doesn't matter where it comes from it's such a good feeling isn't it and something lovely to hold onto and call on later. 

Going for a walk soon but going easy. Lately I've been doing fast ones but one foots a bit yikes not usually during but after. At times I can barely take the weight but it comes good later 

So lovely hearing the birdies singing. Not as many as where we were before tho we have some Magpies butchers & Kookaburras are amazing to hear so can't complain amidst others. 
Often think about your birds and the stars. I get a lot of pleasure imagining them. 

Love you very much Grandy. As you are doing hun please keep going and look after yourself as best you can trooper lady 🤗👍💗💜💫

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Eagle Ray and everyone….🤗🩷..

Thank you for your kind and caring posts…💜..

I have not been well the past few weeks..I’ve had a very bad cough with coughing episodes that are not doing my asthma much good along with a horrible sore throat…I don’t think it was the flue, not sure about covid no way of getting finding out or getting any type of help with Drs because none have been available…going to the hospital is not an option as it’s not a hospital as such but a stop off…..I am feeling better now and hope that soon it will all pass….still getting a lot of coughing but throat and voice are back to near normal…😁…enough that I went to work yesterday for the first time in a couple of weeks…

Haven’t done much of anything over the past few weeks, except lay around in bed or on the lounge…one thing I have noticed is that my leg/hip/back isn’t as sore when I’m waking around my house, so maybe I needed to lay around to give them a break…my heel still hurts on walking though…I have so much washing to do along with other chores…my dogs really made use of my sickness and enjoyed free run of the house😁…for once I’m pleased it didn’t rain😂…anyway I’ll clean and wash in my own time. Still very bodily tired…

I hope everyone has been and is feeling good both physically and mentally….

Love, hugs and care to you all…🩷🤗🌹🌈.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..