Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone..🤗..

Paws..I feel a bit ashamed about my phone appointment, your probably right..that something went wrong on her end..it’s just this happens so much to me..with no contact or reason why...It would only take a few seconds to ring me or msg me and say they need to cancel....
I tried years ago to clip my fur babies nails...I accidentally hurt her..so now I’m afraid to do it again...with being mainly inside dogs there claws are really sharp....I did read that another way is to file them back...with sand paper...I don’t think that would work either.😂...If I hear all the banging, crashing and some swearing I’ll know where it’s coming from..Good luck sweetheart...and I hope woofer doesn’t trample you to much..

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...That’s okay about replying I know you read and when you can is okay..I still don’t have nbn as yet, I’ll wait until the last minute until I switch over..I have heard bad things about it....

I had to mow my lawn again....that’s twice in 2 weeks...wow it grows quickly..I felt it much easier mowing with the asthma puffer..I’m wondering now how long I had asthma without knowing it..

I’m doing okay..few sads popping through every so often..nowhere like before.. I feel very lonely but I’m okay...it’s going to be a cold night tonight down to 5 deg...I think I’ll give me some care and have a nice warm bubbly bath...and after I figure out and have dinner...I might lay in bed and watch the Ten Commandments until Sleep takes me...

Tomorrow is Easter, might have to come to yours tomorrow and sneak some 🍫 🥚 from yours.I haven’t got any here.hmm did I mention I love you bbff...Well I do, even if you have no chocolates...👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🐻🤗...

Happy Easter Everyone and I hope you can all enjoy it, know matter who your with or not with...

Sending my care, love and hugs to everyone...💜🤗🦋..Not Just printed words..They come from my heart to all you beautiful peoples..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🦄👼..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Oh lass I'm sorry I worded what I was trying to say badly, I didn't mean to make you feel bad about feeling hurt because your Psych didn't ring. I was trying to warn you not to listen to beasty. I know how hurt I can feel when people do what your Psych did & I know how quickly beasty can start telling me it must be my fault or that i don't matter. I was worried beasty might set you thinking bad of you & I wanted to give you other reasons why she didn't call. I am really sorry lass. Oh I hope this makes more sense than what my last post did.

Sending you hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws 🐾..

Please don’t apologise. It wasn’t your post that made me feel that way...it was me..I was thinking about me..maybe a bit of self pity and that’s what I’m ashamed of...I don’t like self pity at all..and I think over the past week I’ve been feeling some....I did understand what you were saying..and you said nothing wrong sweetheart....Usually I don’t worry about cancelled appointments and theirs been heaps...I felt I needed to talk to someone...which I really did/do need to and then I couldn’t..

Im sorry if I worded my post wrong and I hurt you...That’s something that I never want to do is to hurt people especially on here by posting wrong words...

I hope your okay Paw 🐾.....I value you and your supportive words so much....

Much love dear Paws 🐾..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Paws 🐾 and all 👋

Thanks Grandy love yes I do read. I was going to reply earlier today wish I did but had to charge this.

I sent that last post last night it's a royal pain posting on the mobile mines still a good ph but unbelievably slow.

Heartbreaking that you're lonely. We'd be so happy if things were dif 🤗😢 hope honey that's what we do have and that in itself can be seen as light.

I'm sorry lovey I'm of no support to you tonight but in 💭 you're there 120% daily precious.

Another headaches coming on Seriously had it with them, achey in parts and exhausted but ok apart from that.

Just wanted you to know I'm ok sort of and mentally mostly ok.

Grandz no matter how hypo the bloody exhaustion still goes for it.

Lot's I'd like to reply about here so will be back honey. I know you're cool about it and understanding but soz darling.

Love you very deeply honeyheart.

Sleep well beautiful you really are doing incredibly well 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🔥

👀🤕🙃👍🤝💗

[demonblaster]

Grandz gorgeous 🤗 hi everyone ☺ Happy Easter darling friend 😚 we absolutely loved 😍 your fantasy gift you're a classic lady.

Mine will be incorporated in your 🎁 boyo taking a while but a few bits in my mind 👩‍🎓

Are the extra long rolls of loo paper like the ones in the supermarket loos?
Hear ya darl the bloody panic buying leaves nothing for others. Did you know Coles 👍unsure of others have a community hr from 7-8 a.m certain days. For pensioners disabled etc. Need your pension card.

Honey last nights news said the isolation may only be about 3 more mths. I'm thinking they might be closer to a vaccine cause otherwise the spread would increase again. Bit of light for everyone.

So hard for you lovey 🤗.. most people shopping are focused on what they want. There's no obligation to chat/look at people as you probs avoid and that's ok. Focus too only on what you're doing sweetheart. Similar to breathing, not thinking of anything else. I feel very sorry for you and people feeling so anxious. In time as you've been slowly building up, you'll I believe get through that dear lovely. Difficult but the more thought gets the nerves on edge. Maybe focus on the goods like finally yay some bog paper, out of the house for a bit etc🕊

Coherently sounded good to me. True it's so hard at times to make sentences & expressing you realky doing so well.

awesome for tess hi darl having her son over Easter 😁🥚

Yip PTSD & BP too at the drop of a pin can take us down so fast.
Good girl definately need to look for anything that gives/has in the past pleasure.

How are you going gorgeous hoping so much you're continuing to pull up. It's slow and beastly hard. Every good sleep builds our 🏋️‍♂️

Daghh so many broken promises 😐 when you're up to do you think an email asking if youse can make a new date. Sweety as you know you need this. It's a gentle way not complaining or having a go at anyone for self care.

True & one of probs a few goods re chillies is they release endorphines.

Anytime beautiful for a visit I'll make sure I have plenty of fresh crisp candle..👀 for delete button 🍎 for you. 🗯 must lock up the liquor stash Grandy thinks Paws and Katyhamster have them te he 🤔 cape on...rides off into 😲... a fence...🤕

Love you deeply Grandz.
Nigh nite gorgeous. Peace 😴 in your sleep wished

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🥚👩‍🎓🕊🤝💭🙃

😅 Hi Katyhamster..I left a couple of crumbs from the delish drizzle 🍰

Interesting birds on the same spot. ? best view for predators.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone ...🤗..

The extra long rolls are from Woolworths, no where near as long as those in the restrooms...The ones I buy are 3 ply, double length rolls..there’s only me here and they last me a while.....I have no choice but to go to the shops this week, because I’m running out of meds...I can maybe go early to Woolworths then wait somewhere quiet until the chemist opens..

Thank you about letting me know about maybe only 3 months..I haven’t watched tv for a while now..nor the radio..which doesn’t have good reception...

Im doing okay, yes went down so quickly..spilling the calamine lotion, took me back to physical and emotional abuse..when something similar happened years ago...I can’t remember much about last week, yet memories of years ago, are so easily awakened....

I have given up on any help from a psychologist..To many let downs..make me feel not worthy of their help..I think it’s best for me to not rely on their help....then I won’t be let down anymore...I was suppose to start DV councilling next month..thats been cancelled as well..maybe I’m not supposed to get well, maybe this is who I am and it how I’m supposed to stay...

Deebi..Please never think your of no support to me..or anyone else reading for that matter...just calling in and even just saying hello..warms my soul...

I hope your heads feeling better Deebi...Headaches are horrible...Dr. Grandy advises you to have a nice shower, a few pieces of chocolate, a sit in the sun and then a good sleep....To be taken once a day until headache 🤕 has gone..Love you Deebi, and 💭 are constant 24/7...💜🦋🕊🌱..Bpaly...SSS..yadimh...hope one day (🦄👼) = 🏠= 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩.

Um I hope the bunnies 🐇 didn’t leaves your place in too much of a mess.

Sending my love, care and hugs to everyone .🦋💜🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🦄👼🌹🐾🍫🥚..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Oh lass you're sounding so low. I wish I could come to yours & wrap you up in a big comforting hug.

You are worthy of others help!!!! If others fail to provide that help, the fault is with them not with you.

I think the lovely Deebi's idea that you send your Psych an email mentioning the missed appointment & asking for a new appointment is a good idea. It's easier than trying to ring & is a gentle reminder to them.

It sounds like a good soak in a bubble is called for. I'm sure your furs would enjoy sharing the bubbles with you.

Here's another big huggily hug

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Paw 🐾....Hiya Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and all...🤗..

I can’t email or ring them..I don’t know either..My Dr. must have organised the appointment with her..The first I knew of it was when the psychologist reception rang me to let me know of the appointment time.....I think she works out of the bigger town...but I’m unsure...It’s okay Paws, Last year and the year before were continued broken appointments...from psychologist’s they come for a few weeks.... the towns too small..not enough $ made, so they leave...same with mental health nurses..they just don’t stay...I really don’t feel up to going over everything again with the psychologist then she ups and leaves....

I think the DV councilling will be better able to help me with me...I only hope that once they continue services again, I won’t be over looked....

I had a really nice warm shower, needed the relaxation of water falling on my head..it’s so soothing...

Would love a real life hug...Haven’t had one for a long time..and I miss the feeling of warmth, that goes into my soul and the security they give me...I would think a lot of people are missing hugs from their friends and family since covid took over our lives..

I found a free mindfulness course, I’m going to try and start soon...there’s no signing up or time limit....it’s straight off the net..and their are 8 weeks of material to get through..It might help me to get out of my head more then I am...and it doesn’t matter how long it takes me...

My furs might get a bubble bath tomorrow if I feel up to it..I got to catch them first..once they are in there fine it’s getting them in that’s hard...

I hope everyone has a good night tonight and a great day tomorrow...

My Care, love and hugs to everyone..🦋💜🤗...much love to you Paw 🐾 and all..💜..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...🕊🌱🦄👼....

L💜ve y🤗u deeply bbff over the 🌍 and back....

[demonblaster]

Beeuudiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hiya/z 😊

Thx about the rolls if we're near a Woolies can suss them.

Good idea going early I'd check their opening times hun so you don't land there without anything open.
I'm not sure if Woolies are doing the community hr Grandz you might have sussed it already.
You'll be ok Grandy you really are way stronger than what you give yourself credit for my love

Counteracting beastys rotten thoughts/memories with positives gives [IT]x less time to damage us. We have more room in our heads with a little light opposed to all dark and extreme pain.
You poor love 🤗 it's SO wrong!
Some promise My Bbff is there's good hope for recovery with ptsd.

Each night and ? day you're getting more sleep and more strength. When the time comes you'll I hope be in a better headspace for shopping. Remember gorgeous beasty lies and wants us to go down..we don't!..so if we don't accept or react it has nothing to feed on and grow bigger. Easy said I know but anything worthwhile is worth the practice.

A thought when a bad thought comes in they say acknowledge it then.. trying to think back to Mindspot.. I think it's something positive but there's more

Wow be interesred knowing how the free "no time limit" course goes. I'd recommend to anyone Mindspot I know you found it good too. They suggest wisely to do it when we're in better headspace. I wasn't for most so need to do again.
No time limit's good but then it's not bad cause we may not finish it otherwise. I think an extra 2/3 wks would've been easier.
Keen to hear how it goes huns 💜

Whacked isn't it about last week not remembering.
See we've had the deeply painful memories for several yrs then reinforced over again by ptsd.

You have every reason to feel de/re/jected Grandy love it's Bloody poor form!
Another way around it could be talk to GP. She might chase it up for you.
Beastys saying you're not worthwhile. You reallly are gorgeous lady please believe us ☺

Thanks hun yip majorities gone 🤕 but in background sometimes popping up grr.

And for your lovely post elsewhere gorgeous lady. Love you more than you could imagine you're a great person & friend.

So many lovelies here it renews a lot of hope doesnt it. You're totally one of them my girl 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗😚🗯👀🕊🤝

Ps; packed 🐇 bags with their mess, popped on their backpacks sent them back into y/our 💼😍.. 😅 31st floor is your place isn't it 😂

Hope = 🦄👼=🏠=👩‍❤️‍👩 = ☀️ & 😀🕊

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I'm chuckling at the mental image of you trying to catch your furs for their bath when they don't want to be caught. Especially as they are small enough to slip between or under things to get away.

You are so good with getting your mowing done, I'm still thinking about doing it here. I think I need to take a leaf out of your book & try to set myself a bedtime & make myself keep it. Then hopefully I will be awake enough to do things during the day.

Have you started the mindfulness course? I'm interested in finding out what you think of it, once you've done some.

My attempts to cut Woofa's nails continues... he is winning... even in his sleep he knows when I pick the clippers up & he hides his paws under himself. He is not even falling for me trying to bribe him with treats. I'm being outwitted by my dog.... how embarrassing....

Huggily Hugs

Paws