Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin/s 🤗

What an awful way to wake up Grandy love I'm very sorry you went through that. I have been a bit lately too I think mines sleep apnoea getting the pump up but breathing through. Hope you got sleep ok last night after all. Great the nurses were ok about it. So glad they're lovely and caring that'd make it so much easier in your hard times darl.

Hope you get to go to your Red rock again today and do some of your meditation to your safe place with the sun peace and quiet with the beautiful Birdy melodies chirping the bees on the flowers, sun draping gently over every surface radiating a glorious light reaching your beautiful soul and Golden heart sweety friend giving you a feeling of calm and peace.

Breathe deep and gently sweety that's the way take my hands, lets do it a few times together good girl and out saying relax.

Keep as many good thoughts happening honey to crowd out beasties rot.

Darlin I made you an amazing bubble.. its a whopper.
From a centre point there's multiple different coloured laser rods going right out to the edges at all angles...its incredible Grandy... so pretty and look floating around amongst them are the most beautiful glitter stars that drift right to the edge then burst open leaving a spray of coloured dotted lights that so gently float down...Oh wow look... in the bottom of the bubble the dotted lights have created a message.

It's in the shape of a Purple 💜 It says I deeply love appreciate and believe in you Grandy.
You'll get through this because you're strong brave and resilient.
Thank you for being such a beautiful friend with a massive heart 🤗

🌜✨💑💜🤝👀💗🌛

Have beautiful days people.

Mandy thanks for invite I'm always in on stargazing ✨🤗🌹

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Amanda, Peppy, Tess and Everyone,

Thank you all for being here, and just being the persons you all are..

Im coping with Mindspot, no I didn’t tell them here about it....but I did tell Mindspot I’m in hospital for a week or two...they haven’t gotten back so I’m figuring it’s okay if I keep up with the course..

Im missing my fur babies so much..and home...

No.today I stayed in my room.....Didn’t feel up to going out....Not sure if it’s the new ADs they started me on but just not feeling good....mentally at all.....thoughts...emotions...etc are running riot....The Psychiatrist also put me on antipsychotic meds for sleeping? I’m unsure if I want/need them....but while I’m here I have to take...

Oh Deebi, your meditation theme, of the big red rock is so perfect..😁 it really is a peaceful spot, I’m hidden from everyone and everything when I sit there....

Deebi, the bubble was amazingly beautiful and peaceful..Thank you so very much..it made me feel loved, cared for and special..Thank you very much for you..

I have tomorrow off ..no drs groups etc.....However a talk therapy session with 2 psychiatrist on Monday afternoon...So not looking forward to that...

Im going to imagine that I’m sleeping in that amazing long bubble tonight with all the different coloured laser rods and just lay down and watch them...

Thank you Deebi,..for a perfect gift.....Love you very much..🌜🦄💜👼💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🤗💜🕊💜🌛..

Goodnight Everyone, I hope you sleep peaceful tonight and wake with some light..

Love and hugs...💜💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼....🕊..

[demonblaster]

Hey darlin 🤗 as many as you need and if anyone else would like a big hug 🤗

Poor thing your emotions all over the shop and what you're going through the change of enviroment different people going deep into pain missing your beautiful fur buddies honey it's understandable you being emotional.

Hope you can keep going to Red rock glad you liked it ☺ and feel some peace there 🕊🐧

😊 how lovely you're going to lay in your long laser bubble, and SO unbelievably comfy just like you were saying when we're on our lake floating on cloud chairs on Destarbi 🎇

Darling shall we do some breathing... 🤝... maybe everyone here might like to join us...in nice and slowly through the nose at a steady pace nice and deep that's the way annnd out slowly saying internally relax... repeat a few times. Well done little chickadees. 🐥

Get plenty of calming rest tomoz lovey sounding like a big day Monday and you'll get through that like you are Grandy with courage grace and stamina.

You're an inspiration to many dear friend.

Nigh nite sweety oh and no I never feel obliged absolutely love our time and talking ☺

Lots of love and care so much about you darl PUBAOK too.

🌜💑🤝💜🦄🕊🌱🎇🌛

[Tess2]

Hi Grandy,

i hope you have a restful sleep and enjoy your free day tomorrow. Don’t think about Monday till it comes. I am sure you miss your home and puppies a lot, so,let’s hope that this experience helps you to be able to enjoy it all the more when you go home. Do what you can to make the most of it all. I hope you will be ok. My thoughts are with you.

tess

[startingnew]

Hi Little Angel

Im just popping in to leave some fresh flowers for your room. Hoping today was ok for you

🌹🌼🌻🌷💐💖🦋🌈🌺💜😘😘

[Lee lee 73]

Hello gorgeous lady,

Thinking of you dear Grandy. I hope you are going ok my dear friend. So sorry for not popping in earlier 😔.

Sending you big warm hugs 🤗🤗 and ❤❤ ...peaceful thoughts.

Lee

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Tess. Starts and all..

Today was a free day..I just hung around my room, slept a lot, walked to my big red rocks sat for a while, watched a train go by 29 carriages...the track is not far, it’s only about 5 minutes from my room, it’s at the bottom of a deep slopey hill.. I’m on top of it.....

Im trying hard to put my fur babies out of my mind, but they are a constant worry...I want to ring Betty to ask her to check on them. but Betty is fragile and afraid of my neighbour...They must think I’ve abandoned them..poor Kay and Ebony, they would feel the same as us when our dogs wander off and can’t gind there way home....We cry for them....are my two crying for me.?

Im so nervous about tomorrow..There will be two psychiatrists at the same time as a mh nurse and me...These two psychiatrists scare me.they are all suited up and here I am dressed in crappy street clothes and looking a wreck...hmmm..How do I know they won’t judge me or talk bad about me after I leave the room .I know they are not supposed to but my psychologist did once then she kept canceling.....I don’t want to remember or talk about things.... I don’t them to know and think bad of me.I don’t want to cry because my eyes and head hurts....I have to be strong..and try hard not to cry....

Nurse comes around soon with night meds...

Good night everyone, I hope you all sleep good sleeps and dream good peacefully dreams....tomorrow is a new day for all of us..wishing you a day full of light and some peace...

Love and hugs everyone 🤗🤗💜💜...Thank you all very much for your encouraging words, kindness and care...

Deebi....Thank you for breathing with me and all of us together...L👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Ve Y💜u deeply dearest friend...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🦄💜👼..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy and hi all ☺

I'm glad you've had plenty of sleep today darlin and that you got to Red rock you like it there don't you and get some peace. 29 carriages that's a long train.

I'm really sorry a psych talked and downed you that's SO wrong. If they're in the job for the right reasons which I feel where you are is the case then they wouldn't at all think poorly of you, it'd be opposite their hearts would go out to you and they'd understand and care not degrade you sweetheart. You so deserve to be treated with the utmost respect which it sounds like is happening from what you've said of the lovely nurses.

What you're going through hun it'd be incredibly hard surfacing such deep pain and soo much you poor darling. Sweety this is a safe place to free those mongrel demons, release beasty and learn how to work through the pain which is way too much to do alone. You're being looked after I feel happy about that for you beautiful lady. I know and feel for you missing beautiful Kya and Ebony they know how much you love them hun and they you. Won't be too long and you'll be with them honey. I'm sorry you're hurting so much 💗

Darlin it's ok to be nervous, you're walking hard ground and re opening pain. Please believe you can do this Grandy, you can you've survived incredible pain for pretty much your whole life, now it needs to be released. You're never alone. We're right here with you 🤝💜

Sweety I know it hurts your head and eyes crying you darling lady but 🤗 maybe let that pain out dear friend I won't leave u till you fall asleep ok ☺ I'll gently use the cotton wool soaked in a nice cool fresh solution and dab your eyes just relax darlin breathe nice and deep with me honey. You're going too be ok Grandy you're way stronger than what you think.

I've lit a nice Vanilla scented candle and put Birdy sounds in the background. You're safe darling 🤗

Oh lovey I'm sorry at mine you said you were a bit emotional I didnt acknowledge oh Grandy I so much want you to be better.

Always love you very much and here for you
All the best for tomorrow honey. Let it all out darlin 🤗

🌜💑💜🤝🕊👀👂🏻🌛

[Peppermintbach]

Hi gorgeous Grandy (and a wave to all),

A gentle hug from me. Of course you’re missing your beloved fur babies. I know they must be missing you too, but at least they have each other, so they’re not completely alone...

Maybe you can use thoughts of reuniting with your fur babies as extra motivation to do all you can in your power to make the most of your hospital stay. I feel non-human animals tend to be very attuned to their human friends, so wouldn’t it be fantastic if they reunited with you in vastly improved spirits?

Oh Grandy, I know you’re feeling vulnerable, and you’ve had some bad experience with psychs in the past. It’s no wonder you’re nervous about meeting the 2 psychiatrists.

I wonder if it would help to approach it almost with a matter-of-fact mentality. As in, maybe try to take the focus away from whether they might judge you (or not), and re-orient your thinking of your psychiatrists as simply people who have a job to complete (help people there), and a duty of care. I suppose what I’m getting at is maybe thinking of your psychiatrists with an almost clinical detachment will help manage your fears of judgment. Sorry, I’m not trying to sound cold, but I’m trying to think of ways to maybe help you feel less frightened...

In any case, if they do judge you or make uncalled for comments. That would reflect more on their own unprofessionalism and character flaws than anything about you personally 😉

Thank you for the love and hugs, and I’m offering some gentle hugs to you in return...

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[monkey_magic]

Hi Grandy,

Have just caught up from your last post sweetheart. Street clothes vs suits, sweets its only superficial. It's what's inside that person that matters and please don't underestimate your intelligence, life experience and charitable giving nature it can help u in spades. The universe knows who we are and karmic forces are in action. The meek inherite the earth remember.

I'd be so happy to know u r healing all those lifetime wounds hun.

I'm also in hospital taking medication. Time to clear up our mental health lady. We've got this 🙂

Best wishes xox