Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Thank you for hopping in to say hello, oh Deebi, I can't sleep without my beautiful pillow slip it smells of lavender and the embroidered hearts, 💜💜.are sweet,

My day was okay Deebi, I kept busy, today, walking 🚶 yes I done my block 😂..lol I walked around my block....then sitting outside in the sun and reading some self help books, and here, and puzzles.

Astrology? Yes Deebi the masteress...🙃..Peppy will love the stars, I think Peppy is a nature girl...

Thank you honey, I'll never tire of you either Deebi, 💜never, I'm scared you will because I can be so predictable, I notice that a lot..

Oh yummy. Pumpkin 🎃 soup...yours is so creamy...maybe I will have a bowl for breakfast...

I'll sleep over yours tonight if that's okay, special lady..I know your spare bed is more comfy then my air bed....wait...I need...to..get...my 💼..and look for...were did I ...put it..ahh..yep I got ...it..🏗 now...a little ..more higher..and here it is...🚜..had to park it in my 💼, I didn't want it to get snowed on.....I'll be there in a jiffy...vroom..vroom. 2 sec later I'll be there.

Deebi, thanks so much for you love and care and just being here with me.....I hope your day was good...tomorrow your out with friend..enjoy it big time..

Love you Deebi, 💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩,

good night sleep well lovelies..🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy...xx

[smallwolf]

Grandy,

I'm back.

On the sleep stuff... except for the warm bath I have done everything that was given to me and it has "worked". I don't drink coffee after 4pm. My bed is a place for sleep. Try to go to bed at the same time each night. My ADs make me sleepy also. When I go to bed, I will do a puzzle and meditation and then sleep. But if I ever did wake up, and I was smart enough, I would go out and read until I was tired. But before I started seeing the psychiatrist I would start at the ceiling and clock. Which I do not do now! Staring at a clock is also bad. Because you can see the time passing, and you are not asleep.

And if I don't sleep well, that obviously has an effect on me the next day, either short, grumpy, irritable, etc.

I am trying to look after myself. I should put this into my own thead. I saw GP today about last blood tests. Everything is "OK". Ferritin level are medically classed as moderate (but higher than healthy range). So another blood test today. Next Monday have ultrasound on abdomen. May require another specialist. But that can be cancelled if need be. Will work out the time of that after next Monday. Vitamin B12 was actually OK. It is the active B12 that is important and that was fine. Will keep you updated.

Going to have coffee with wife after church on Sunday. So that we can plan the next phase of my/our lives, so to speak given current situation. That is with this possible other job, current job, my health etc.

Just as an aside, if there are the high iron levels, the fix for this is regular (not sure of length of period) blood letting. Whether then can use the blood or not? And this part does not bother me. I was telling another student at college today about this and getting a blood test. I told him that I watched the needle go in, and watched the blood escaping into the tube. And was calming to me. When my GP told me about the blood letting, I told her similar. Not funny 😞 But I told then told her that I had to find some upside in all of this.

That's me,

Tim

[Ggrand]

Hello Smallwolf,

Thank you very much for your help with Sleep, that's something that I certainly will try, but from tomorrow night...Is a cuppa tea okay after dinner? If your not sure that's okay...It's just that I look forward to a cup of tea before bed.....I wake each morning at around 6am, by alarm, I set it so I can see the sunrise, some days I'll just go back to sleep but most mornings I watch it..so if I wake at 6am I should go to bed st 10pm...okay I'll start tomorrow and see how I go...I'm really grateful for your help..and do appreciate it..🌹..

I knew someone who had to High iron levels, she had to have "blood letting" taken out, every two weeks, I'm not sure if they recycled it or not, I never asked her...

I hope you have a Lovely time on Sunday with your wife, that's so special I think coffe together....,makes me a little 😢...I also wish you the world of luck with what you decide on your future ventures..

Sleep deeply and dream sweetly, xx

Peace and Wellness for our lives , Tim..

Grandy..

[Speak Your Truth]

Hello Grandy,

A few days ago I confessed about problems putting up frames, posts that both you and Birdy replied to.

Well now I have something really important I want to say - I think it was one, maybe two of my posts that triggered your very tough time over this last week or more. I really can’t find the words to tell you how very, very sorry I am Grandy and I want to offer you my most profound apologies. I AM VERY, VERY SORRY GRANDY. It was very thoughtless and insensitive of me that I didn’t think to put a trigger warning on my posts.

You are such a sweet, generous, kind and caring person Grandy. You are also intelligent and much stronger than you know - we on this forum can all tell that about you. I know you find that hard to believe, but so many people here say the same or similar things to you and I hope that one day, one day soon, you will be able relax enough to let a little bit of that knowledge shine through and get a bit stronger every day - just like when the sun starts to peek above the horizon at sunrise, and that warm glow becomes a big shining ball of light.

You are in my heart Grandy 💗

Cala

[Guest_1584]

hi grandy.

l've been working on my sleeping too a few weeks now, but l'm use to doing it , it's an old cycle of mine from way back.

But l've always tended to go through the night because l love the night so it's a bit different. So every 6mths or so l have get myself back onto my 6-8 hour plan. or l start looking like a druggo.

l simply start going to sleep again at 11 or 12, few nights in and l'll switch back to nodding off and over a wk or so to waking at 6 or 7. l'm back up to 6-7 hours again now.

tea hypes me up but l do love a coffee, go figure. l can go to sleep after a coffee. my daughter found a new study saying sometimes coffee will help a coffee person sleep, go figure. so tea might with you. the way you tell is if your mind relaxes into sleeping later, if it starts racing it's probably the tea but if not , your good. 4am now l've just had coffee feel relaxed again can't wait to go back to sleep now, go figure.

A big factor for me is waking up early, 6.30 7. n not letting myself go back to sleep so if u love 6am keep it. you've gotta be tired again at night you see, that helps you drop off, Also l can't go too early, or l'll just wake up later, so 11.30 12, once l get use to sleeping again l'm tired buy then and l'll start sleeping straight through again after a wk or so. And ueah roughly same time , a pattern , starts to work after awhile,

Ny ex could never sleep so she was always going early because she was always tired. l said try staying up till 11 or twelve, even if eyes hanging out of head , then go to sleep. after about a week she started sleeping right through first time in years,

good luck.

rx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely Grandy and all,

Waking every hour sounds horrible. The trigger must have been very bad. It’s clearly unsettled your emotions deeply...

I like how you’re being gentle on yourself and trying things like meditation to hopefully calm the mind. Maybe some of Tim’s thoughtful suggestions will come in handy...

On another note, I feel despite how you may feel, of course your best is good enough. Please don’t let Beasty tell you otherwise; Beasty is notorious for whispering horrible things in our ears. Your best effort is absolutely good enough...

Ah, all in good time. I know you’re so used to saying yes. Conditioned to say yes so understandably standing your ground and saying “no” would be very hard. Maybe you could practice with something small...just a gentle idea... I admire your determination to one day be able to say no.

I’m pretty sure DB will never tire of you 🙂 Nevertheless, you’re always welcome to use my right shoulder for a cry.

I’m very pleased to hear you’re making good use of the new pillows and have been enjoying my assorted picnic basket treats. I’ve added more today on DB’s thread.

Sending reassuring hugs and love and care,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Cala,

Im so very sorry, I've only just seen your post to me...

Please believe me when I say that your posts did not trigger me, I was triggered and struggling before I read and answered those posts...I will admit to you that I was very sad for you when I read them and also yes I had a fleeting memory of my past but it didn't effect me at all. 🌹💜.

Cala, These threads are here for people to reach out for help, most of us are here for that reason , and also we try to help those who reach out..There are triggers that will at times effect you, me, others, here on the forums, we need to be self aware of these..If I start reading something I can usually tell if I should stop reading and let someone else reply..I have stopped at times, or sometimes I can reply to let them know that they have been heard and are cared for, then move on.. Also Cala trigger warning, I still read because I don't know what the trigger warning is for until I get to that part.

I feel terrible Cala I don't know what to say to you except that you did not and definitely did not trigger me at all..I'm really concerned about you now, please come back here and let me know that you are okay, I have a feeling I know how your feeling and believe me there is no reason to feel that way..

Thank you so very much for your very kind words, I don't know how to reply here....My words are stuck. I'm sorry..

Kind and caring big hugs and bigger cuddles Cala, you really so much deserve them,,,

Love,

Grandy.......xxxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Randomx,

Sleep we all need it, a lot of us seem to struggle with it...I was thinking this afternoon and just now.. 10pm is too early to go to bed I think, I've not been closing my eyes until around 1-2-or 3am...I think this will take some time to get into a routine for a sleeping hygiene......especially when sometimes I try to sleep all day to give me some peace from my negative thoughts..

I love a cuppa tea after dinner, . I love coffee but it gives me heartburn, so I have to unlike it ...although I can have the coffee flavoured milks..

I do meditation first then if I still can't sleep I will have music playing all night on the sbs tv station, because its audio only the room is dark, and down low it takes away the extreme quiet here as I've for some unknown reason developed anxiety of a night...only a few weeks now, I'm hoping this will go away...

Anyway, tonight I'm trying 12pm to shut eyes for the night, 6am wake up.. ..

Hope you start getting a sleep pattern going Randomx..

Kinds and caring thoughts...Oh and a hug🤗..

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Peppy,

The trigger was very bad Peppy, I woke up and had images, thoughts of when I was nursing my hubby in the bed I am sleeping in. The bed and bedroom still I can't go in..

Beasty can be very annoying Peppy at times, but I'm learning to shoo...Shoo...choof...him now....I will one day say no..I'm really trying to say say no, when I'm told to do the crappy jobs at work like ironing or vacuuming, they should be shared..so maybe not this Tuesday or the next but one Tuesday I will say no. and not change my mind after a few seconds..

I hope Deebi doesn't tire of me, I feel I can be very repetitive or boring at times...I don't have a very good vocabulary mines very limited...

Those pillows, last night I took to Deebi's place and put on my Lavender pillow slip and gave Deebi one,,I had a better sleep then I have for a while..Tgank you very much my gentle friend..

Yummy, I better go see what you added to the picnic basket...thank you Peppy for your kindness and time,

Kind and caring hugs..🤗🤗..Oh..and a 👘 House coat, so you can sit back and relax this weekend...

Take care of you Peppy.💜..

🌹💜Grandy..

[Speak Your Truth]

Grandy you are SO lovely 😍

About your post today above starting “Im so very sorry, I've only just seen your post to me”
Ok, I read and hear and accept what you say that my posts didn’t set you off to such a terrible time Grandy. You have eased my guilty conscience considerably, so please don’t be concerned about it anymore. Can we both please let this go now, and as with other hard things in our lives we must move on and leave stuff behind.

Grandy on your thread today you say 1. “don't have a very good vocabulary” and on my thread on the 19th you said 2. “not much good at giving advise” and 3. “but I have a big shoulder and a lot of love and care to give out”

So in reply to those things I have to say I am amazed you think that because the way I see you ...

1. Your vocabulary is fine, I see absolutely no problem at all. You write so creatively and with such imagination - it’s truly inspiring, not everyone can do that,

2. You really do give wonderful, genuinely caring, logical, sensible advice, and

3. To have that big shoulder and so much love and care to give out is really, very, very special - not everyone can do that either, and the way you do it is such an incredibly valuable, awesome talent to have, and it comes from your heart ❣

Can you please try to meditate on all this and all the super special feelings so many people on this forum have for you - let all the positive vibes flow gently over and around you like a silk scarf or a soft breeze on a warm spring day.

You are a special woman Grandy, no doubt about that at all - now it’s time for me to say to you “please believe me”

I saw on the ‘Loneliness’ thread that you are looking for ideas about what you can do in the evenings ... I have a couple of suggestions that I will post on that thread in reply to your post over the weekend sometime. That way it may give other people looking at that thread some ideas too.

It’s getting late now and my pillow is calling - I need to answer it’s call to me.

I hope you are able to put your new plan for sleep 😴 into action tonight and wake up to see the sunrise 🌅 in the morning feeling rested

Goodnight Grandy. Sleepy 😴 💤 time for me, and you too soon I hope. 💜 Cala