Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Cala, Pepper,

Please don't feel awful, or say your sorry, you have nothing to be sorry about..💚..

Tomorrow I have my blood test, and mhm appointments both early morning before vinnies...Darts was today I went and I'll keep going, maybe 🤔 after a few more times I might feel more comfortable...

Ahhhh the wet box thanks a Deebi, I'll feed my 🍊 🌲 tomorrow after work with some...I am so pleased you never fell in ....If you do there are plenty of trampolines on each level...to bounce back up with your parachute...😅🤣...you need the glasses 👓 and 🎣 line and I will put a 💡 in soon...😁..love our time Deebi..

Deebi, thank you for being proud of me....I wish I felt the same about me...Take good care of you Deebi..👀👂and most importantly 🤝...super glued...

Cala...My eurobed isn't really that comfortable, but it's better then the lounge, I need to be able to go back to bed...

No I didn't get snow here, but we got a lot of sleet, and that really icy fresh clean air..that comes with sleet and snow...Thank you for thinking of me, you also stay rugged up and warm Please Cala..🌹🤗.. I hope your doing okay, I know your struggling as well..Look after yourself....

Peppy, Thank you very much for your kind and gentle words, and thank you also for the extra goodies for our co- owned picnic basket..every thing you stock it with I love..especially the chips..Peppy, I hope your okay, I do find myself being concerned about you..🌹..

Good night everyone I'm unusually tired tonight, sleep well and I hope tomorrow you all have a good day.,.and Please be gentle with yourselves...

Love you Deebi,💚..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹...Grandy..

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy and a wave to all,

All the best with your appointments and Vinnies today 🙂

You sounded really tired last night so I’m hoping that means you slept well.

I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying your picnic basket goodies. I might add some scones and a mud cake today...

An affectionate hug from me...

Love and care,

Peppy xoxo

[demonblaster]

Ohhhhh Grandy did you hear that, Peppys adding a mudcake to our picnic basket...ohhhhhhh...ohhhhh...🎂

Hope you're ok Grandy love you said you're unusually tired last night. Good on you that you're going to keep going 🎯 and yes the more you go the ore comfy you'll feel I hope to.

Glad you're getting blood done today and have your MHN too hoping she can organize a psych for you. Work today. Thoughts Grandy ☺

Wow I can only imagine how cold it is there cause it's quite nippy here so from your gorgeous caring advice hope you're nice and rugged up too. Fascinates me how far the chill from snow/sleet can travel in the breeze

Must say your 💼 is impressive with the multi levels and I found it quite easy trampolining back up.

So can I suggest dear Grandy precious that you take some time out each day and look at your achievements and think about at least one nice thing about you. Believe me it's not a big ask. If you reiterate to yourself till you believe and accept your goods then move onto another when you're ready. How does that grab ya 🤗

🤝😊 super glue definately. Much love beautiful lady ☺💚💜💗💼🛴

Hope everyone has a good day 🕊

Hi Tony if you're reading. 👋 hope you're ok ☺

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Pepper, and everyone..

Peppy...Thank you for the mudcake....yummy...and for your well wishes for my day today....

Deebi...I'll keep going a few more times at darts and see what happens... Yeah Deebi, I'm so tired, only sleeping an hour or so then waking up then after a while sleep again and repeat this pattern all night, with unwanted thoughts and strange silly dreams..

I had my test done today....then mhn, she said she can't get another psych..she said that psychiatrist from Sydney will ring my psychologist and ask her why, and then tell her she must finish the mental health plan visits...mhn will ring me tomorrow and let me know.....Deebi, if my psychologist rings me and makes an appointment for me....I don't think I can go back to her..I mean she dumped me, threw me away without a second thought, I don't trust her anymore..She gained my trust, then I opened up a bit to her then bam, she don't want to anymore....I know my life was hard but I didn't tell her the really horrid bits, how can I trust her anymore? 🤷🏻‍♀️.

My 💼 deebi, can be anything we want it to be...its a magical, fantasy bag..anything is possible,😁.. Oh wait until I make more improvements on it.😂..

Deebi, Peppy and everyone, I hope you are all doing okay ..and your getting stronger by the day..🌹..

Deebi, special deep love 💜💚❤️💼🌹..

definately....👀 & 👂 & 🤝..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[Guest_1584]

Hiya grandy

Your not alone in all this psych business believe me. l never had anything to do with counselors or psych's in my life until my marriage went south but deep down always knew what the drill would be like and sadly l was right.

l didn't like yours either when l was reading awhile back and l really hoped you'd change but l know with all these programs and so called help things it's not that easy.

l'm still amazed at the differences , same with doctors . l got lucky with mensline in the end and a simple phone call. l didn't have the extra money at the time to drive all over miles to see someone or have it in me and the crap to go through just to actually get booked in , took weeks and visits and forms and oh man. Put me in even worse shape.

So in desperation and frustration one day l found mensline and tbh , they saved my bacon, really.lf l was rich l'd make a monster donation. But it was still the same , they have a lot of different counselors and some you'd click with some you just couldn't , and every now and then you'd get one that' was so in tune he'd just blow your mind with cut through the chase clear straight to the guts of things with just fantastic help and guidance , understanding .

So glad to find something like that and some support for men out there, but l'm wondering if there was something like that for women and if that would help you at all. It wasn't perfect but the simplest and best l found by far and when you got somebody good it was just a god sent.

Hang in there anyway eh.

Rx.

[demonblaster]

Hey everyone hey darlin ☺

Geez it's hard getting back into a routine of sleep isnt it. I wonder if you think you could manage some excercise might help. Maybe a nice hot bath before bed and have you been listening to your meditation apps poor darlin 🤗 I know you find them good.

Glad you're going to continue with darts I know you enjoy the game. Good to be outta house for a while too. You're brave.

Poor situation with psych wow, can't say I blame you at all. It's a roar deal hun. I don't understand why they can't set you up with skype sessions with someone or phone. Not good enough eh Grandy and you need someone. I'm really sorry you don't have good access.

How did work go today and the new bloke you worked with?

😅 LOVE your 💼 oh and renovations too crikey it's mind blowing now ..🥁.. looking forward to many more adventures.

Love you big time dear friend..hope tonight you have a more settled calm sleep honey and if you're a good girl I'll have a nice bowl of porridge ready for you with a cup of chamomile tea and some of our Peppys lovely scones for morning tea later and some MUD CAKE oop soz getting a bit excited 😀 YUM..

Cya beautiful love with 💗💚💜

Nigh nite all peaceful sleeps and good days ahead ☺🤗

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Grandy and all,

You sound so sleep deprived and your dreams don’t sound very pleasant at all. You must be feeling so drained and tired...

I feel your hurt and feelings of abandonment and betrayal because of how your psych treated you. That must still be a sore spot. I feel your pain in your words...gentle hugs from me.

I hope you and DB enjoyed the mudcake and scones. I’ll add something extra special today. How about a telescope so you can see the stars better? Maybe you’ll even spot some famous ones.

Plus of course I want to replenish your picnic basket with some warm blueberry muffins, choc chip cookies, packets of chips, sandwiches, fruit, thermos of tea and thermos of coffee, choccie bars...that should give keep you going today 🙂

Love and care,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, Randomx, Pepper and all..😊.

Randomx yeah my psych done the same to me a few months before this current mental health plan was made.. So I'm completely at a loss as to how she still is allowed to operate. She has made me fell unworthy of her services this time. I'm unsure which way I'll go today, trying not to think about it until I find out today...but you know what its wrong very wrong..

Peppy..Thank you for your gentle hugs..Your so very kind..Warm blueberry muffins..😂.i already had one..shh..I was up early and was hungry...Wow Peppy I'll have to go to Deebi's and use her excersise 🚴...🌹💜..

Deebi...I will go out for a walk around town this afternoon..I slept better last nigh, I think because I was so busy yesterday at work....ironing, hanging, sorting etc..hmmm..No I haven't been listening to meditation for a few days..Ive been having the tv on the sbs radio station over night to stop the silence here...Radio stations don't work here, only abc news..and that's depressing listening to that..

I had a couple of phone councilling session before, it always turns out one sided, with the psych doing all the talking..Skype I'm not sure I could do that in front of my mhn, she doesn't know much at all, not the really deep mind hurtful bits.. Deebi depending on today..If things don't turn out I'm going to slowly go of these meds, then try and look after myself, I just hope I can do a better job then I was doing when I first came on these forums...

I care for people and I think when others pick up on that, they start using me or push me aside, because they know I will do what is asked, or I'm told to do...My psych, my co workers, the dart players, even my doctor cancelled one of my appointments to put a newbie in.......just about anyone I have had anything to do with...Saying no really makes me feel guilty..you really have no idea just how much Saying no can affect me...especially if I work with them and have to face then when I'm working next...

I think I better take that walk around town now... I hope you all have a good day....😁..everyone..

Love you Deebi💚💜🌹..I'm not down, just reflecting what's been happening over the past few months...I have to fix me..no one can wave a magic wand and do it for me...it has to come from me...💚🌹..I'm nearly finished making ⚒🛠🔩🔨..your present 🎁...won't be long special friend.

Love and care..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy and other lovelies ☺

Good on you going for a walk hun. Hopefully that'll help lift you with change of scenery and help with sleep too. Hoping too it might ease the bursitis be careful not to go too hard and fast though darl

Hun it certainly is a raw deal with psych. I completely understand you not wanting to be taking meds. Are you going to ease of with GP's supervision? and might be better when you eventually (hoping) get a pysch to be able to talk with do you think.

Re Skype, the MHN could help you set it up but wouldnt have to be in the room while you have consult. Boyo you've had rough times with them. Phone ones doing all the talking geez.

I know I don't usually listen to news it's depressing and makes me angry how we are with eachother but see snips or hear if its important so know what you mean. Shame you can't get radio.

Maybe you could put some music on to fill the void lovey. 🤗

👀 Arrr so you had a lovely warm Blueberry muffin eh...thats ok I grabbed a 🍫.. te he and snuck out on the verandah and nibbled while you were getting dressed. Isn't Peppy kind and looks after us so well. Loven the 🔭

Don't like people walking over you sweety love 😤 and that you struggle saying no, what a dear soul you are. Trouble is it hurts you honey.

Oh cool my pressy nearly finished 😀 can I have a widdle peeky 🔎

Hope you took blanky 😅 for the walk. 🤔 hymmm might knit you a thermal jacket when I've got a spare 3.4 minutes. Ok if not blanky at least rugged up well. Something close to your chest to keep warm. Windy here today but suns out.

Glad you're not down hun but try still to keep positive thoughts in there darlin then beasty can't play 😚

L💚O💜V💗E 🤗 Y💼O🐧U

🍫

👀

🕊for us all

[Guest8901]

My dear Karen. Firstly, thx for your very welcome msgs on my thread. I will try to summon the energy to reply there later. No idea when it will get through tho.

Very well done with the darts Monday, work yesterday, walk today. You really are taking charge of your life, and its good to see.

I can understand your feelings of abandonment and betrayal by this psych of yours. However if this is the only option, then I think its important to give it another go. She started a course of therapy and she owes it to you to complete it to your satisfaction. If an alterative to her should materialise down the track, I expect it would give you immense pleasure to sack her. It would me. 😀

Oh that is fabulous news that your brother and his friend are to visit next month. You deserve some good news.

Love to you Karen and a big ever grateful hug. 🌺

Amanda 💜