Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy, (waves to Deebi & everyone)

I'm not sure whether I would like serving the customers at your store.. do you have to learn the till? It sounds as if out the back might suit you better - can you ask to stay there?

Thank you for the help about summer... do you keep the air conditioning on a lot? Does a window one help? That's what I'm thinking of getting - just one that sits in the window. Oh dear I am dreading summer and love the cooler weather we have now...

I would ask the supporter to take you to the aboretium again... it sounds so lovely...

I made a bowl of ice for Sam last summer, but we nearly baked alive last summer and I think it's had an effect on his health and mine - we were both exhausted... Sam had to go to the vet.. my windows face west with no awnings... I covered them with car window shades but it was still like living in an oven. I have to go to the industrial area and look at the price of window air cons..

We had a nice walk by the river today as it was cool, Sam loved it his ears were blowing back int the cool wind... and he could run off leash as nobody else was there... it was lovely to see him so happy... tomorrow i am meeting a new lady at my book club, she moved here a while back from the coast, said the isolation was getting to her - so I suggested we meet for a coffee.. she moved from the coast like me.. I hope we get on OK but anyway just a coffee about 3pm so we can both get away easily if we want...

I hope everyone is staying well and OK...

Sending gentle soft fluffy hugs xoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Hiya beautiful bbff Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Hannah and all ☺

Wow quite a lot going on there huns.
What a shame newby moving. I know you liked her she sounded so nice.
And dear Betty leaving at Xmas darlin that's a hard one isn't it.
I know it's been hard there lately too with the supervisor going on. Just want you to know I understand lovey you thinking to leave as well.
You've done very well there and come a long way. Serving out the front at times and small chats to customers is huge. You're amazing beautiful Grandy 🤗. Please try and acknowledge your achievements honeyheart there's a lot of because you don't give up.

Oh yukko it sounds incredibly hot and urghh where you are Grandz. Nice you have a lot of light but having to block it to keep the heat away no joy eh.
I love the extra light in daylight saving but reckon it'd be better in winter cause of darkening so early but I get where you're coming from it's oppressive isn't it.

Sorry should have said had a day or two internet on super slow go so just did the word threads other night ☺ all good beautiful here. Very happy with dear Mr Deebi 😍 and nice to be having a break from the head. We had a nice drive and chat with MHW today.

Cool glad you loved your Sunshine 🌞 ya gorgeous and the other bits ☺

Ok hun but I think you would be very good at the writing but all good lovey you'd have to be comfortable doing. It really is a great release and escape isn't it.
I like it helps open our minds which at any times important especially in depression cause our minds pretty much lock on negatives don't they.

You're so lovely btw thinking of Bettys health. I'm so glad you still have a cuppa and catch up.

I had a squiz and showed Mr 😍 the aboretum they look good and had a squiz too at Canolas. Nice. Mr lovely had seen them. I knew Yellow but not the shape or size. They are lovely.
Yes keep an eye out for snakes yikes around the bush.

Hope your day was good too gorgeous lady ☺
Always you're in my 🗯 dear friend with deep love💜 sweety bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 always. PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg swod. Haha love our lingo 🤗😚🍫🌈

[Hanna3]

Hi Deebie& Grandy

Just popped by to say hello, I hope everyone is staying warm in this sudden cold weather - we had bouts of hail yesterday and there are lots of huge tree branches down from the wind - today was very cold with the wind... lots of tourists in town hoping to see snow but it's all melted... Grandy I hope your bed was warm enough after you changed it to summer sheets.. hope your furs are warm and snug too... little Sam was wearing his parka today... we had a nice walk by the river... fluffy hugs to everyone oxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Hiya Grandy 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩 Hannah and all ☺

Beautiful lady you're always in my thoughts 🗯 so just thought I'd pop in and say hi & see how you're going ☺

Grandy I hope so much you're ok but I suspect maybe you're doing it hard honey but I really hope I'm wrong, rare but It's been known 😉

Love and care so deeply for you sweet lady. If you're doing the hard yards sweet heart keep remembering this will change and I think you're spot on it has to run it's course.

Ok so how bout some beautiful memories that one day we might be able to do in rl. God I hope so 😚 🤗

✨ On the veranda watching the stars with all y/our friends here

🤝 superglued always

😂 heaps of

🍫 Oh YEH baby!

🍸 mmm...

🛴 baby vroomsta (Learners)

🍨 ok if you insist a choccy one plz

🐄 funny looking moo 😁

🚴‍♀️ mini vroomsta

🤹‍♂️ jelly beans with magic powers

💼 ohhh what a mighty bag

🏍 King of Vroomstas

🤸‍♀️💃and they danced and danced...

🐉 Deendy takes us away sometimes

🌈 sliding

🦄 magic moments save our sanity

🐝 bumble took us for a trip

💜 love stays and grows

🌲Weetbix tree 😂

⛅ sunny days

🌳Pepper bags all ready to pick

🎲 dice with surprises inside. Sides dropping one at a time to reveal.

🚜 famous Mother vrooooom .... zoooom...

💭 cloud chairs

☀️ light

🎤🎼🎧🎷🥁 Croixy must miss us

🌜👩‍❤️‍👩🌛bbffs 4evs with deep love beautiful 🤗

Breathe in nice and slow darlin here hold my 🤝 ... thatta girl ...nice and deep ...in with the Roses.... out with the weeds...feel your shoulders relax lovey ... and your head clear when you breathe out....

You're very loved sweetyheart don't ever forget that. Keep breathing honey.. thatta girl...hand on your shoulder

PubAok gorgeous friend. Love warmth and big 🤗 always sweety girl.

We got this! 🤜👿🤛... there ya go beasty ......snack on this 💣....💥

Nigh nite darlin/s. Sleep well lovely people ⚘

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I will keep fingers & paws crossed you can go back to the arboretum & look out soon, it sounds a very peaceful spot.

Lass it sounds like Betty is being sensible about work if she is unsteady on her feet, it's good she lives close by so you will still be able to visit her for a cuppa & natter. What a pity all the changes at work are happening at the same time, I can understand you not being sure if you want to continue there.

How are things going with Mrs NSC? I'm guessing her family have gone now.

I'm so glad to hear your heart is now behaving it self. I'm being slack & not using my pedal machine as often as I should.

Big Huggily Bear Hugs 🐻🤗

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, , Hanna, Paws and everyone...🤗..

Thank you for calling in here..I appreciate it more then you will know...

I’m okay..just beasty hounding me..but I’m okay..I’m not listening to it....I usually go down hard after a bp cycle....you are all so precious and caring...thank you all for being who you all are..

Your list of memories are beautiful Deebi...It’s so good to remember the good times we have...fantasy is a beautiful world, where people, magical creatures never let you done..

My supporter again msged me on Friday morning to say that she has things on and cannot take me out for our “scheduled walk...that’s 2 weeks now...First week was paper work..things on last Friday...Seems are more important then a person...That’s okay though...Why did she put me in her calendar for each Friday, then when she obviously doesn’t care enough to follow through...She must know the effect it has on a person struggling with mh..Maybe I’m not the only one she’s doing this to...Idk and now I really don’t care..maybe I’m boring for her, or to anxious for her, to sad for her, don’t dress up enough, to fat to be seen in her company..not nice looking, or maybe it’s my yucky hair and teeth...maybe I bring her down..idk anyway I don’t care anymore...

She is supposed to take me to VS on Thursday...Like a chauffeur, which makes me feel like I’m using her..Well this week I’m going to cancel VS..Last visit to VS was very hard for me, talking about standing up for me and my children...I’m not ready this week to continue that conversation..then be driven back home by my supporter, who is alway cheery and talks non stop about her and what’s she and her hubby is doing to their property....

Bit of a rant...bit of self pity..a lot of my feeling and thoughts..I am okay..I will just have to try harder for myself and find a quiet place that I can have a walk and get out on my own..Other people around makes me anxious, and no one around makes me feel vulnerable and unsafe like someone is watching me...My silly mind just doesn’t want me to win...

I am okay though...just saying how I’m feeling and thinking instead of leaving it to fester up in my brain...Better out then in..☺️..Please no need for replies..I know what I need to do...

Much love to you dearest Deebi...always and eternally...💜🐻🤗🕊🌱...

My love and care to you Hanna, Paws and everyone...💜🤗..

You are all special and unique people..

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey our beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Come here darlin 🤗 I know you said not to worry about replies honeyheart it's just I can't leave you all alone feeling this way. It's horrid isn't it.

So glad to hear you're ok but clearly beasty has it's claws in.

Hey well done talking about how you feel you did very well it's not easy saying is it.
Wow I do know how that feels sweetyheart. No light eh.

Darl I just stretched and somehow got hold of a beauty soft squishy warm cloud ⛅ Here lovey just lean back into it and it'll wrap itself around you nice and snug. There we go.

Now where did I put that nice steamy hot cuupa tea oh there it is 🍷

Oh.. Hope you don't mind me sharing the cloud with you my dear darling. It's so nice being warm comfy & snuggled up isn't it...ohh 😀 look Grandy if you squueze it...💬 bubbles come out. All different shapes colours and sizes they're so cool.

Darlin this is time with out disraction or beasty.. [It's] afraid of heights.

Let the cool breeze on your face free your mind of everything darlin.
Just enjoy our time and rest up Grandz 🤗 I'm not going anywhere 🤝

Really love you dear love
Always. This will pass.

You're doing so well holding up. Power to you ✊

⛅👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝💬🍨

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Oh lass your supporter is the problem not you. It's just beasty telling you otherwise.

Gentlest of hugs lass, while Deebi makes fresh tea. Then 🐉 Deendy can take us up high to catch some stars to brighten our cloud.

Love & care

Paws

[demonblaster]

Knock knock...ooh hoo...Helloooo...I say bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 are you awake😴

Ahh there you are hi darlin 🤗 good to see you honey.

Oh darl I hope todays a bit easier on you. If only it'd choof that quickly eh. Always thinking about you lovely one.

Ok might make us a hot 🔥choccy 🍫 what do ya think sweetyheart.

Dear love I hope you're still managing to hold up. So very hard isn't it. I found I start to think it'll be this way all the time but it doesn't thank goods.

You know what I keep thinking about darlin. Your trip to the Aboretum and how you felt completely at one being there. That's mania at it's absolute best. Amazing isn't it. Maybe you can feel that memory again.

I baked a Cinnamon cake it only took 15 hrs to make so it should be cooked enough...um...🤔...or was that rock cakes.

It's usually this way here...a gorgeous 🌞 day. Thought you Mr Deebi and our furs might like to go for a lovely refreshing walk 🤸‍♀️ on the beach...we can have a nice dunk too, the temps whatever we want and look at the dolphins 🦈 coming right up to us...ohhh neat they're taking us for a cruise weeeeee this is so good..

Ok so if you want to hop on that perfect size piece of driftwood wow it's comfy isn't it...if we all look up we can see the sparkling winking beauty in the carpet of stars ✨...just amazing ... so much peace and such a calm feeling just totally relaxing...oh did you see that Starfish ..it had jewels along the edges...wow...so vibrant and they glow...

I too like that feeling of cool breeze on my face and it's going through our hair too...feels like a gentle so soothing massage...👯‍♀️

The waves just gently bopping us up and down in such a fluid movement

Seagulls 🕊 call out in tranquil peace while basking in the sun 🌞 while we listen silently to the waves gently brushing against our driftwood. A feeling of complete harmony embraces us...

Oh oh ... what's that in the basket floating towards us... oh yeh Grandy it's a yum feed of hot fish 🎏 and chips a cuppa tea 🍵 for you and coffee ☕ for Mr Deebi and I ... oh Grandy there's Sarah Lee sticky date pudding. Yummmmmm.

We can stay here for as long as you like lovely and we'd love you to stay overnight actually for a few nights I hope ☺🤗😚

Feel only good things beautiful because you're a beautiful good thing yourself you know.

Love goes very deep beautiful friend and always will 🤝

PubAok honey. You're such an awesome friend 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🦈✨🤝☕🍵🤸‍♀️🕊

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy & Deebi & Paws,

Just stopping by to say hello.. I am sorry your support person cancelled twice on your walk... I agree with Deebi if only you could visit the lovely gardens again... do ask her....

You're not too fat or unworthy or sad or whatever, you're a lovely kind lady... and I wish we were all nearby... we could have a cuppa out on the porch together.... and we could all check in on each other.. and not be lonely...

So many nice ladies here alone and lonely Grandy, here in this town... I can't understand it...

Sending wonderful kind gentle thoughts and wishes from little Sam and me to you over there... soft hugs xoxo